Okay, so MIL was rushed to hospital on Friday night with heart issues. We live interstate from the rest of the family.
On Sunday night I asked the SIL's about picking up my hubby from the airport so they could all spend Mother's day together. Forgoing my own, I don't have a Mother, and I'm not sure when the last time they where all together. It was also my 50th and my daughters 15th birthday.
Well did I get taken down, apparently, my husband visiting for Mother's day is a big issue. He's a 51 year old wanting to support is Mother and Father. But the SIL 's say that all the MIL will want to do is cook and clean for him. He's 51 he can cook, clean up after himself, and of course order Uber eats.
So suddenly MIL is discharged from hospital. What happens the 3 sisters and their young children turn up for afternoon tea aka help her settle in.
My eldest daughter and I share the same birthday in May, so we celebrate her birthday on that date and mine on Mother's day. I don't have any parents.
I always put my husband spending time with his family more than spending time with me and the girls.Am I such a bad person?
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11 Replies
No, you're not. I have impossible in laws as well. My MIL is very unwell & I made one general comment last week on something they were talking about & I knew a lot about & got savaged by SIL (who tried to prove me wrong... but couldn't).
I've just learned to step back & let DH deal with his family alone. I'll support his need to help them by dealing with our home/kids, visit MIL occasionally & show up at family do's if necessary but that's it. I'm not rude or obstructionary but don't attempt to be helpful. There's no point. His family, his problem.
Don't involve the SIL in your plans, he can catch a bus or taxi from the airport! She sounds very controlling
Leave her out of the plans and just book flights don’t tell her and get a taxi. Tell her nothing
It sounds like the issue is that the mother will do all this when she should be resting because her boy is coming. Honestly, I think if they're saying that the mum won't rest, it's because they know her. Probably worth taking on board and having him visit when she is a bit more stabilised.
That's exactly what I was thinking.
My grandmother is the same, she fusses over her boy who lives interstate and you just cannot stop her but then it's up to my mum, aunts and myself to pick up the pieces when he goes home because she's exhausted herself, which then affects her health. He doesn't get it because he doesn't live here, he doesn't see how stoic she is on his behalf.
If SIL is the main caregiver, I think this is probably her concern as well and postponing the trip for a few weeks is a win for everyone. Hubby still gets to see his mum and you get to have him home for your birthday/mother's day!
I have a similar family, SIL always makes an excuse why we cannot see great grandfather to our kids.
Its been 4 years so I booked a cabin and we drove down (9hrs) we didn’t tell anyone, we also didn’t upset anyone.
It was the best way.
Maybe your hubby can book accommodation so he can come and go as he pleases
I actually know what shes saying...my mum is the same. If her boys come home, shes waiting on them hand and foot and its like far out mum its not necessary!!! They don't expect it but she won't seem to take no for an answer....your SILs reaction may be coming from a place of concern and no doubt shes very worried about her mum. You sound like such a caring and giving person, but I'd say this is nothing to do with you being a good or bad person. Its about a women terrfied shes going to lose he mum.
Get you husband to speak to her. Reassure her that he will stay at a motel, will onky be there for the afternoon etc...anythinf to prevent his mum over doing it.
Why are you asking his family to pick him up? Surely he’d handle those details himself? Or he could get a cab/bus.
I’d be annoyed as a sister, not by the visit, but that I was suddenly made responsible for my brother when I’m already stretched thin. I’d also be annoyed he didn’t contact me himself! Can’t he text/call etc. has he lost he ability to communicate? Or am I just a shuttle service.
He's just a mummy's boy that doesn't realise his mum is pushing himself beyond his limits because he expects it I'd say.
You sound like a martyr and your husband sounds like a man child.
This isn’t about you or him, it’s about a sick woman.
Whether you are a good or bad person is irrelevant.
Sounds like the family are fed up with your man child husband, just because you’re happy to be his personal assistant, doesn’t mean the rest of the family is.
I think you need to remember what putting others first means.
Its not about appearing generous or selfless.
Its about doing something for others humbly without expectation on other parties to accept or reciprocate offers...
What I'm saying is, its beautiful you are so considerate of your husband's family. However they don't have to accept your gestures just because you do these things. They can decline. And you need to understand that they have that option, rather than take it as a personal attack.
Now enjoy your mother's day and birthday with your own family. Xx