I love my husband but I haven’t been in love with him for years. He can’t see a difference between love and “in” love so doesn’t understand. He’s a good person, but he is the most withdrawn, non communicative, cold person I have ever known.
I have spent so many years feeling unloved despite him saying he does love me. His actions just don’t match his words. I’m staying in a loveless marriage because it’s easier and wouldn’t know how to put myself, my needs, my feelings first. He can’t see any issues at all. Life is good for him.
If I said I wanted to leave, he would never understand why. And then probably accuse me of having an affair again because, in his mind, that can be the only reason I’d want to go. I’ve tried to leave before - it was a disaster! He wouldn’t let me go so I stayed and continued being unhappy and also because he said I’d never see my kids again, and I’d be leaving with the shirt on my back! I know that was said out of fear but I’ll never forget those words.
My mum spent 20 years in an unhappy marriage, then 20 years divorced after my father cheated on her. She died a few months ago and it made me really reevaluate my life. I don’t want to spend my years being unhappy. I want love, happiness, laughs, adventures, fun, affection, and intimacy. None of which I get now. I get an hour a day of his time if that while he’s falling asleep on the couch. It’s so hurtful.
I’ve talked about this with him over and over and things might change for a day or 2 then they go back to the same old crap.
I feel like I’m being selfish. I feel like I don’t have a good excuse to leave - not in his eyes anyway. I don’t know what to do and how to cope financially. Where do you even start?
3 Replies
I don't think staying and making you both miserable is doing anyone any good. I don't know how happy I would be if the person I loved told me they aren't in love with me. That's very confusing to me. You either love someone or you don't. If you're referring to getting butterflies like the movies then we all know that does not last forever. Just go, forget what he says and just do both of you a favour and go.
If you want to stay and he's a good man who doesnt hurt you then you need to spice it up. Start dating him again and spend some time together. Spend a weekend away together, plan a dinner out or a picnic, make a date to watch a movie together on the weekend.
Get the spark back a bit and remember why you got together in the first place
If you actually tell your partner you aren’t in love with them anymore (trust me, he gets it, he’s just in denial), I think you should do the kind thing and leave.
I think it’s really unfair to drag it out and use him because you don’t have the money to support yourself.
Like the rest of us, get a job, when you’re on your own, it’s all on you.
You obviously have different love languages, maybe bare than in mind if you repartner.