Hi Ladies, I recently found out through DNA testing that my “Dad” isn’t my biological father. My Mother has lied to me my entire life and is in denial claiming the DNA results aren’t correct. My brother and son have also been DNA tested. My brothers DNA matched with my “Dad’s” side of the family. My son and I didn’t. I have made contact with my Aunt who states my Mum was involved with my “Dad” and another guy at the time of my conception. My sister and I also have recollection of my Grandmother telling me my Dad wasn’t my Dad. I have discovered my biological father passed away when he was 19 (from an accidental shooting a couple of months prior to me being born). The parents of this person have also passed. My question is…. I have cousins, aunts and uncle’s on my biological fathers side of the family, if you were them would you want to know I exist?
5 Replies
Sorry you're going through this, how confusing! I think you should give yourself time to get over the initial shock of it all first, get some counselling as well. Your Mum has done the wrong thing by not being honest and denying your bio Dads parents a chance at a relationship with their dead sons child, you, which would have been really special if they had known about you. If I was one of his siblings I would want to meet you and your family. I think you should contact them when you're ready but be ready for any response, it will be quite a shock.
Thank you for your kind words, it’s all very new and a lot to get my head around. Overall it’s a very sad situation for most involved.
Yes I think you should find them and learn about your real dad if you are capable of dealing with the trauma it may bring. I think your mum should have been honest and given you the chance to meet him or find out at least if he was your dad. There is so much for you to uncover and learn. Weather you are able to get through that then go for it. Every child had a right to know their father or family. Unless of course it’s absolutely for the best interest of the child and that child is at risk but sounds like your mum knew exactly what she was doing. I know a few women who have told their kids lies about their dad being there dad. It’s disgusting and I do not agree with it. Every child deserves to know the truth.
If you want to reach out then do it, just try not to have high expectations and be prepared that the family may not have the reaction you are hoping or expecting.
I think everyone has a right to know where they came from and if it feels right to you then absolutely give it a try.
Just be aware they might not care or have an interest is knowing you. My husband refused to communicate with his as he just had no interest in it. He was YOU and the family he didn't know about wanted to connect. Just be prepared for that. They were really upset.