Hello everyone.
I'm not sure what is going on with me at the moment, I feel like I'm broken.
Bit of back story: I seperated from my ex-husband a year and a half ago (there was dv involved), I work full-time as a nurse and juggle 3 children. In the last few months I have been seeing a man, he's a really nice guy, sweet and has his life together. I was smitten to begin with but as it gets more serious I find myself pulling away alot. I don't know why, I really do like him, I'm just so confused by the way I feel.
I have had a lot more going on in my life, recently moved a big distance, changed jobs, loss of 2 family members. I don't feel depressed or anything. I just don't know what's going on with me, I feel like I'm broken and can't love anyone anymore.
2 Replies
I don't think anything's wrong with you 😂😂
You've had a hell of a lot go on in the last 2 years; including leaving a DV marriage, and if you have 3 kids I assume the marriage was longish. Moved towns, changed jobs, lost two family members, newly single working mum to 3 kids, probably going through divorce / custody/ financial settlement. And maybe even in hiding or at least cutting the drama from the ex.
That's A LOT to process!!!
You've met a great guy, and everything should be wonderful, but it isn't. You've had a couple of months of the attention and treatment you actually deserve. New relationships are EXCITING!!!!! And a great distraction from the shit parts of your life!!!
Now it's a couple of months later and your brain/body are going wooooaaahh back.
It could be a case of your subconcious seeing red flags in this guy that you don't want to see (clingy, controlling, whatevs).
Or it could be right guy, wrong time. In the scheme of things, you haven't left a lot of time between relationships. And you've had a lot of drama in that time.
It could be that your brain just needs some down time, to process everything that has gone on, settle itself down, and acclimatise to your new life, and this guy is intruding on that.
Experts say it takes at least half the length of the previous relationship for you to fully get over it.
Maybe you just need to be actively single for a year or two, to figure out who you are now, and what you want from your life. Everyone has baggage that they need to deal with.
My partner & I got together under bad circumstances, and split after 3 months. Two years later we tried again, and it's now been 3 years & pretty bloody perfect.
Give yourself some space and time. Learn how to be alone properly.
Do some light dating if you want, just for a bit of short term fun & company.
If you're meant to be with this guy, it'll happen. It doesn't need to be now.
This was me after a long term DV relationship. I had great difficulties fully trusting in subsequent relationships so avoided them altogether for a while. I met my current partner and it took three years before we became more serious and moved in together. I still struggle with worries about him suddenly changing and being like my ex. I'm so relieved he is a patient man who has just remained stable and consistent throughout our relationship. I kept saying I do not have anything left to give after work and my children and then discovered a supportive relationship can actually make your life easier, not harder. I have also lost a few family members and he is still there for me. Over time it gets easier but it's at a much slower pace. Just give it time x