*Trigger warning*
Wondering about other people’s experiences with getting back into the dating world after being in a domestic violence relationship?
My last two long-term relationships have had DV involved. I’m not going to go into details but fair to say I don’t have much confidence in myself, my judgement of people, or what another person says is indeed the truth.
I’ve tried a couple of dating sites but deleted my accounts within hours of signing up because I found myself questioning every guy on there: “you sound nice on paper but who are you really?” I’ve been through 2 bad relationships and definitely don’t want a third.
Please don’t take this as me thinking or saying every guy out there is like the last two I’ve experienced. I definitely don’t think that. I know plenty of really genuine, down to earth guys but they are either already hitched or we are not interested in each other in a romantic way. I just want to be with someone who actually loves me instead of being used and abused.
How have other people handled this? How did you break through that thought process and allow yourself to have some faith in people again? I am aware it could take some time for enough healing to occur but it would be nice to be with someone who adds to the joy into my life.
2 Replies
I find dating sites super triggering, especially the unpaid ones, there are some super creepy guys on those sites that drown out the good ones.
Take your time, work on rebuilding yourself, if you do meet someone, take it slow.
If that's how you're thinking about every profile of every guy you look at, you're not ready for dating - and especially not for dating sites, they can be brutal.
Go and get some counselling and ongoing therapy, and just live to make yourself happy for awhile.
The plain fact is, you may well be attracted to a certain "type" of man - absolute shitheads, probably. I've seen this pattern over and over again (DV worker) - but it's a pattern that can be broken. And you sound like you want to break it, which is fantastic. But it takes time and hard work on yourself to do that.
You mention that you know some great men, but you're "just not attracted to each other" - that's a fair comment, but also, maybe YOU aren't attracted to them because subconciously you don't feel like you deserve to be treated right.
And that's the kind of hard work on yourself that I'm talking about.
One day, a red flag may pop up with a guy you've been seeing and you'll go "nah mate, fk that, I'm out".
And that's when you know you've won at life.
You haven't mentioned how long you've been single or if you have kids; give yourself (and potential kids) time to recover and reclaim your own lives.