Sorry for long post
I have been on and off with my partner for 4 years, mainly due to alcohol & arguing, I have my life together , and work hard, he does not. He’s been married twice , cheated on both wife’s , not divorced, settlement is not done after 5 years, drinks too much , is in debt, child support debt and hasn’t done a tax return in 4 years, DV with second wife. He , not a worker , so it’ll never be sorted, and blows off work regularly. Portrays himself to the outside world as a successful business man and drives a BMW.
He never goes home and feels his home is too crowded with his daughter, boyfriend and baby.
I’ve asked him to get his own place that he can go back two, and not force me into a live in relationship that I’ve never signed up for. . This is a massive deal breaker for him. And he’s now asking to stay until August because he’s committed to rent at the house he has that he can’t go back too, and he’s planned a trip overseas to see family. This was all arranged after I asked him to get his own place, and now he’s saying he can’t afford too.
I’ve tried to be reasonable but I’m not ready for live in while his life is so messy, we also argue and I don’t want that around my son who is 13, my son comes first in this. He is wanting us to get a house together which means my son has to change schools and it would make it hard for him to easily see his dad so I’m not on board with that which I’ve communicated.
Then new issue arises
He has a work trip booked interstate , he knows people there, he’s numerous times reiterated this trip is for work only, and no fun at all , yet a good friend has sent me a screen shot of a get together planned for his weekend away, it’s planned by a woman he’s met once and I met her as well. She is extremely attractive, and he’s has mentioned her beauty. he added her to FB before he’d met her as they have mutual friends. He has not mentioned this to me at all, in fact is flying a day earlier than planned and says it’s all about work . When I said I’m sure it’s not all work, he reiterated it absolutely was. I then said I could take a day off work and fly down , he was horrified and said he’d be busy working so what would I do with myself? . I’ve given him every opportunity to tell me about it and there’s no reason for him not to tell me , I’ve met the woman. What I don’t understand is why she’s organising a party for him when they apparently barely know each other, and why he’s not telling me about it, and also doesn’t want me anywhere near it. He also would not be ok if the shoe was on the other foot , if there’s nothing to hide why not tell me about it.
Do I just pack his things and get rid of him, the lying by omission has me mental , but I’m waiting to see if he will tell me about it and just hasn’t yet. The work thing could also be completely made up, do sales companies even have sales conferences on weekends? He doesn’t know the name of the hotel , hes got no agenda for the conference either and it’s all very vague.
23 Replies
Yes, you end this relationship!
But your best bet is wait for him to leave for his ‘holiday’ pack his shit up, drop it somewhere safe and change the locks. Send him a text telling him the relationship is done over text while he is away.
Don’t waist your time trying to reason with this guy. You are in an Abusive Relationship yourself and you are only just starting to grasp that I think. He has a history of DV so do it in away that is safest for you, and in my opinion that’s pretending everything is ok until he leaves on that holiday.
He won’t leave on his own free will. He knows he can bully you into staying.
The fact you’re even asking means you know the answer.
If you have your life together, why are you wasting time on an abusive, manipulative, cheating scumbag?
I don't really get it. Why are you with him at all, look how much of a loser he is?
Why do you care what he does?! He’s a complete loser - I can’t believe you’re worried about some other girl with him. Obviously- kick him to the curb. As women we really need to raise the bar a bit higher.
Stop second guessing yourself, kick this leech to the kerb, think of your son.
Pack his things and tell him he isn’t coming back. You are too good for this man and he is using you. End it now! What a mess it’s time he grew up or go and lived on his own 2 feet and stop using you! End it now. Not tomorrow or the next day. Get him out asap.
Get him out now! What a grub
He is a cheating dog and his past tells you alot about him and how he is now treating you.
Thank you for coming here and asking this question so that you can get an outsider perspective.
The answers yes. Yes you leave this relationship.
His weekend away sounds awfully suspicious (doesn't know the name of hotel, can't provide any evidence), and even if by some chance it is legitimate, you are questioning it which means there's no trust in this relationship (I wouldn't trust him either)
He is using you. Please don't get a house with this man, he will rack up debt, you will find yourself in a tough financial situation and that's when the abuse will most likely start.
Cut your losses with him, it doesn't seem like he's bringing much to the relationship anyway.
