AITA
Background- My MIL has not had her own home (owned or rented for over 15 years) She has lived and rented rooms over time, most recently with her sibling. Things however have changed and her sibling has moved interstate, leaving her with out an address. She mentioned she would bunk with us for a few weeks and work out what she was doing next. We are now many months past this time. I don't know her financial situation i detail, however she has worked FT in all these years. The challenge- I don't know the end date to this? There is no financial agreement of any kind, She has a furnished room and bathroom. doesn't purchase basics like tea, milk, washing powder. However is comfy using everything. I love this woman, however can't do the forever living with me thing. The kids are not loving it, my husband struggles the most but won't say anything cause you know it's his mum. I have asked what the long term plan is and the question is danced around? WTF? I don't want to do this for it don't want to have drama either
Ideas please
Ideas please
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
7 Replies
Don't ask. Tell.
4-6 weeks.
I agree with this and if after your time limit, she hasn't found anywhere else, sit down again with Hubby and MIL and make a plan for her start paying rent and split all bills and groceries. She is fully taking advantage of your kindness
There ain't gonna be an end date if you don't create one! She has it made with you guys - no rent, no bills, not even buying groceries! Why would she be in a rush to leave?!
Sit her down and tell her that you were anticipating a few weeks, it's now been months so it's time she starts looking for her own place. Don't beat around the bush and don't let her change the subject or avoid the issue.
Why would you charge family? Even if you need it, you look bad bringing money into it. Be honest about what matters... Your husband, kids and yourself love her but need your own space. Ask her how she would like support in finding somewhere and have a timeframe. But make it about your family's wellbeing and be very clear that having had the time together will be something your kids will cherish, but that it's hard to feel like you have a guest and can't fully relax for so long.
If they are living with you, why shouldn't they pay? As a mum of adult kids I wouldn't dream of living with them without paying my way, I wouldn't want to burden my kids. Especially if they had kids of their own to support.
Family or not, I (and I'm sure many other people) could not afford to take someone in who wasn't making some kind of financial contribution.
Op's mother in law isn't even buying the food she's happy to eat. Times are tough for most of us right now but we've all got to pay our way!
Money is usually a big source of resentment, if it's an issue in this situation it should be discussed candidly.
I really feel for people at the moment, it’s extra hard. I’m a hard ass but even I know the rental market is absolutely dire at the minute.
I do know she has to go, it’s just getting the message across and that has to come from your husband since it’s his parent. He could always tell her that life is stressful and you’re feeling stressed and need your own space. Or ‘well it’s been a long while now, the markets looking up again, what is it you’re looking for? We should get that ball rolling now’