My 15 year old daughter went out on the weekend with a group of friends and were served alcohol at a licensed venue. She was honest with us after initially trying to hide it from us. My husband and I aren’t sure how to punish her for this as we understand teenagers push boundaries and we want her to continue to be honest with us but we also want her to know there are consequences to her actions. Edit: I have rung the Liquor and gaming commission who advised the venue is currently under surveillance.
9 Replies
If you're 100% sure your daughter is being honest and not covering for someoneelse, that venue needs to be reported!
As someone who's worked in that industry, venues just don't risk their licence and bartenders don't risk their jobs unless there's something super dodgy going on.
As for a consequence for your daughter, I'd say a nice big lecture about the risks of under-age drinking and earning back some trust before allowing her certain freedoms again.
I'm more shocked at the venue rather than the teenage drinking 😳 Unless they used fake/stolen IDs? In which case I would be coming down pretty hard on her and reporting it to police. Identity theft is a massive problem I've had it done to me and if I found out my kid was involved, even just be receiving it or buying it I would be pissed!
I don’t think I would punish this time. I’d definitely use it for a conversation about alcohol and the affect it has on us and others.
Might be inclined to contact the venue though and say FYI my daughter was able to enter and order alcohol on said date.
I probably wouldn’t punish her. I’d be having a conversation and being more observant to make sure there are no more incidences.
Id probably be more vigilant about sleep overs (easier to hide a hangover at a friends house) etc.
The fact she was honest makes me think this isn’t a pattern of behaviour and something she realises wasn’t a good idea.
You need to speak with her and explain to her that you are disappointed by what she did but proud of her for being open and honest with you. You need to ask her not to do it again and explain the dangers of drinks spiked etc. use this as to keep communication open with her. Tell her that is she was 18 you’d have no problem because she would tell you where she was. If something was to happend you would know. The danger is not telling you prior is not knowing that should could have wound up in big trouble, drink spiked and carried away to a place. She needs to know the dangers are real but she also needs to know you aren’t angry and praise her for telling you. Keep this open for her incase there is a next time and she doesn’t tell you and you don’t want that. Glad you reported the venue.
Personally, I wouldn’t punish her. She will do it behind your back still with or without punishment honestly. Instead, create safe environments for her to drink in.. maybe she could try a glass on the weekend with dinner whilst under your watch. If she is wanting to go out with friends and drink, provide her with the alcohol so you know how much and what she’s consuming. Equip her with hydralyte and explain the importance of water.
When I was younger at parties the most responsible ones were the people whose parents supplied the alcohol and let them drink. The ones who had to hide it were always getting wild drunk because they were mixing drinks and desperate to get their hands on anything. They were also the ones ending up in not so nice places to sleep to hide from their parents so they didn’t know they’d been drinking.
It’s a tricky one, because I was regularly drunk as a teenager, so I really cannot judge your daughter. The venue should have checked her ID, if she was using fake ID (as most kids do) then they can’t be too blamed I guess.
Just make sure she knows there are huge health consequences to drinking alcohol - perhaps a chat with the GP about it, or a call to Headspace or similar would help. Maybe ground her for a while, or track her phone etc so she understands what a huge deal it is. Or let her have her friends over & party at your place - at least you know she’s safe and sound. Discuss it with the other parents too of course. Better than them sneaking around, lying, possibly getting into dangerous situations without you even knowing…?
Honestly I’d love to give better advice but I still managed to go out & get drunk as a teen, and my parents were strict & I definitely knew it was “bad” but I did it anyway.
Hopefully she will listen to you, and rethink. Perhaps a counsellor would help, if she’s using it to deal with things - otherwise she’s possibly just lashing out as a teenager.
Also: I think it’s a great testament to your parenting that she was open & honest with you about it. That’s actually HUGE.
Sorry I wasn’t actually very helpful at all!
Publish her for this????... look she could have kept this from you, abut she didn't!! personally if she was over 16-17 I wouldn't "punish" at all only advise on the effects of alcohol, just keep on top of her about it and report the venue. Kids are kids, this is going to happen!! We have all done it!!
Why would you punish her for being honest?
Thank her for being honest. Explain your concerns, and ask her what support she thinks she needs to stay within the limits of the law.
Yeah she shouldn't be drinking but if you punish her, you'll just teach her to be better at hiding things and that you're not actually a safe place to go to when she mucks up.
Are you punished when you muck up? Does your mum come and dish out a punishment? Or your manager? No, you may loose responsibilities at work, maybe miss out on a promotion but you're not shamed (or at least you shouldn't be), and that's all that punishment is about, shaming.
Maybe the consequences are that she doesn't go out with that group do friends until she thinks she's able to make good decisions?