Do what another person said, wait until he's on his 'work' trip, change the locks, drop his stuff at his house and text him that you are ending the relationship. If he comes around call the police.
He has a house to go to so don't feel bad like you are kicking him out.
But please for the love of God get rid of this man
I agree 100%. Even his mate put it forward to her so obviously it’s something going on he doesn’t want her to find out about.
Poster: leave this person. When he leaves for his “work trip” that is your opportunity to pack up his belongings. Change the locks. Inform your child. Take his stuff elsewhere. Message him to inform it’s over and if he contacts your or approaches your home you will call the police. If he messages you. 100000x ignore. Inform your family and those that are close to so they are aware of the situation and can support you emotionally if need be. And he cannot try and manipulate the situation to them.
You have a army of women and men behind you 💪🏼 you can do this.
Turn up there 😂 I wanted to surprise you honey! Just kidding kick is ass out!
Well you've stayed with him knowing all of what's in your first paragraph so why not still be there for him when he gets back from his "work trip".
Yuk don’t waste another day on this scumbag he is using you. You are his base and his security. As blunt as this sounds that’s what is he using you for. A place to come back to in between his flings. Do yourself a massive favour and kick him out before he brings you a shitload of heartache and debt. He is defiantly making it up to hook up with this woman. Look at the effort he is going to. His lies are so obvious but it’s also obvious what sort of scumbag this man is.
Let him go on his “work trip” get your locks changed, gather all his belongings and dump them at his own house and then tell him not to bother coming back to your house.
What are you waiting for? Proof?
FFS, tell yourself one benefit from having him in your life. Bet you can't think of anything beyond dick.
Is any dick, any dick in the whole world, worth the rest of the utter bullshit you've described?
You're obviously intelligent. Don't give this shit stain on the jocks of humanity one second more of your precious time.
Google gaslighting, pack his shit, take it to the house that is rented in his name, change your locks, send him a message saying it's over and block his number. Do it tomorrow, if you wish. You don't have to wait until he goes away.
By taking his stuff to "his" house you are legally in the clear.
What exactly is so good about this guy that makes you even consider believing him???? Everything you've written sounds like he's complete scum.
Given his past history, and current lack of adding anything of value to your life, I feel you know the answer. The man is a user and a liar. I hope you learn to value yourself more from this.
This is your time! Be strong, read again what you wrote and think of what you have said. This man is not adding to your life or taking control of his own.
Be strong, and tell him directly, I have asked you to leave, I am not happy and would you to pack your things and go, tell him directly and reclaim your power. You are an adult, a parent of a child, you are entitled to live your life happily.
Or say nothing wait till he is away, pack his shit and leave it at his house and text him don’t ever come back 🤷♀️ block delete and move on.
I would show up to the party and his weekend away 😅🤷♀️
Wtf! The first bit was too much!!! How can you stay with someone for 4 years after knowing he is still married, doesn't pay child support, cheated on both wives, hasn't done taxes, is forcing himself in to your home and living together?
What?! Do you really you want this person as a role model for your son?!
Now for the second part - he is lying to you, he is planning on meeting this women and what? You just think they are going to have dinner or a few drinks. Yeah, na they are going to be in bed the minute he gets off the plane.
Pack his shit up, bring it all back to his house, get your locks changed, install security camera ASAP. Call the police when he rocks back up to your door after his trip.
Are you on good terms with your son dad? Could he come and stay a few days or maybe a girl friend could say for a while
When you call him out he will try to lie his way out of it. Get screenshots and evidence so he doesn't try to gaslight you.
Let him go and take his belongings to his house and drop it all off. Have a talk to the ex while you are there.
Maybe even contact the woman, or see if you can look at his phone to see what he has been messaging her.
Too many red flags. Your instinct is telling you everything you need to know.
Be smart and use this weekend as an opportunity to move all of his shit out back to his house and get your locks changed. You don't need proof of the party you already have it and besides, the guy is a loser in so many ways. He's never planning to move out I bet it's all bull and this could be the opportunity you need to take this weekend to get him out quickly and quietly. I'd see if your son can stay with his dad for the start of the week just in case the loser wants to come over and carry on - don't let him in just call the cops but your son doesn't need to see that.