Would you be willing to buy a house with a man who doesnt want to marry?
I want to buy a house but not with my partner.
I've been with my partner for 3 years and although he tells me how very much he loves me, he doesn't want to commit to marriage as he's seen too many "broken marriages" his parents divorce etc..
So my question is, isn't buying a house together a lifetime commitment too?
He doesn't have any savings, is crap at money management, is good at spending on himself but not so good at paying bills, and only pays 500 fortnight contribution to the household. When our power bill went over our credit payed I asked him for half and he said he contributes already... he did eventually pay 1/3 off the bill but not without whinging.
Do I just save the deposit and make the move to buy a house myself?
I also want to add: after 2 long term relationships that didn't work out in hesitant in believing that I'm not just wasting more of my life on yet another failed relationship hence why I kind of want more of a commitment before getting into debt together, however I'm ready to start settling myself by buying a home. How do I go about buying a house without him thinking "we" are buying it and not hurt his feelings.
Would you be willing to buy a house with a man who doesnt want to marry?
Would you be willing to buy a house with a man who doesnt want to marry?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
16 Replies
Why do you want to marry him?
No way! The alarm bells are already there. If I was you, I would keep finances seperate and confidential from him. Do it on your own. A grown ass man that acts like that shows he isn’t ready and prob never will be. He sounds way too selfish and irresponsible with money to commit to a house with. He would also end up with half if you split. Go this alone. You sound like your head is screwed on and his isn’t.
Nope
Not wanting to get married wouldn't be a deal breaker for me - I can understand that stance, marriage doesn't automatically make a relationship committed, healthy, respectful etc. I too have seen a lot of marriages break down, it doesn't exactly make the idea of marriage appealing.
However, his money issues would be.
I would never make such a huge financial commitment with someone who is reckless with cash, has no savings, complains about helping pay for utilities and only contributes minimally to household expenses.
I’d buy the house and not let him move in. He doesn’t want to commit and is looking for a free ride it seems so live separately.
Don’t live with him. If he won’t commit by marriage, I’d terrible with money, don’t buy a house with him.
Get legal advice on how to protect your assets. The de facto laws in this country make it possible for him to be a shared owner if he lives with you.
$500 seeing a lawyer could save you half a house!
Thank you this is the best advice so far!
I agree with all of this
Yes I would buy a house with someone if they didn’t want to get married, but are in a committed relationship, not everyone wants to get married.
However I wouldn’t buy a house with someone who is so bad with saving money, spending money, whinges about paying their fair share - absolutely not, no way. Recipe for disaster.
You are complaining that he won't marry you so you must be pushing and wanting that. Then you go through all the reasons why you shouldn't buy a house together? Do those things not matter in a marriage, only when buying a house?
You understand that married or not, your name or both names, due to being in a relationship so long he will still be entitled to claim against it in a separation?
If you don't see a long term investment in the man why are you stringing him along? Cut him free and go achieve your goals.
My parents never married. My mum had the exact same reasoning, she had too many failed marriages around her to think it was necessary. 27 years together and death did them part.
They bought a house, raised 3 kids and welcomed three grand kids. My mum always said her house and her kids were more of a commitment to my dad than a piece of paper and a ring.
I spent 11 years with my husband, welcomed 3 kids and never bought a house. I'm getting divorced this year.
Just because something is right for everyone else doesn't mean it is for you.
I've never cared about marriage, and my partner had just come out of a VERY bad marriage when we met; he stayed for about 10 years too long because he felt obligated. So we agreed that we would never get married, but I said after a decent amount of time, I want a big fat honking diamond ring, and I'll settle for that. And we are planning to buy a house together in the near future.
I would not be combining finances with this guy at all; if you live together and he's sloppy at paying bills, or not coming up with his half, draw up a budget of all the bills, and work out how much he needs to pay every payday, and have him transfer the money straight to you every payday.
What are his views on buying a house together? Surely in 3 years together the marriage / house conversation can't be a new thing.
If you want to buy a house on your own, then as someone above said, get an agreement drawn up that he will pay you rent to live there and he'll have no future claim on the property. My partner insisted on having one of these drawn up and signed as I owned a unit before we got together (which we don't live in); but he wanted to make sure I'm confident that it will always be mine and mine alone.
Is a fiercely independent woman, and someone who is also driven to do big life things. If he can't meet you on that stuff. it's time to move on. Money IMO is a deal breaker. if you can and are able do it on your own
I said this to my ex. if he couldn't commit to marriage, then no fucken way was I committing to buying a house with him.
Marriage is a personal choice and not everyone wants to do it my partner and I have been together for 18 years we have absoloutley no intention of getting married he knew this when we started dating that I didn’t want to get married he has had to accept that it’s never going to happen but does not mean that I don’t love him or want to be committed because I think 3 children and 18 years says that more than a piece of paper people get married every single day doesn’t mean that they actually love each other or that it’s going to work.
What you need to ask yourself is do you want to be in that relationship if you can’t trust him and want to do things without him does he want to buy a house if he does then sitting down together and discussing how you will save the deposit etc would be the right thing to do if you can’t talk about things then maybe it’s not the right relationship for you