Married for 8 eight years, we have a beautiful and intelligent daughter who is 5 now. Ours was the happiest and contended family until one evening when my husband(36 yr) had a massive cardiac arrest and declared dead in few minutes, I was 7 months pregnant with our second child. I still can't believe it as I'm writing 1 year later, I never ever thought that something so cruel could happen to our happy family. My husband was the most amazing person I've ever seen, very kind, handsome, intelligent, humble person who stood first to help anyone even before they ask for help.
After his death I couldn't grieve enough, as my family and friends always said I have to care for my daughter and the baby in tummy.
Due to COVID, I had limited support during the rest of my pregnancy and birth of my son.
After the birth of my son, my parents arrived from overseas to help me with my little kids.
Back to when my husband was here, I was the most happiest wife and mother. We both have always followed gentle parenting. But as the days are passing, I started to notice that I often become angry very easily and I take it on my daughter who has become an easy target to me. I even slapped her a couple of times and regret it. My dad(68 yr) and mum(63 yr) are helping me in every possible way they can, I cannot thank them enough. However, I feel they don't understand my emotions, when I'm angry and I want to explain, they pretend they don't listen to me and don't say a word. It hurts me so badly as I feel I don't have a let out for my feelings. My little girl says "it's ok mumma, I will still love you". I feel I'm the most horrible mother in the world.
I've lost my best friend, my husband, the love of my life and the father of our children.
I'm so worried, as I have to return to work in next couple of weeks, I don't know how to cope with this loss and stress of parenting, and will working make it more overwhelming!?
If any one in similar situation, can you please share how you have managed ?
Unable to cope through loss of my husband and stress of parenting little kids.
Unable to cope through loss of my husband and stress of parenting little kids.
Posted in:
Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression
7 Replies
Im so sorry. You are not a bad mother but you need help. You need to go to your GP and get a mental health plan ASAP. You need to grieve. You need to talk and cry. You need help in learning how to live with your grief and strategies for when it overwhelms you.
You are so so strong. You are incredible. Do not listen to anyone else saying to just get on with your life. It's not that simple. Grief and trauma doesn't have deadlines or time frames. be kind and gentle to yourself. I would also suggest some sessions for your daughter. Kids process grief differently.
Not the same, but my husband had a heart attack when he was just 40. He survived but it uncovered some serious health issues and we have been told that medication will only prolong his life for so long 😩 we are inching closer to that timeframe and the grief and stress can be so overwhelming.
A lost someone very close to me from a heart attack at 34 and the 1 year anniversary was recently. I still can't process him being gone, and he wasn't my spouse. You need counseling to help with the emotions and maybe even medication. Don't dwell on things you've done though, just work on improving them. I'm truly sorry for your loss.
Oh I am so sorry you're going through this, sounds like your husband was a wonderful man. I'm also sorry your parents are trying to stifle your grief, you need to be able to freely feel your feelings.
They probably aren't deliberately trying to be dismissive of your pain, some people just don't know how to deal with any kind of emotion that's not happy/neutral.
I definitely agree with the above commenter, get yourself a mental health plan and perhaps ask your GP if they can refer you to someone who specialises in grief counselling.
Could you leave the kids with your parents for a few weeks? Take yourself somewhere, camping, book in, stay with a friend, a retreat. Use it as serious reflection time. Sometimes it's time away from a situation can help the whole thing reset itself, and I'm not talking about your grief as that will go with you but your anger and resentment towards your daughter.
That beautiful little girl of yours is grieving too and holding up a brave face when she's used to absorb your anger. Please get yourself some help for your families sake x
You poor Mumma, this is heartbreaking. Please go and visit your Dr and get a referral for a psychologist. You need some help to grieve and your little girl would need it too. Don’t feel bad, you are under so much pressure and it’s easy to get tired and angry.
Go easy on your self. Work may help you in some ways and maybe see if you can take a night away on your own, to have some down time before you start work again. Such a sad situation. My hearts breaks for you.
I lost my mum 7 weeks after my youngest son was born. I also had a 5 year old at the time too. Grief is incredibly challenging. Even more so while you have little ones to look after though. You may feel like you don’t have it all together as such but you are doing the best that you can. I saw a psychologist after losing my mum. It was a place for me to vent my feelings to someone who is not connected to the situation. Some advice that she gave me was to let the kids see you cry. It shows them that you don’t always have to be strong and that mum sometimes struggles too. I found that very helpful in my situation because only was I able to let my emotions out without fear of causing my son emotional hurt but it also showed him that it’s ok for him to express his feelings too.
If you’re not feeling quite ready to get back to work and are able to take a bit more time off. Absolutely do it. I went back to work a few months after my loss and found it incredibly overwhelming. However, the social setting may be a way to help with your emotional healing.
I am so sorry for your loss. You seem like you are a great mum trying her hardest. Go easy on yourself. Best of luck.