idk

been together 19years 2kids and throughout that time many challenges but consistent issue has been poor communication
have tried so many different methods to communicate feelings together but it just doesn’t get any better and results in days / week just ignoring any subject matter unless it’s to do with kids
the latest occurred 3 months ago after we had sex but it was over in seconds so finished myself off something that has not occurred before but i had a couple of drinks and was over not getting my pleasure also
well ever since it’s been blame of im a cheater , i have no feelings or affection towards him , i like others , where am i what am i doing who am i talking to what am i doing on my phone. We have spoke about the issue that he has with what occurred and how he felt degraded , i’ve apologised , i’ve communicated my commitment / love ,but it just keeps getting brought up over and over again . His insecurities and lack of trust is just pushing me away . I just want to scream - i love you but i’m fucking done ,but i continue to shut my mouth and sit in silence . The pressure of being told we don’t have enough sex , im not affectionate , i don’t love him , i don’t respect his feelings . im just over the whining and the pressure of sex being the main intimacy in a relationship yet we can’t have a bloody conversation
sorry not really sure what im wanting other than to scream