Hi Sisters.
I'll try and keep this short and sweet. After 25 years we decided that our marriage had run its course and we were no longer in love. We did promise to each other that the children still needs both parents active in their lives so we co parent. We are friends. We always will be. We have been living individual personal lives for a while now, separate housing etc. It really is a good arrangement, and it's working. For the most part, the kids and adults are happy. In short, I have met someone. I really don't want to jeopardize the family dynamic, but I also don't want to harbor secrets either. How did you approach your family to tell them that you had met someone? I know this element will change things, but hopefully not in a negative way. Thanks in advance.
4 Replies
The best way for a smooth transition is take it slow. Get to know who ever you have met for at least 6 months before bringing the kids into it. Small introductions in safe settings and gradually build. Making plenty of time for the kids and you on your own.
Gently tell the kids you are seeing someone, that you are taking it slow, and they are your number 1 priority.
I’d see how it goes for awhile. No point changing things if it’s just a fling. So depends how long you been seeing each other for. If it’s just a few weeks I’d wait a little longer. If it’s 6 months or more and you feel it’s real go for it. You deserve to be happy and move on but like you said you want the kids happy too etc so just tread careful and enjoy
My ex and I have been separated for 4 years. We have only just gotten on the same page (finally) end of last year. We both have too much in our own lives to even begin looking, but it does still worry me. Not that I don't want him to move on, but more because the thought of adding someone new to the mix after 20 years seems terrifying. I'd like to think that if/when it happens that we would talk to each other first. Maybe meet the new person ourselves and wait until we are comfortable before introducing the kids - and slowly at that. Good luck, I wish you luck x
UPDATE: thank you for the replies. 🙏🏻
The children are 13, 15 and 23 (still living at home but leads an independent life).
I have kept the new relationship at a level where I didn’t want anything over the top. Met just under a year ago, and things progressed. With that said, I feel the family dynamic is far more important, and I personally am not ready to commit to a new relationship, nor do I want to impact what ex and I have. It’s very rare to be able to walk away from marriage and still be in a position to be friends. And that is important. It’s also important for the kids to see it can be done. Respecting each other and knowing that one day there will be new partners is something we have discussed, but right now, I think the timing isn’t right to be introducing someone new.
Footnote: we have been separated just on 2 years.
Thanks again sisters. 🥰