My husband has become very taken with wearing ladies knickers, lacey ones in particular. I'm not into it at all, & have asked him to not wear them to bed, & if he is wearing them, frankly I'd rather not know, & not see it. Fair play to him for telling me, he was extremely put out by my requests though. Any thoughts on this, were my requests to him okay?
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It doesn’t matter what you or I say, the op is turned off by it. Full stop. She can’t make herself feel okay with it.
No smart, carefully crafted, logically driven response you give can change someone’s internal feelings on this.
If you were giving me an intelligent counter argument on why iPhones are better than Samsung’s, you may be able to sway me, but this is basic attraction.
There’s no rhyme or reason to it.
It’s basic human instinct.
Also, many women on here feel the same, so her feelings aren’t that atypical of the situation.
You can shout and scream all your reasons why it isn’t fair, it’s not equality etc but you can’t get inside of ops mind and change her feelings.
It’s primal, it’s men and woman, we are physically different and op can’t get past this because she obviously subconsciously sees her partner one way and this has changed that.
Oh and I think the odd man will tell you they have wanked with some clothing lol
I think there's more to it than that, as I stated there's a lot of factors involved
Personally, I'd say that it's not a turn on, that I find it uncomfortable/weird but ultimately it was up to him if he continued wearing them... if he did, I'd think that speaks volumes and that he didn't actually want to turn me on 🤣
So something that makes him feel good is trumped by your wants?
Basically, he has to live to turn you on. I hope you’re always doing whatever he wants you to do to turn him on too.
Maybe one day your man will tell you that the way you wear your hair is a turn off. Or that your make up turns him off. Or whatabout your underwear choices not being sexy enough. If you don’t change those things to turn him on then you’re being a crap partner 🤷🏼♀️
I would say that if either partner is no longer wishing to be sexually attractive to their partner, there’s a definite disconnect there.
Obviously a troll post.
Look, he’s probably always had these feelings, I’m gathering he may be middle aged? Seems to be the time when a lot of men start becoming comfortable with who they actually are.
It’s a massive adjustment for you. I’m not going to give you any “woke” advice or crap on about gender equality and blah blah blah
I think your request was fair, I know I’d be pretty confused if my husband all of a sudden started wearing Womens underwear. Essentially it’s cross dressing, it’s up to you whether you are happy to accept this or not. Best of luck x
Honestly if someone told me not to do something I'd probably do the opposite. If he likes it, who cares.
This type of comment is very gender stereotypical. Yes they are labelled for women, but why can't men wear them? The same as the amount of women who were wearing Step One undies, they had to bring out women's ones.
And all these comments "and you'd be ok with your husband...." honestly I'd ask my husband how on earth he thinks they're comfy because I definitely don't think they are lol. But if he said yes he really enjoys it and they're the most comfortable undies he can find then so be it.
This is such a sensitive topic. The actual underwear is not a big deal. It's just fabric, I am also a big believer in no one should tell me what to wear so thr same has to go for men too. That said is this a new thing? Is it just cause he like them? or is he exploring who he is, including sexuality? I think he trusted you enough to say something, that's your window to be supportive and ask questions. You don't have to agree that is different. If you are not okay with it, that is also totally alright too, so sounds like you have some decisions to make, do you love him enough to understand, or has this rocked your core beliefs to a point you can't be a part of it? Good luck
I can see both sides, but if the woman doesn't feel comfortable then she doesn't feel comfortable. Her feelings are just as valid as his, even more so. As if he kept this issue secret till after they married then that's shady as f*ck. I would of left him if I was in same position.
It goes deeper than just lacy knickers, what else is he hiding? Does he have more secrets?
Then there's the other issue of him lying to her by omission, and the fact he waited till they were married.
If it's no big deal why did he wait till now to come clean, and what else is going on with him, what else is he not saying.
Her issue is she feels hurt, betrayed and now can't trust him, because of his lying by omission, and because of him not telling her before the marriage. If she feels uncomfortable with him I don't think that the issue will resolve, I think she will just fester resentment over time, same with him. But as he's at fault for not being honest, he gets the blame.
I couldn't trust him. Not because of knickers, but for his lack of honesty.
He has put this woman in an awful position. She has a right to feel the way she does.
I will add I'm not a prude, i don't care what he wears, but if I was with a guy we got married and he didn't tell me something like that, then I would give him the boot. It would have nothing to do with the knickers, it would be about him hiding the issue till AFTER we were married, not giving me the choice till after we were married, lying by omissions.
I couldn't trust him, I would Harbor anger and resentment, and I would be hurt.
I would feel tricked and that he had done it deliberately. So I would basically not want to be with this person.
Why would you want to be with an untrustworthy liar that hides things and puts you in a position where you look like the bad guy for rejecting his idiosyncrasies. Idiosyncrasies you knew nothing about till after you were married..
There's more than one issue here.
The marketing companies have done a great job haven't they?
Clothes are for people. Your hubby is a person.
It's not different to a female wearing plain undies. Or boyleg undies, or even pants.
