Hi everyone.
I have not posted here before but feel I need to get this out as I have no one else to talk to.
I constantly feel like everyone looks down on me or I am a nuisance. I just recently got a new job which to start with I enjoyed and still do but I just feel when I ask for help with things I am unsure of I am being a pain and and some of the looks I get from co workers are like they are disgusted to even look at me.
I don’t know if it’s me in my head or not but I just get that vibe as well. I feel like everyone I come into contact with thinks it’s ok to treat me with disrespect and that I am worthless and not worth the time. I also have 2 little ones that are 3 and I hate the fact that more and more I am thinking it would be easier to just not be here.
Anyway I hope this makes sense and thank you for reading.
3 Replies
It sucks being new and finding your feet.
Give it a little while, you'll find the people who are willing to help and the ones that have forgotten what it was like when they first started.
I'm always helping people at work, even with stuff that isn't my department, because I remember 20 years ago being the new kid. If I can't help them I deliberately put them onto the specific person I know that can and will help.
If you find in a few weeks you're still having trouble ask your boss (or HR) if they can get you a mentor.
You sound like you have undiagnosed depression. Speak to your dr and maybe try some ant depressants. Please don’t listen to the things you tell yourself. The mind is so powerful and takes it’s so easy to think so many things but it’s not true. You might think they are disgusted but they aren’t. It’s how you interpret things. It’s easy to do when we are depressed. Please speak with your dr about feeling this way and depression.
Oh, sweetheart 😔 my heart breaks for you. I completely understand how you feel. Starting a new job is never easy, and neither is finding your feet in a new position. Having two 3 year old kids is enough to suck the life out of you… trust me, I’ve had FIVE 😅 we love them unconditionally and we would die for them without even blinking… question is, shouldn’t we live for them too?
Please don’t take it as a lecture. You see, I too used to have those thoughts when my five were all under the age of 8 and their useless father was always missing in action (too busy gambling at the casino). I used to think the only way my messy life would get better is if I died, then it’ll all go away - the suffering, the loneliness, the exhaustion. I never felt I was good enough and I always felt unaccomplished. The washing would pile up to my eyeballs, I’d be elbows deep in a sink full of dirty dishes, the house would look like a bomb was set off in it because the kids thought it would be funny to run a muck while mummy feeds the newborn. Arrrgghhhh it was hectic 😔 I hate looking back.
The one reason I chose not to end it all, were the little brats that were driving me up the wall. I just couldn’t bear the fact that they’d grow up without a mother 💔 how they’d be treated by others. Who would wipe away their tears if they hurt themselves? Who would hold them and love them like their own? Who will protect them like a lioness protects her cubs? And who would die for my babies?
They are the reason I’m still here today at 43 years of age. The eldest is 24 and the youngest 16. It wasn’t easy but we got there lol.
I’m begging you to keep being the fucking nuisance that you THINK you are. Your babies, myself and everyone reading/commenting on this post would prefer a nuisance that’s present in her childrens lives than a non nuisance that is absent from her babies who need her more than anything in this world.
I live in Brisbane, so please reach out to me if you need ANYTHING - even if it’s just to vent to get shit off your chest ❤️❤️❤️
Your crown is a tiny bit crooked mumma bear. Hold your head high as it adjusts the crown for better positioning to catch the light for a brighter shine 👑❤️👑 and don’t ever forget that you are loved!!!