This is a long one and I’m sorry
I’m the youngest of 3 girls, there’s 10 years between my first sister and I and 8 years between the second sister and I.
My mum didn’t even tell them about me before I was born until 2 weeks I was due. My middle sister despises me, but now it’s worse, she says things like before you can along mum had so much time etc. now keep in mind I’m 42 now .
When she says these horrible things mum says oh she’s just joking, well I don’t find them funny. I found out when I was a baby my middle sister tried to kill me a few times either by putting a pillow over my face or shaking me. We’ve never been close and she’s always bullied me.
My mum always sticks up for her no matter what.
My oldest sister well I don’t really know her, wasn’t really a sisterhood and 10 years is a big difference, although she tried we just never became close.
For years and years they’ve gone and done things with each other like gone away on weekends and did things. Never inviting me, not once. Yes I may not be able to afford it but my mum pays for my other sister, but I can look after myself.
They go on a yearly trip and meet up, my other sister lives interstate.
I’ve been hurt but never said anything.
My sister I swear still sees me as a little kid.
Move into recently, was talking to my mum and she says, did you see what … put on the messenger, I’m like what video what messenger. She goes on the best family messenger.
I said I have no idea what your talking about. My oldest sister made a secret messenger and never added me. I was so upset, I can be sensitive but this was really hurtful, I’m like that would be right I’m always forgotten. ( I’m always the last to know anything) my sister tried calling me but honestly I didn’t want to hear it.
My other sister added me and I found out it was made September last year, none of them thought oh hey let’s add …. Mind you group name is best family ever yeah right!!!
I didn’t speak to them for about a week and mum calls me and just says let’s move on without even acknowledging my feelings. She basically said well you choose to feel that way.
Comes to now
My mum was planning to come up and see an exhibit we have in my town and I wanted to take her.But now my sister who lives interstate, is now coming down and they are all coming on a day I can’t make it due to work. My sister in 10 years has never visited me mind you.
I said can we go see the exhibit the next day. Oh no we can’t no reason though.
So I said to mum, so she’s coming down and doing something with you that we planned, and she’s never been here but coming to see this exhibit yeah ok. Apparently I twisted it. No I’m trying to work it out.
The kicker is, but I’m allowed to meet them for dinner somewhere.
I’m at my end I wish I was never born because I feel like the unwanted child. The third wheel.
None of them care for my feelings. I’m so hurt and confused and yet so over being treated like I’m nothing.
I want to just cut them off and I see that happening for my own well being.
I just need some sort of reasoning I guess
Thanks for listening
Family issues
Family issues
Posted in:
Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression
7 Replies
Do you have the same father? This is all very odd behaviour and sounds like your mum is the centre of the issues, since she would have set the tone for everything as you all grew up.
I have to wonder if there is a bunch of big reasons that have nothing to do with who you are as a person, and more to do with what was going on when you were born.
Personally I’d be distancing myself from these people. They don’t act in a healthy way towards you and it probably won’t improve without some truly big conversations and they don’t sound like the kind of people who would be up for that, without harming you further.
I would be seeking some therapy for myself if I was you, so I can start to undo the toxicity etc that has gone on and so you can distance yourself from them in a healthy way for yourself.
Yes we have the same father
I’m thinking your right in regards to something going on when I was born.
Sadly though no they won’t ever talk about it.
One thing my family is good as is it’s secrets.
Thank you
I really do think siblings can carry jealousy all the way through life and it does sound like there's jealousy there. The exclusion and then the overtaking of that special thing you were going to do with your Mum like as if they need to stop you having one on one time with your Mum.
I am the third/youngest daughter as well and always feel like the outcast too. One of my sisters "hogs" our mum to stop her seeing anyone else lol. Mum lives interstate while we all live in the one state but spread out, my Mum will spend all her time with my other 2 sisters and will sometimes spare me a few days if this sister doesn't have too much planned. Even if she does come to see me my sister has to come as well with all her kids and make it all about her and her kids. I haven't seen my Mum for 5 years, 2 of those because of covid but the other 3 is just because she didn't make it that far. I run a brick and mortar business so it's incredibly hard to just leave when people expect me to. Neither of my sisters work so its not like they cant fit in around me. So maybe this is a thing for third daughters? I know my mum and dad wanted a boy and only fell pregnant for the chance at a boy. My sisters were jealous of me from the beginning and I don't remember much being done about it.
Cut them off. It's very possible your mum has narcissistic personality traits and is turning all her kids against one another to keep control. OR one of your sisters is a narcissist. But honestly.... F the lot of them. If they haven't worked it out by now, they never will. The old 'you're too sensitive' is straight up gaslighting.
To your family - 'New number who dis?'
Also, happy to step in as a little sister!
Cut your sisters out of your life completely. They are toxic.
Tell your mother it is ENTIRELY HER FAULT and until SHE deals with it- you will NOT be anywhere they are. Including with her.
This behavior is unacceptable. I blame your mother entirely for not setting the standard of behavior right from the start.
And where is your father in all this??
I would forget about your so called sisters, you don't deserve to be treated this way at all, and your mum is just as bad for letting you be treated this way.