In my opinion, it's something you need to change about yourself, not something he needs to change. And I do not doubt it'll be hard to change your opinion on it and that's ok too. We're told by society what we can and can't wear, do, say, so it's a decent thing to over come.
This is fucked up shit
If my hubby was wearing the lacey
Knickers I'd cut off his dick
It's not ok in my books
What's next my stilletoes & sexy bras
So what if he did wear those, he’d probably look better than you.
If my husband did this I would be questioning his sexuality and something deeper going on. Maybe suggest he see someone to talk about why he wants to wear them? I wouldn’t ask him to stop because it’s only hiding what’s really going on. You have to decide if you can take it.
I totally get where you’re feeling right now.
My husband and I have recently started a new experience. He asked me if I’d consider locking his penis in a cock cage and being a ‘key holder’ and we’re in the process of figuring out what that looks like for us.
This was the second time he’s asked me. He asked 8 years ago and I said no thanks. It took him 8 years to ask again. There is something deeper to this and you need to figure it out.
It is common for men to need that release from being in power and releasing it to someone or something else. My husband is not into lacey underwear or cuckolding etc but it’s quite common for those men searching for that release to be into it. Us woman though (generalization) we want our partners to be strong and manly! It’s a conundrum when they purposefully want to relinquish that. It puts pressure on us and makes us question our self worth because is it possible we’re part of the reason why they’re doing this? It’s not. It is probably true that your husband has been thinking about it for many years.
I suggest you read up about it. Talk with your husband and find out what his needs are. Why he wants to do this? How long has he been doing it? What are his expectations or requests as far as you’re concerned?
Don’t be hard on yourself. I don’t think you did anything wrong by asking your husband not to do it around you. You responded by telling him how you feel. It’s a big thing to drop on your partner and anyone who trivializes it hasn’t been there so they can’t relate.
Take care of you.
Yesssssss....I find on dating websites there are a lot of men looking for some kind of situation where the woman is in control. One was looking for a FLR (female led relationship), cross dressers, lots wanting to be the submissive in the relationship. For me, I want the manly man so declined. It must be hard for these men to find a woman on board, a domantrix if you like. I bet if we spoke to a sex worker, they would probably say a lot of men are looking to be sexually dominated in some way. The way society labels men and women, it must be incredibly hard for these men to communicate these feelings. I mean what is the solution? I think if society was a safe place, men could communicate these things at the beginning (which from online dating shows it becoming more acceptable, maybe after having one miserable marriage, these men are more willing to be honest) and women can decide if they’re in or out. But after years of marriage, coming out with this, makes it incredibly hard for both. She didn’t sign up for a sissy type husband and he is obviously tired of pretending to be the big strong male. If people felt safe enough at the beginning of the relationship, everyone could find someone they are sexually compatible with. The same goes for wanting threesomes, anal, role playing etc how can we know if we are right for each other if both people aren’t honest? The same goes for women, we need tk be honest too, like if we’re bi and want to have fun with women from time to time etc. I guess this post shows that as a society we have a long way to go.
Indeed we do!
Admittedly I’ve done lots of things I never thought I would since being with my husband. People change. Anal, spanking, tied up, toys, pegging him. Hard pass is choking and sharing with other people. I suppose there are more but they haven’t come up yet.
It’s fun. Sex is meant to be fun. If I’m a dominatrix I’m very vanilla. Maybe I should wear white lace instead of black leather lol.
In this case though I think the OP’s husband is not just looking for fun and has some deeper reasons for it. It’s a need he feels. How awful he must feel to have to hide it. What does that do to a persons psyche? His self esteem has to suffer too. At the same time I totally understand how the OP feels. It can be a shock. For example when my husband asked me to be a key holder 8 years ago I thought it was because he thought I didn’t trust him and wanted to control him. When a man comes out with these urges and shares them - it’s all about trust. He must really trust his wife and wants her help.
I can say that being a key holder is pretty good. He happily gives me lots of orgasms while he’s locked up. Not sure if the OP’s hubby is thinking about it too (the Lacey knickers and locked cocks are a common thing), but if he brings it up she should definitely consider it.
Indeed we do!
Admittedly I’ve done lots of things I never thought I would since being with my husband. People change. Anal, spanking, tied up, toys, pegging him. Hard pass is choking and sharing with other people. I suppose there are more but they haven’t come up yet.
It’s fun. Sex is meant to be fun. If I’m a dominatrix I’m very vanilla. Maybe I should wear white lace instead of black leather lol.
In this case though I think the OP’s husband is not just looking for fun and has some deeper reasons for it. It’s a need he feels. How awful he must feel to have to hide it. What does that do to a persons psyche? His self esteem has to suffer too. At the same time I totally understand how the OP feels. It can be a shock. For example when my husband asked me to be a key holder 8 years ago I thought it was because he thought I didn’t trust him and wanted to control him. When a man comes out with these urges and shares them - it’s all about trust. He must really trust his wife and wants her help.
I can say that being a key holder is pretty good. He happily gives me lots of orgasms while he’s locked up. Not sure if the OP’s hubby is thinking about it too (the Lacey knickers and locked cocks are a common thing), but if he brings it up she should definitely consider it.