I am hoping to have some honest opinions from you amazing women :)
This post is about a teenage school leaver!
My Teenage son h diagnosed with high functioning Asperger’s and APD (Auditory Processing Disorder) at an early age of 6. He is now 16 and in Grade 11, public school. All his time in school was challenging for him but we pushed and worked through it. He has always received positive comments about his work ethic in school and his persistence . Grades were always around the C level and that was always fine with us as long as he tried. He truly did try so hard over the years. He also had support from teachers and special aids that guided him, which we are forever grateful for.
He is now in Grade 11 and the school is no longer providing him support. He is completely drowning with work. He has been with the school for two years, and he has now been told ‘earn or learn’ and if he needs assistance with learning he should consider leaving?! He is now considering leaving school because he feels he will fail anyway and he rather earn money. He does work weekends and they would offer him more hours.
He really would like to join the army, but can’t until he is 17 next year, also no guarantee that he will be accepted.
Of course we I’ll support him and his decision but I can’t help to think that we have worked so hard for 10 years and it was all for nothing. I feel, with the right assistance, he is quite capable of at least finishing year 11 and then join the Army.
We have spoken a lot, he feels helpless. He feels unsupported in school, is worried that if he leaves school now for a normal job without apprenticeship that he will never ‘make it in life’ and will be stuck. He is frightened.
What would you advice? My husband is in support of him leaving school, I am too, BUT there is this voice in me that feels that he is ‘only’ quitting because of his fear to fail??? And all his mates left school at grade 10.
How do I guide him? We came that far and I am proud of him, no matter what!
10 Replies
That’s really disappointing that the school would suddenly stop supporting him like that. Does your local TAFE offer an alternative pathway for year 11 and 12? I’m not sure how it works, but that might provide a more supportive environment for him. If he’s determined to leave school, I’d let him but have rules for him to be able to leave school. Such as, must work a minimum number of hours a week, must help more around the house, whatever you think will keep him motivated to keep going.
When I was in high school in the 90's it was really common to leave after year 9 or year 10 unless you planned on going to uni or wanted to stay. Now they really push kids to stay at school which I think is wrong. Not every kid is made for school and it can really mess with your mental health. If he wants to leave then so be it, don't make it a big decision it doesn't need to be. The beauty of now is that you can take that dead end job when you leave school and take 5 years or even more to decide on a career. We put too much pressure on young people to know exactly what they want to do with their lives at 15! I didn't even know what I wanted to do with my day let alone life at that age. Let him lead the way as long as he's doing something constructive like working or studying, get him to look at careers. Could even go and have a chat to a career advisor at Tafe they will talk to him, find out what his interests are and suggest career paths to suit. Dropping out of school could be the best thing he does.
What I hear from you is that you would be okay with him leaving, if it was for the right reasons, like he really wanted to. But in this case, its because he thinks he will fail and the school isn’t supporting him. So I totally get what you’re saying, he’s worked so hard, to give up when it counts. You feel like he deserves better than to be forced to walk away and I totally agree with you.
I would look at distance Ed, TAFE, etc other alternatives and potentially a tutor for at home as well. Maybe call the Dept of education for advice or even your local/state ASD organisation, they may have solutions.
Good luck, I truly hope you find a solution for your boy x
Does he qualify for NDIS support? If so, do they offer any help with school work? Might be an option if he truly did want to stay but needs additional support.
Having said that, career wise if he's set on leaving instead of just picking up more hours where he is do help him look into traineeships or trade apprenticeships that interest him. The study part isn't onerous and is a lot of hands on learning which is easier for most people. It never hurts to look into it.
Finally, I finished high school. My boss dropped out in year 9. In real terms those final years are setting up skills for further study. There are numerous options for him. Just remind him of that, he's not powerless, he has the gift of choice and the best part is - none of it's forever. If he leaves school he can catch up later via Tafe if that's what he wants to do. If he stays and doesn't get great grades, well he's not aiming for uni at the moment so he'll have finished school because he wanted to not because he had to.
And give the poor lad a warm hug. His school sucks balls.
Under the NDIS system funding cannot be used for schooling of any sort. Schools are supposed to provide that support. It's seen as doubling up on funds. It's a joke, especially when a school refuses to provide that support so you are stuck with nothing, but that's the rules unfortunately.
I would get in touch with the Ed Dept. The Commonwealth Disability Discrimination Act makes it clear that a person cannot be treated unfairly because of a disability. If your son wishes to remain studying, my understanding is that the school must make reasonable adjustments to ensure that happens. Every child should be given the opportunity to complete their schooling. Be an advocate for your son, maybe even consider looking at nearby schools to see what they can offer.
Yes a school is supposed to make reasonable adjustments. But many schools will just fight you on it, do the bare minimum or put things in place that don't help. Basically make it as miserable and as difficult as possible. It's their way of driving you out. Schools don't want to help these kids. It's too much hassle for them. Being a part of the special needs community I see this happen more often then not. It's disgusting and the education departments don't care.
I left school at 16 straight into a full time job. That was the rule if I wanted to leave. School was not for me. Work was not what I was expecting, I thought at the time I loved it: looking back now (30) I wish I stayed in school and remained a child for longer: also when I left school I was isolated from all my school friends and it did make a shift in some friendships.
Pull him out and register to homeschool or DE school (distance education). That way he doesn't have to jump straight into a job and can take some time off from drowing in the work. And with a DE school he can still finish his HSC is that is important to HIM (if it's only important to you then let it go)
Mainstream schooling is not the be all and end all to life. And for some kids is actually very damaging. There are many homeschooled or DE kids who are doctors, in the military or are in other highly educated and skilled jobs. Your poor boy has been told that without Mainstream education he will fail which is the biggest lie many of our kids have ever been fed, a lie you also beleive based on what you have written. I feel so bad for him.
Your son is miserable, he has told you what he needs. Do it before he no longer trusts that you have his best interests at heart. Forcing your ideas of what he needs onto him will only damage his metal health and your relationship.
I would definitely work on getting him to finish school it’s really the most basic qualification that everyone should have. I am wondering where he goes to school that all his mates left in year 10? Where I am no one leave then. I’ve had three kids finish highschool and very few kids drop out in year 10.
I’m assuming the school no longer has funding for him and that why they are not giving him support schools don’t decide who gets support that’s up to the department.
Could you get him a tutor ?