Hi all I'm a 22 year old I'm currently in a relationship with a 22 year old with ADHD we've been together two years and I'm coming for advice or any input really.
So im constantly getting moaned at and call names.
Like if he asks a question and I repeat it back or get confused I'll get called stupid or dumb and it really hurts my feelings and if I tell him it usually"well it was an easy question"
I'm constantly cleaning myself
Making sure his daughter is clean and has everything to go home with which I get moaned at for if she doesn't have everything the only thing he does Is cook and he can barely keep a job if he gets one and doesn't like it he won't look for another then leave he'll just leave and I'm expected to always be the one working it out but most day he says he can't be bothered with me.
My mental health is struggling and I'm always making excuses because he has ADHD but I don't know if that allows his behaviour
ADHD partner
ADHD partner
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health
9 Replies
His behaviour is his responsibility.
He doesn't get to use a diagnosis as an excuse for using and abusing you. It's on him to work through that.
I'd class the name calling, put downs, and the fact he can't be fucked doing what HE should be doing for his daughter, a deal breaker to be honest. You don't need this loser in your life.
ADHD does not excuse his behaviour. He is verbally abusive towards you.
You are too young to waste your life in this shitty relationship. Get out, there are so many better men out there and you deserve to be happy and have a partner who doesn’t put you down.
This is an abusive relationship and they rarely get better.
Doesn’t sound like fun. Think carefully about the cart you hitch yourself to, sounds like you need way better than this.
None of that behaviour is linked to his ADHD. if he is saying it is then he's using it as an excuse.
Adhd means he may have trouble concentrating or focusing, not calling people names!! (Unless he also has tourettes syndrome!)
Why are you putting up with this? A partner is supposed to love and care for you. Find someone who will do that
As someone with adhd, behaviour is not an excuse
He needs to learn some skills to deal with executive function,
Is he medicated? If not, he needs to either be medicated or seek a doctors help to work out coping skills.
Also, he needs to learn to look after his child, the child is his after all.
Sorry but he sounds like a walking red flag, and is trying to blame it on his adhd
The "Step" post that went to Facebook today, was that yours too?
Darling, you are 21! You should be living your life to the max right now, not being tied down to a man who uses his diagnosis to justify his abusive behaviour.
I know plenty of people who have adhd. They all work, can look after themselves, take responsibility for their children and are just generally as functional as any other person. So no, his diagnosis doesn't allow this behaviour!
My partner also has ADHD and does none of this.
His behaviour isn't ADHD, it's asshole.
ADHD is not an excuse to do whatever he wants. He needs to learn how to self-regulate and not resort to name calling etc. He actually has to take ownership of this and you do not have to put up with it at all. There are people out there without ADHD who unfortunately think it's okay to treat their partner like crap and many with ADHD who would never dream of doing what he's doing. Do not let him hide behind a diagnosis. It's his responsibility to seek treatment if he thinks it's ruining his relationship, not yours to tolerate. Psychologists, Psychiatrists etc.
So this definitely has a lot to do with his ADHD as it’s NOT only having trouble concentrating! Having said that, his behaviour is unacceptable and he needs to seek help, possibly meds and to study up on his condition and how to control his feelings and outbursts. There are quite a few articles and podcasts on Additude magazine’s website.
If you actually want to, give him a month or two. Speak to him, tell him this behaviour needs to stop. Tell him to seek help.
You should also study up on Adhd and what it means and can mean.
If nothing changes, walk away. Cause this will drag you down, eff up your self esteem and break you. Don’t allow for this abuse.
This is coming from a place of experience, but my angry adhd guy is getting better, it has taken a lot of work though. I’m positive for the future but that doesn’t mean you have to be. Please don’t give it too much time, and don’t allow for this sort of behaviour.
He needs to be better, make sure he knows that.