My son is 11 years old. The older he gets, the better he is at lying. He doesn't lie much but when he does it's hard for me to know when it's te actual truth or a lie.
For the past 2 years he will sometimes say he feels sick or he has a headache and I never know if what he is saying is true or not, especially after Covid. He knows he can say he feels sick so I keep him home but 10 minutes later he seems fine? I'm so confused.
I have told him if you are staying home then you have to stay in bed all day - and he'll do it. He'll read a book (no technology if he is sick). He's happy to take medicine because he likes the taste of it.
If I am not sure he is sick and I send him to school anyways he will go to the nurse and they will ring me to come get him. Once he is home, he acts like he's fine.
So I don't know how to determine when my child is actually sick or not.
He's not getting bullied, has a close group of friends at school, he does find school boring but otherwise most of the time he is happy to go to school.
Last year he did this a handful of times and this year he's done it twice (about me keeping him home but Im not entirely sure if he is sick or not).
Any tricks or ways to figure out if he is simply lieing to have a day off? I mean I get it, wanting a day off, but as a single mum this impacts my ability to work and would rather send him if He isn't sick. He's always been such a relaxed little dude so I can't figure it out. He also has this thing where if his younger brother is sick then he says he feels sick too and how am I supposed to know if its true or not? He gets jealous if his brother stays home and wants to do the same.
Im so fed up with this behaviour.
This morning his younger brother had a fever so I kept him home and my 11 yr old said he had a headache so I have him home (if I send him he goes to the nurse and I have to go pick him up anyways!) but I don't think he is sick, I have him doing schoolwork which he is doing.
9 Replies
Is he an anxious kid? I used to do this as a kid, because the thought of school actually did make me feel sick. Of course once the school was off for the day I felt better because the anxiety about going to school lifted.
My son did this so I got the dr to do full blood tests. The day he wanted to stay home, I said ok we go get your blood test. He didn’t want to, I said fine then we will do it the hard way and go to hospital because you can’t be this sick all the time. He ending up giving in and having his blood tests done. My son also suffers with bad anxiety so please speak to him about anxiety and also the Dr. Anxiety is real and he could actually be feeling sick with It. Take him to the Dr, get full bloods and tell the Dr.
Get a referral
For a child psychologist also, to help manage anxiety, sounds like it and sooner he gets help the better.
Sounds like anxiety.
I had a group of friends but there was covert bullying. It created a lot of social anxiety. Best coping mechanism was to say I was sick or tired.
It worked for a little while but then one day I was really sick and had appendicitis. There was a bit of doubt and I wasn't believed as I should have been.
Always take things seriously. I parent differently to my parents for this reason.
I'm an adult and I find life overwhelming and stressful sometimes, the difference is that I can put that feeling into words.
Kids often can't tell you "Hey mum, school has been intense lately and I'm just not feeling myself today. I think I need to have the day off to recharge".
But they can tell you they have a headache, they can tell you they're tired, they can tell you they don't feel well etc.
This isn't a super regular occurrence, give him the benefit of the doubt.
My 15 year old son has anxiety, and when he is feeling overwhelmed with life he gets headaches, or feels dizzy, or just an unspecified feeling of not being well. He has a disability so is linked in with the inclusion support team, which helps. He knows he can go to the support team and have a time out if he needs it. I didn’t work for about 6 months when Covid hit. When I returned to work, it wasn’t unusual for me to get a call from school 2 or 3 times a week to pick him up for a general feeling of being unwell and headaches. I ended up taking in a box of Panadol and filled out a medication form so they could give him Panadol when he’s not feeling well. If he continued to feel unwell then they would call me. They would also call if he was very obviously unwell or injured. It didn’t take long for him to realise myself and the school weren’t going to let him keep missing school. It was brought up with his psychologist so he could develop strategies to help. I, and his support team, continually reminded him he could go to them when needed.
Anxiety could definitely be causing these symptoms. Thus explaining why it alleviates when he does not go to school. I would speak to his teacher, if he has some special job he helps with at school in the morning it can help e.g. flag duty or help teacher with setting up something. Also giving plenty of time in the morning to get ready for school so it's a nice and calm environment. This may mean getting up earlier. I find these things have helped my children especially post Covid lockdown. Remember he may not be able to verbalise what he is thinking/feeling so you may not get answers directly from him but it does not make it any less real x
My normally very relaxed child (going on 11 this year) really peaked in their anxiety during COVID. I mean, they also hit puberty during this time and it's impacted them immensely. So we started dealing with a lot of school refusal, refusal to participate in online learning and so on. Once in person learning resumed, I told them they could have 2 mental health days, no questions asked, per term.
Anxiety can present as feeling sick (squiggly in the tummy, dizzy, breathless etc) and once the pressure is off the feeling disappears, meaning the sick feeling goes away.
It wouldn't hurt to get him to have a chat to someone neutral who might be able to gather some information to help you. I know what you mean about him having days off impacting your ability to work - I missed a lot of work when my kiddo was taking lots of days off and it's frustrating. There may not be bullying etc going on, but there may be something else contributing to the anxiety. It sounds very likely to be the case. Good luck.
My 17 year old son gets at least one mental health day a term when with me, and I think he gets at least one when with his father. My 15 year old son has additional needs so has frequent days off due to various specialist appointments, so he doesn’t specifically get mental health days but once or twice a year I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt if he claims he’s not feeling well but isn’t showing specific symptoms.