Looking for advice please
I dont know how much I can take & I dont know how you all do it.
I realize I've dug my own grave; I've had PTSD for 13 years, depression and anxiety for 20+ years. I have 2 beautiful children.
I'm overwhelmed, I hate housework because theres never enough time for me to recharge. I have a condition called Restless Legs Syndrome which causes insomnia. Going on the 4th year of being cut off from my Mum and rest of my family; long story short; she wanted me to stay home with her for the rest of her life and would punish me by withdrawing love & affection and give me the silent treatment for weeks if I wanted to do something with my life like try to be independant.
I do it all, I mow and whipper snip my yard, try to keep the gardens tidy, I cook (even though I hate it), I'm really struggling to keep my house clean every single day & qlot of the time is spent disassociating via fb and tiktok. I'm constantly telling myself I'm just not good enough, I'm lazy, I did this to myself.
I have an over-the-phone councilor I talk to once a fortnight but by the time our appointments come I have nothing to say. I run out of energy constantly, I wait until every dish is dirty before I roll my sleeves up and actually do it but i swear my kids use like 5 different cups a day. My oldest child (13) would rather have dinner in his room/ on the lounge in front of a screen than to sit down at the table and eat with me. Gosh some hard truths in here I'm tearing up just typing it out. I take the kids to their dads twice a month (3hrs away) but I stay there too so I literally never even exist without my children. My old car is falling apart and not enough room for us all when taking the 2 kids, 2 dogs and myself for that 3 hr drive; alot of arguments, alot of demanding. I'm too bloody negative to have friends. I cant even take my 3 year old to daycare due to my PTSD; I go crazy hearing her cry and I will pace, cover my ears, and experience and unbelievable amount of guilt and panic. So shes with me literally 24/7. Even while sleeping she has to have her hand on my face, I'm not allowed to get comfortable or turn over because she will scream etc. Which is hard when you have RLS and insomnia and just want to get up and have a cuppa without someone touching you all over and demanding things. I've lost count how many times Ive actually asked for help. No one cares, no ones willing to help. I wouldnt even know what type of help I need. I'm exhausted, I'm tired of putting my hand up, I'm tired of drowning, I'm tired of crying and feeling helpless.
Support for single Mum- Mental Health
Support for single Mum- Mental Health
Posted in:
Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression
5 Replies
Get some help, life is tough but if you’re not coping then do something about it.
I was a single mum with no family and only 2 friends i trusted.
I looked after the whole house, did not have a car so walked 15km a day to get my kids to school, cooked, cleaned, mowed, whipper snipped, garden maintenance, shopping, laundry EVERYTHING and still had time to recharge because i worked on a schedule. If i was feeling flat, i’d do bare minimum and rest. It was tough, but i was seeing a therapist and on medication to assist with my depression and anxiety.
This is not intended to be a “i can do bettwr than you” post, sorry if it comes off this way, just trying to highlight how helpful therapy and medication can be.
Can you please stop for a min and take a breather. It may help you to know that you aren’t alone. It’s bloody hard being a mum. We all struggle at times. We hate house work, our kids uses so many dishes.. their rooms are messy. It’s exhausting. I have cut our dishes down to one each. Get rid of the extra cups, plates etc. 1 each, they soon learn to wash it. The next thing you can do, at dinner time. You take away the kids technology and cut off the wifi. Sit them
Down and tell them that dinner time is for you to all eat together and talk about your days. Find some positives in it. Your kids don’t get their technology back until they help you clean up after dinner. Explain to them that you need help. You are exhausted and you aren’t their slave. It would take them 15 mins max after dinner to help then they get their technology back.
Speak to your Dr about medication to help you sleep. Go to the chemists and they have some thing OTC. I use phenegan OTC for my RLS but I got the ok from my Dr first. Just run it by your dr.
Lack of sleep makes everything feel 100 x worse than it already is.
Once you get a good night sleep, things will start to come together. I know it’s shit and not having family around to support or help, it’s hard and it hurts. But you have kids to raise, who love you unconditionally. Who think you are an amazing mum and you are all they have. You need to get yourself out of this hole and focus on the positives. Stop telling yourself things that aren’t true. Instead tell your self how amazing you are for doing all that you do, for raising your kids alone. Get them involved so you don’t feel less alone, make them.
Things will get better. Take it day by day. Go for a walk each morning even when you don’t feel like it, it will change your mood & get your ready for a nice day ahead. Beach walks are the best.
You aren’t alone in this. If you get so desperate though please call life line or beyond blue. Hang in there, it will get better.
I have a very similar story. It is really tough being a single mum, particularly with a demanding child.
I will offer some advice. First, you need to look after yourself better. You need some time to yourself.it sounds like your 3 year old is wearing the pants. You need to set some boundaries. Start with sending her to childcare. Yes, PTSD makes you feel uncomfortable, but she will be ok. My son did this for years. He was fine within minutes. He was doing this so I wouldn't leave. Drop your child off and leave immediately. Get the staff to stay in contact with you so you know how she is coping.
You need to talk to dad to pick kids up or drop off. You shouldn't be doing all the driving.
I've found that if I didn't get some time to myself it impacted my mental health greatly. You will feel much better if you get that chance to unwind and relax with no demands.
I wish you all the best.
Ah you poor thing. You need to get your house in order so you can get your head in order. Firstly - 13 yo boys just like to be in their rooms (and girls too) that part is ok. Just tell him that you love him and to open a window from time to time to get rid of the smell. While we’re on him - why is he not mowing the lawn? Mine do? They will fight over it because if they do the lawn they get perks - ipad time, cash, computer time etc. If he’s 13 and living in your house he needs to be doing something. My 10 & 12 yo also do washing. Just a basic load of school uniforms. They have to do two loads each a week on alternating days. It’s awesome. It takes soooo much pressure off me in the laundry. Dinner. Make a list of the easiest dinners on your rotation. Then each week make a weekly menu. I HATE deciding what to make for dinner. It drives me mad. This way I don’t even think about it. It’s on the fridge. I can also call ahead to the kids and ask them to start peeling potatoes or to get the mince out. Sit down with your 13yo and explain to him that you are going to have to work as a team because you can’t do it all.
Now your 3 yo. Lovely lady you need to get leave her at daycare. ❤️ It’s hard I know. But she is going to have sooo much fun. Plus you NEED the time out. Also if you don’t get her used to be away from you her first year of school is going to be a nightmare. I’m assuming you have to stay at your x’s because she can’t be away from you. You need to start getting that sorted. You need time out. He should be driving one way at least. Why do you have to do all the driving. You should be meeting half way. That’s just insane! Plus you mentioned your car is about to die so you shouldn’t be the one driving the whole way!
You need to start changing things in your life to help you but at the end of the day you are the only one who can do that. Don’t feel sorry for yourself, it will only make you spiral down further. Head up, make some changes and be the person/mum/family you want to be.
Your doing what you can
R the kids fed & clean & school
You really need to think about making time for YOU
Maybe a playgroup or mother's group
Local neighbourhood centre may be a good start
Interaction with others
Have a realistic goal set such as get your nails done / hair done / a pamper / beach trip / zoo /park ect
I just want to reach out & help you
Get a good counselor on board
to debrief / your concerns
Whatever you feel like talking about
I suffered from RLS for about 3 yrs
& Suffer from PTSD / anxiety / depression
I'm on the correct meds & have amazing friends to talk too
Hope U r ok mumma 💜