First time I have ever posted on this asking for some advice. There seems to be many more trolls and very opinionated nasty people then there are the ones that can view past the Intricate details that seem petty to them and offer genuine advice. The point of this is to try to help you. It takes a lot of courage to ask for help when you don’t have anyone else to talk to and when you are completely belittled and spoken of as a revolting human as a response to asking for help it is very sad and nasty. I was always taught if you have nothing nice to say then don’t say anything at all. You never know what is going on behind-the-scenes in someone’s life and how very broken they actually are and that is why they are reaching out for your help. Isn’t this page called the imperfect mum not the perfect mum. Well my first post will be my last post which is sad as I was really hoping for some help
9 Replies
Are you the one that posted earlier? I think the problem with your post was you didn't really ask how to help with the situation or seemed interested in understanding her behaviour so you could work with her. You already decided she was annoying and you had a group of people, including your own kids, to agree with you. I think if you worded it differently you would have got different responses. Actually tell us what she's doing and when she does it. Does she say she's sick when you're all together? Does she do attention seeking things at certain times, like if her Dad is paying too much attention to you? Do your daughters make it obvious they don't like her? Look a bit beyond the "she's annoying" label and tell us what the actual behaviours are. There's always someone that has a kid exactly as you describe and can help.
Anonymous online forums such as this one can be a blessing and a curse, you can try and create a place that's a safe as possible but it'll never be perfect and you'll never entirely eradicate negative responses or trolls.
So yeah, all of us could definitely stand to be a little kinder but you've also gotta have a bit of resilience.
Because unfortunately -
There's good and bad.
There's kind and harsh.
There's support and judgment.
There's gentle and blunt.
There's constructive criticism and condemnation.
There's calm and outrage.
There's respect and pure vindictiveness.
You kinda have to prepare yourself for all of that if you choose to ask for advice online.
We all come from such different backgrounds, have different life experiences which makes certain topics emotive and we all perceive things differently. For example, I might find a response really insensitive and rude while another person might think it was direct but valid.
Some responses are undeniably mean spirited though, I feel like there's a few people here who leave comments like that who are fighting their own demons.
I agree with you. I completely understood where you were coming from and all those that say otherwise are not in your position and I highly doubt they would be any different in your situation. You are just truthful to admit it and good for you. I can’t believe the way those people attacked you. Forget the rude replies. There is no need for people to reply in such a way. There is a nice, kind way to put things.
By the way, I see how they replied to you. Imagine how they would treat that kid if they were in your position.
Many stepmothers have written in here, myself included, about step kids behaviour. Some of the behaviour is quite bad or even is consistent with a disorder like ADHD, anxiety or autism. Those posts will always get a few rude responses from people who think the stepmother is always bad but most responses are helpful. This posters description of her bf daughter was terrible, it did seem a bit like she was bullying. She didn't post any clues that she was interested in helping her, or wanting to bond. Only that she's very immature, annoying and it was justified she felt like that because her kids don't like her either and neither do her friends. She really doesn't like her at all and didn't seem interested in changing that. It's best if they break up because it's not going to work.
Yep like the one who responded to the hair dye. Her points were valid and everyone knows how bad chemicals are yet they felt the need to attack her too. So odd the behaviour of these people. They are raising children themselves. What an example. They criticise you but look how they reply. It says more about them, than you. Your post was perfectly fine and I understood it. I wouldn’t cope either.
Omg agree! I have deleted questions before they get to Facebook because people have been so nasty with their comments on here!
I don’t know how to delete them, wish I did. Some comments are awful.
If you open your post, right at the top just belowThe Imprefect Mum logo there is two pink tabs - one to edit, one to delete.