I am struggling mentally and emotionally.
I have been separated from my ex husband for 5 years. It was a very toxic relationship. We have 2 children together.
Before we were married we found out my sister was an escort. I was absolutely fine with this, it’s her life, she’s an adult! My ex husband became obsessed with it! Called her all sorts of disgusting names, put her down, spoke awful things about her. I always supported her and never judged her.
Throughout our 10 years of marriage, he would be ok with her but then all of a sudden hated her and didn’t want her at functions we had or be near our kids.
At the start of this year it has come out that my ex husband and my sister had something going on between them throughout our marriage as well as after we separated. Explicit photos and messages were sent to each other and my ex husband was sending her money.
After we separated, my sister would give him information about my whereabouts, who I was seeing, when I was seeking legal advice etc.. in exchange for money.
We always struggled financially and I never knew where our money was going, until now.
I feel like an absolute fool, I’m hurt, I’m now insecure, paranoid, depressed and it is now affecting my current relationship with my current partner who I’ve been with for 2 1/2 years. He’s been nothing but patient and supportive and I’m just crumbling.
I am seeing a psychologist who is helping me through this. But I’m feeling like I’m not going to get any better.
I feel my family don’t understand what I’m going through. They play the whole, “but you know what she’s like”, “she’s mentally unstable”, “she suffers ADD”. I feel like what she has done has been pushed aside and I just need to deal with it.
She claims she was pressured and manipulated by him and that if she didn’t do what she was told, he would make her life hell.
I really doubt this is the case. She then went on to tell me that she has always been jealous of me, of my relationships and friendships and she felt I was always the prettier sister who got more attention.
She is now trying to play happy family with me.
I hate seeing her, talking to her and I just want my space. She’s in her mid thirties, still at home and will do anything for money to support her addictions, one being gambling.
I always understood her, I was there when she needed me, I’m just so hurt.
I feel like I’m having a breakdown. I hate feeling the way I’m feeling, I’m suffering anxiety and feel at times I just can’t go on. But need to be there for my beautiful kids and my partner.
I’ve constantly had so much bad luck in my life and can’t seem to catch a break.
How do I move forward?
Thank you all for listening ❤️
8 Replies
Your family sounds toxic and they are retraumatising you. I’d be doing a trial no-contact to see if some distance starts to help you.
You should not have to be in the same space as your sister and you shouldn’t have to hear your family make excuses for her. It’s not ok, and if they can’t or won’t protect you from her then they need to keep away from you.
I hope you find some peace in your life
It sounds like your sister and your family are trying to excuse her sickening behaviour. It is not at all okay and it really irks me when someone blames a diagnosis. You are feeling understandably hurt. It sounds like its time for you to focus on your own happiness with your partner and children. Happiness is the best revenge. I would distance myself from them and not let them guilt you into maintaining lots of contact. Put them in the background where they belong. As for your ex... he's an ahole.
They both betrayed you, and she hurt you, in many ways. I don't think you are at all out of line not wanting to be around her right now, or ever if thats your choice. A diagnosis of a neurological condition is not an excuse to get away with being sneaky, underhanded and vile. Her behaviour certainly isn't justified and her jealousy is her problem to handle, not yours. I'm so sorry your sister did this to you. Do what you need to do, for you.
Cut her out and make sure your new partner blocks her on everything. Even if there's no reason to you can't trust your sister to try and worm her way in no matter who you are with.
She was an escort she knew what the hell she was doing. They are professionals and married men is the norm to them.
Both scumbags and I hope you get the peace inside that you deserve. Try not to let their sick heads, take away your happiness. They are both filthy scum!
Focus on your partner and your beautiful babies and forgot the past. You didn’t deserve all that hurt and betrayal.
Time to focus on getting well mentally and enjoy your life with your babies and partner. Show the other scumbags that they did you a favour.
I can’t imagine the pain that it caused being yours sister but I know the pain of cheating. You are better off the way you are now and with the right person.
Look ahead and focus on creating new memories and happiness. Leave them scum in the past where they belong.
Block everything and anything to do with her. Don’t allow your kids to speak to her and no communication at all. You need to heal and move forward and be happy. Act like they don’t exist now. Cut them off for good.
I get the feeling you're stuck at this hurdle because you can't quite understand it in order to control it and move forward.
I was stuck at the same step for a long time, it's grief mate.
Relationships come and go for many but family is meant to protect, be a safe place, forever and yours was/is not. You can move past that (with or without them in your life) but you have to let yourself grieve the family you thought you had and the promise of what you hoped they could be. It's a real loss and like any loss, if you don't acknowledge it and let it run its course it'll eat you from the inside out.
It is understandable to be suspicious of people around you. What has happened is appalling. Your sister cannot hide behind a diagnosis regarding her choices. You have been let down and betrayed beyond comprehension. They don’t deserve another thought. The people who are in your life at the moment - as hard as it is try not to judge them on your ex and your sister. Doing so continues to allow your sister and ex to have power and influence in your life and some form of control. I acknowledge this is a difficult thing to do but please try. You deserve happiness and loyalty. You may well have it but can’t see it due to the nasty people who are continuing to consume your thoughts, time and energy. You will never be able to reason or rationalise with people without conscience. To heal you will need to write them off.