A long one. Please take the time to read.
Ex H and I have been separated for some time now, kids and 2 houses involved.
I have asked a number of times to get the ball rolling with financial separation and divorce but he never does anything about it.
We are on the same page that we want a house each, and our cars are our own, supers our own etc.
He doesn’t understand the process ahead, thinks he can go to the bank and have his name taken from my house and mine removed from his. He won’t listen to me that there is a process involved. He told me recently he doesn’t have any money and if the bank doesn’t do what he wants he will foreclose and leave the mortgage to me. Leaving me as a single mum with two mortgages.
He told me he will not sell and he will not refinance his house for more then he owes to help reduce my mortgage.
I have tried to explain the financial separation Process is for fairness and equitability and despite us mutually agreeing each house is ours, by law the deeds are in both names and the courts will treat it the same.
I have seen a solicitor once, she was nasty and I didn’t like her approach to take him for half of everything. I don’t want that.
I don’t have a deposit saved yet to be able to refinance my loan. I am working toward that.
We live in a town where market fluctuates so one house (mine) isn’t worth what is owed by about $30k.
I am terrified he is going to throw his hands up and walk away from that house leaving me with both mortgages.
He blames me he has no money because he has to pay me child support. Most conversations are like this; my fault and speaks to me horribly and quite belittling.
I desperately need to be free from him and get this sorted. He won’t help me so I need to start myself.
Where do I start if I don’t want to go to a solicitor and have a shit fight ? Is there another way to do it myself with financial orders etc?
What are the minimum deposits out there for home loans these days?
My mental health is suffering quickly. I feel stuck. I am so angry at myself that I haven’t saved more money and have enjoyed life too much. I can’t change that but I have changed what’s happening moving forward.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Please .
7 Replies
Stop talking to him, just get it done! Get the ball rolling, get the divorce put in, and get yourself sorted with the advice you need. You will feel good once it done, and be able to move on - and most importantly you will be financially free of this pressure that he could drop on you any time. You won’t be able to move on until you’re there, so just get it done. And by the way they always threaten worst case and it seems so so risky and scary, just go ahead anyway and get rid of him that’s what he doesn’t want you to do.
It sounds as though he is overwhelmed by it all, it does sound like a headache and it's causing you stress too. I would see someone who knows all about mortgages so maybe a broker or the bank? Go together so you can put your situation on the table and have the process all explained to you both and how to go about doing it.
Speak to a mortgage broker first, work out a strategy for the loan side of things.
The solicitor can only make suggestions. It is up to you what you apply for. I was told by mine that I was the weirdest client he ever had, but like you just wanted peace, not a shit fight. In the end I pretty much just kept the house and left all his business stuff to him. And after explaining to the solicitors that was what I wanted and why, they went with it. Their attitude doesn't matter at the end of the day because all you need them for is to cut the tie.
Get a solicitor and just do it. Fyi, he can't just remove himself from the mortgages and leave it in your name. You are both equally responsible for the full amount, so if he stops paying and you can't afford it, you are both in default. The only way to remove a name is via refinancing.
Get a different solicitor. Don't wait for him, he has shown you he is not going to do anything about it. It'd up to you.
Go to a different solicitor and explain what the deal is that you have both made and let them sort it from there. They cannot tell you what to do - remember you are paying them to work for you.
The sooner it's started the better.
See a different solicitor, given he's being difficult about it you can get the ball rolling and get advice about your rights.