Hi. It is possible that I will have two teens coming into my care in the next few weeks. I have one 7 year old child of my own so I’m used to raising a young child and have not raised teenagers before. I would really like some helpful tips on anything that you can think of that might help, because I will literally be flying blind here. Anything from tips on managing social media and internet use to rules that I need to set. Do kids still get pocket money? What is an acceptable bed time? Are there apps that I can download to help me? Suggestions around managing electronic devices would be helpful. If this happens then I will basically have skipped around 7 years of the parenting stuff so I just want to equip myself with as much information as I can so that, if this does happen, I am not constantly playing catch up.
Thanks in advance for any and all suggestions.
Help! How do I raise teenagers?
Help! How do I raise teenagers?
Posted in:
Teenagers, Tips and Advice
4 Replies
First of all, I assume they're coming into your care because there's some reason they can't or don't live with their parents/primary caregiver.
That can come with some emotional trauma, so if you haven't already considered it, getting some professional supports in place for both yourself and the kids would be very beneficial I feel.
Rules, internet restrictions, social media access - that is all dependent on the age and the level of independence (or lack of supervision) they had before coming into your care.
For example, a 13 year old probably needs their tech moderated, socials/internet use should be monitored and they probably need to be in bed on school night by 9 - 9.30pm.
Where as a 16 year old probably doesn't need their socials/internet usage monitored unless there's some kind of extenuating circumstances, they should be starting to manage their own time etc. At that age they kind of need to make their own choices with our guidance rather than living by a set structure.
We have house values (I don't like to call them rules), they apply to everyone. Ours are respect and contribution, obviously those values branch out in a fairly self explanatory way.
I always speak to my teenagers and their friends like they are my equals (even in times where I've had to be firm or enforce some boundaries), I've found they're much more open and receptive if they feel like they're not being treated like children.
Pocket money is up to you, personally we don't do it but I know a lot of families who do. I'd speak to the kid's about it and see how they feel about doing some chores for money or some other arrangement you see fit.
Oh you made me laugh after yet another morning of my second youngest fighting to get ready for school with the flying blind part! Honey, I'm raising 4 solo and my Mum who was my shoulder to cry on has recently suddenly passed so believe me when I say we're all flying blind x My kids are 12, 11, 9 and 7 and I'm yet to find the mystical raising kids manual, I'm honestly just winging it most days 😊 I have parental lock on all phones so I can track them and lock phones at set times, I have their switches set up with parental lock and can lock those at certain times, but short of removing all tv cords I'm yet to find something that works for the social media/gaming. The fact that you care enough to ask speaks volumes and I have everything crossed for you that you'll be just fine x good luck Mumma x
I think before you worry too much about rules you need to understand the kids, what have they got now, why are they being placed in your care, etc. If you come in all hot and heavy this introduction could go to hell really quickly. i have 13/16 yr old teens and they don't have accounts in most socials but both love tick-tock, as private accounts . Age and maturity play a big part in thses decisions too.
If i was having teens in my care that i didn't know well, i would have basic rules for the home, expectations around contributing, and ask them how they would like to add value ( one might like to cook, let them!) I think if they have been removed from a family home let them talk and have a voice . I can't image this will be easy but I am sure long term they will be happy to life somewhere safe. Bed times 13 yo 8.30, 16yr 9.30
Maybe have a basket for each teen ready for them, fresh towels, soaps, body wash, shampoos, sanitary items, snacks, chocolates, pj’s, socks, toothbrushes/paste ect. Spend a couple of days getting to know them and if they need to have rules about phones and internet, bedtimes, then sit down and discuss what is expected in your home. Good luck and what an incredible family you are to help these kids/ teens