I have 4 children. I have been with my husband since high school. For a few years now I have come to the conclusion that I’m not in love. I don’t think I even know what it feels like to be in love. He is a beautiful person but I just don’t think he’s the one for me. We are great friends but I don’t get the urge to have sex with him anymore and when we do I just don’t feel that connection. We have been through a lot over the years, and every argument we have I feel like it’s only a temporary fix because deep down I don’t think he will ever change and we slowly fall back into bad habits. I know I need to see a therapist I’m just finding it hard to find time to see one. I have been feeling really depressed and I don’t know if it’s because of the relationship or if it’s because I don’t even know who I am anymore. I have mentioned this to him recently. He suggested I start reading.. I don’t read and I don’t enjoy it. I know he’s trying to help but it just proves he doesn’t know me at all. He asked what things interest me and I said things that are fun. I don’t even know.. I guess I mean extreme sports, exploring.. things I did before I fell pregnant young. I have told him this before but he has never gone out of his way to do any of this with me, instead when we have a free night he’s just happy to drink and I’m not really a drinker. Every time I think about leaving I think where would I go, how would I go without money, how he will feel being on his own. I don’t want to take the kids off him, it actually breaks my heart thinking about him being on his own in an empty house. I just can’t shake this depression and I don’t want to go on meds just to numb something I’m urning for. Lately things he has said has really made me question does he even know if he loves me the way he says because he’s never really had any other girl apart from me. I haven’t been eating properly and I’ve lost some weight (I’m already slim) and he compliments me asking if I’m on a diet and I said well no I just haven’t really been eating and he wasn’t concerned or anything and just said well u should be but your looking good? I don’t know what I’m asking just need some advice I guess
1 Replies
It’s not up to me him to reignite your spark and find things that fulfill you, that’s an inside job.
Look into hobbies, studying, jobs etc. find what makes you passionate.
Build the life you want.
When you are feeling fulfilled then revisit if you want to break up with him.
Sounds like you’re in a bit of a rut.
There’s no shame in going to the doctor, discussing depression, it doesn’t mean you have to take medication, but as a start, at least find out if you have it first.
Remember, you only get one life, this isn’t a dress rehearsal, you aren’t a passenger, you’re driving this thing.
Show your kids that you go and and get what you want, you’ve got this x