Please help as my husband and I disagree. He has a high expectation when it comes to sex, being multiple times in the week, spontaneous and variety. Where for me, once a week is plenty and not too drawn out.
Now ours involves planning as I work shiftwork and we have 3 young boys to look after too. I am tired and fatigued. We constantly argue about how often it should be.
Personally I could just go without it, but go through it with him. I do feel like sometimes it would be easier on my own.
Last night he walked out due to our disagreement, after I instigated it, but then nothing happened. Yet its my fault nothing happened.
How often is sex expected
How often is sex expected
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
16 Replies
Not too drawn out, imagine how he feels when you act like it's a chore to negotiate? Ive been there, I couldn't live in a sexless relationship, it ruins your self-esteem, you feel unwanted and I know what he means about spontaneous, who wants to sit around debating the number of times and when. Is there anything he can do to help out so you have more energy and feel in the mood? It's really important, despite having kids, to nurture your relationship or the wheels will fall off. Maybe be more mindful about the way you approach and talk about the subject, because the rejection and lack of enthusiasm can really hurt your spouse.
Why should anyone "negotiate" sex? Is she a sex worker? Is there a contract involved? If you were less pushy and more understanding of the things that lead to a low libido you might have ended up with more sex. Same goes for OP's husband. Obviously a difference in lifestyles if he has a heap of energy and she is exhausted, he needs to get his act together and take on more than what he's doing now.
I never pushed, actually never said a world, it just slowly killed me inside...and if you read my post, I’m against negotiating too?!?
It can never hurt to consider from the other persons perspective....
Ignore that idiot
Coz let’s face is most dads don’t have the same daily routines that mum has with their kids. Day in day out it’s exhausting and being pressured into it, its the last thing you feel like.
When he acts like that it is a friggen chore
Wow, I took the time to comment on a public forum from my own perspective/experience and get called an idiot.
Why don’t you make your own comment and allow me to have my own?
Your job is to give your opinion, not critique others and name call.
Your comment imagine how he feels. Imagine how she feels.
He needs to grow up and if he doesn't, yes I would leave. My ex used to carry on because I didn't want sex as much as he did and even when I did want it I felt really used, like there you go you got what you wanted. My partner now is awesome, my sex drive is now a lot higher than it ever was with my ex because the stress surrounding it has gone.
God my husband never wants it. I have been on both ends. My ex wanted it everyday and used to crack it which was a total put off. I ended up hating him & felt creeped out by the constant pressure. I would also never give in.
When's it expected?. How about when when you're both horny? Seriously, what a question.
Exactly! Sex is not a need, it’s a want. This is about coercion and that is not consenting to participate.
I'd like it a lot more than I get it but there's no "expectation". I'm perfectly capable of driving a vibrator when required.
This is something i always explain to the males in my life. Everything has a cost. I dont mean just money.
Look at it like a tipping scale, sex on one side emotional wellbeing on the other.
When a partner expects their spouse to carry the house work load that tips the balance. When a partner expects a spouse to carry the child load thats another thing that tips the scale. When a partner doesn't show love (however that might be for you, gifts, words of animation ect) thats another thing that tips the scale.
I obviously have no idea what your relationship is like, but can I presume that the balance is off?
Like others have said sex is not something that should be expected. But your sex drive is not there and thats worthy of an honest discussion, but that needs to also involve your partner reflecting on what he can do to make sure he's meeting your needs aswell.
This sounds like my husband an I.
Might just be me but if he wants it and I’m too tired I make it clear and state don’t get cranky if I’m not assisting or bothered / into it but go ahead. Basically a one way about him moment but make clear to not whinge if I’m just taking it. Best way to demotivate his intentions too lol but sometimes he does. I can’t say I don’t get into it once he starts it’s just the ohh really I’m tired initially . We have 4 kids. Run a business and yep I’m tired alot but I would rather let him them have him stray I learnt that the hard way with my ex husband. As long as you consent then their is nothing wrong with just letting him go lol but don’t take his shit sooking if you legitimately say no and don’t make him make you feel uncomfortable saying no