Hey everyone.
I’m just wondering if any of you have successfully been ‘separated under one roof’?
I’m miserable in my ‘relationship’ of over a decade. I haven’t loved him for a very long time, and last year, he did something to me I’ll never be able to forgive him for (among other things that has made me not be able to trust him again).
I live in a town with no family or friends, I literally have no support network outside of him.
I don’t have a job, and haven’t for the decade I’ve been raising our children.
We haven’t been intimate in a very long time, don’t kiss, hug, nothing.
We have plenty of space for me to have my own room. (My town also has a 6-12+ month wait for rentals, so I’d never find one in my position).
I need to leave this relationship but have no means. Everything apart from the mortgage is in his name.
How do you have a witness to the separation if I literally have no one? It can’t be family.
I’m not trying to rort the system (as a couple we don’t need the money), I genuinely have no other options.
For those who have successfully SUOR, how much did you receive roughly? I’m sick of relying on that a-hole for everything.
Anything I should know about the process?
Anything you wish you’d done differently?
I never thought I’d be the one stuck in a toxic relationship, you never realise how hard it is to leave, even when it’s not a physically toxic one.
This will only be until I can find some sort of work/income of course, until I can earn enough to support my kids and myself.
Please ladies, never compare your relationship to others. On the outside we’re ’couples goals’ who have the ‘perfect life’. It’s BS. Couples with ‘everything’ can be freaking miserable, too.
6 Replies
I lasted 3 months under one roof. It actually added to our problems.
I think as hard as the logistics seem, you'd be better moving to be closer to friends and family. Xx
I have no friends, and family would call me a fu*king idiot for leaving a ‘perfect’🙄 guy with a decent paying job.
So it’s out of the question. They wouldn’t help me.
I'm so sad to hear that. Do they know you are miserable? Or the issues you're coping with?
Put your name down for a rental so at least living under the same roof isn't long term.
Get a job aged care and hospitality industries are screaming out for employees. Set yourself up for an independent life. Do mediation to figure out how the care of the kids will be shared whilst under the same roof. All the best. Its not easy but you'll be surprised how much strength you have and that will empower you for the rest of your life xxx
For me, it only worked as a short term solution while I found my own place.
Get a job ASAP.
You need to work towards being independent, you can’t hold on to him forever and you need to work to do that.
If your kids are over 8 (I think it is), you get very little from Centrelink.
So depending on their ages, you will need a job eventually.
When you have an income, you can then start seeing what top ups you’ll get from Centrelink plus child support.
The rental market is also very competitive, so again, you’ll need a job.
After age 8, Centrelink is just a handy top up, it’s not enough to support you (unless you have heaps of kids).
Time to step up, from one single mum to another, no ones going to save you, you need to save yourself.
Join the Facebook group
Centrelink support group for Australian Mums
This question comes up a lot and you may get more helpful answers in there