Hi there lovely ladies 😊
Thought I'd seek some tips and advice with regard to addressing the topic of adoption.
A bit of background info, my husband and I adopted our youngest son more or less after he was born. Biologically he is my nephew and my brother is his biological father. My brother and I have always had a distant relationship and not had much to do with each other as adults. He is no longer with our sons biological mother and we don't know where she is. Which is fine. We also have an older son, who is biologically ours.
Our son is still in our opinion, too young to know about the adoption but in the next 3 or so years will be old enough to begin to know that he is adopted etc.
I'm struggling to know when and how is a good time/way of approaching the subject though and would really appreciate hearing of other mums/families stories. How young is too young, how did you go about it, what support is out there for adoptive parents and what are some things to be aware of?
Thanks in advance for any tips or guidance you may have to offer 😊
4 Replies
He needs to be told now. The sooner you introduce him to the story of his birth/adoption the better he will handle it. It’s better they know before they can understand.
When I looked into adoption years ago, that’s how we were told to handle it.
You should put a super positive spin on it about how they were truly wanted etc. you could write it in a scrapbook with pictures of yourself with him as a baby etc.
if you really unsure how to approach it, then I’d involve a child psychologist to help you write it.
But done wait, holding off for a few years is never a good idea, it should be something they just know from birth. Otherwise it comes as a big shock and they question everything!
What country are you in? How old is the child?
The younger and sooner the better, so he grows up feeling like it’s normal and you aren’t hiding anything else he will resent you later in life springing that on him and living a lie. Try and make it open and free like it’s no big deal. Play it down a bit so he isn’t shocked or sad. Just explain that he had a different mummy at birth but you are his mum now. Find a suitable book you can read to him & point out that Is like him and his family now. Please please make it open for him from the start. Don’t hide a thing. It needs to be done from the get go. Have people in place for him also such as a child psychologist, so he has someone to sort through any emotions or questions with, to help him understand.
My cousin was 12 when she was told and she says she was better at processing then as she was older. Maybe talk to some case workers in the field for advice