I don’t think I love my husband and I truely believe he feels the same way. We have been together 7 years and have no connection apart from our kids. Our communication is very little , our friends group is completely different as he has no friends and would prefer to hang with our kids and I have a great group of girlfriends, I love catching up with. I don’t have those giddy feeling, like I have had with man before him. Our sex life is consistent. But not satisfying at all. He calls me frigget. Its because he doesn’t satisfy me emotionally, so I make no effort to give it physically. I find him arrogant and always complaining about something. One of those people who would complain of the sky was blue. He can be really cruel to hurt my feelings. He will jump over hurdles for his parents. But I can’t even get him to help me move something in the house. Like we don’t even greet each other and say good bye when one of us is leaving. I kind of feel we just live like roommates as we both love our kids tremendously. He is a great provider, but he loves to remind me about it everyday. Neither of us are willing to leave. We wen’t on our first date in over 3years recently and I found I was having to force him to respond to my questions. So we were not sitting at the restaurant as a silent couple. Then we wen’t to movies and as much as I loved the movie. He found it boring and fell asleep.
I think we have lived this way for so long that we are both used to it. It is absolutely not like how movies portray love. I have stopped inviting him to family and friend events. Because he just sits there is complete silent and it’s awkward and embarrassing.
We are a young family in our late 30s, our kids are still pretty young. So it would be a long time living like this if nothing ever changes.
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4 Replies
Marriage counseling. Try to get the lines of communication open, so you are both on the same page with where you want the relationship to be now, in the present, as well as in the future. If either of you are willing to try marriage counseling, and make the necessary changes within yourselves for the benefit of your marriage, then it might be best to separate.
Call me odd, but I see nothing wrong with you both having such vast differences. Love can be in many forms not just the form that appeals to you. He just sounds comfortable. Take things back to basics. You probably do love him. You just resent him right now. It's two different things .
My parents were like this for as long as I could remember. They weren’t nasty to each other really, there was just nothing… they divorced several years ago after being married for nearly 40 years and are SO much happier! Please don’t wait that long. It sounds like you’ll be amazing co-parents and be much happier apart.
7 year itch...
We live in a disposable society and people find it easier to walk away or dispose of things than to work on it and fix it...
If neither of you wants to leave then you both have to do something to make a change.
Life has changed since you met. Adding kids to a relationship changes things. Remember that one day those kids will be grown up and you'll be left with each other. You need to prioritise the relationship not just the kids.
It's hard because family life and work can be demanding.
You both need to make time for each other and time yourselves.
It's OK to have different interests and to recharge differently.
My hubby prefers to stay home and play playstation... I prefer to go out and be with people. So we balance that. I don't expect him to come out with my friends and he doesn't expect me to play his games.
I'm going away next weekend and he isn't coming. He knows its something I need to do. But we make time for each other too. We go and have date night with no kids, we tell the kids we are watching what we want not what they want sometimes.
We are in a rut atm too... nearly 7 years for us as well. But we keep the communication open, try and give each other space to recharge and unwind and then come back to each other and work our way through it.
The grass isn't always greener on the other side.
And yes I have been divorced before so I know what it's like and I walked away from that but not without trying everything possible and knowing that it was not the right decision to stay.
Good luck.