Am I overreacting here? My husband admitted to me that on a boys weekend away they were on cocaine (while drunk), it took me to tell him I’d be calling all his mates to find out the truth and if his lying saying “no he hasn’t done drugs” then I’ll be super angry. I got suss because in general convo he spoke about how it makes you feel etc and I instantly knew he has had it. He promised it was only that one weekend and will not do it again….but this was months ago and I thought we were both very against drug use. We have 3 kids and he left us home for a weekend while off doing that! Should I be angry?
13 Replies
He left you and the kids home for the weekend to get on the coke with his mates. He’s had it before and what else did he get up to on that weekend. Your home with 3 kids think he needs to grow up! What would he do if you were out for a weekend drinking and on coke. Didn’t tell him and you found out 3 months later . You have every right to be pissed.
It depends on how you look at it.
No, he didn't leave you and the kids home for the weekend to do that. He left you all home to go and spend the weekend with mates. I assume this was agreed upon.
Where I would be angry is the not being the person he appeared to be. "I thought we were both very against drug use". He's either lied or omitted valuable information that would have led you to believe otherwise, and possibly not have married him nor borne his children.
I suppose you could go down the route of routine drug tests, maybe he is telling the truth and it was that one time. I wouldn't believe it myself.
You don't just casually do cocaine! I'd be very surprised if this was a once off.
I'd be angry but more repulsed. There's nothing more gross than seeing people out and about who are coked out of their heads, especially middle aged guys who have wives and kids at home. If you still wanna do party drugs at that point in your life, get some help.
I'd honestly have a really hard time getting past this.
Plenty of people do coke casually. It's a party drug, not like heroin.
As a once in a while thing, I think you're overreacting. What he does is not your decision to make or under your control. I would be more concerned why they were using it to begin with as most people use it for sex.
Most people do NOT use it for sex. Most people have it like he did with mates to drink and party ( dance, chat stay up longer)
I’d be furious.
Taking cocaine is a serious thing. It would make me think very differently about my partner.
Cocke and grog together kill . Unlike any other drug , when coke is used in conjunction with alcohol it causes sudden cardiac death. He's playing with fire
Coke*
Yes!
It's the reckless disregard for his health and the potentially catastrophic consequences that would make me angry.
Who would take those kind of risks when they have a family to go home to?!
I know someone who did it as a 1 off. They'd said no their whole lives and on that night, they'd had enough beers to think 'when in Rome' and see what the fuss was about. They said they had no desire to do it again because it really was situational, but the only negative for them was the fury from their wife for the risk they took with their health which would have had an immense impact on the wife and children if something had gone wrong. Well, that and the potential legal and financial ramifications if there was a random drug test at some stage afterwards. You can absolutely be furious. But make it clear that you're angry because his decisions can affect you and the kids. That way it isn't just because you 'don't agree with drugs' (though that is highly valid).
Also, stats around people who have tried a drug once only (including harder drugs) are extremely high. So it very well could have been a one off. Go with your gut on that one. If someone is doing drugs more frequently there would be signs.
I think you are over reacting. Who gives a shit. Its done. He was going away with mates and planned the weekend, didn't just up and leave you short notice at home with the kids. What's the point of holding on to anger over this? It happened, he had fun, won't do it again. Move on
Personally for me I wouldn’t care. Everyone’s situation is different. I’m failing to understand is it the drugs or him not telling you? I’m going to play devils advocate here, if he was open and honest about going away with the boys and his intentions, would it still have bothered you? From what I’m reading there doesn’t seem to be a level of trust.