I'll make this as short as possible-
My energy is so drained.
My partner- well now ex partner was/is chronically addicted to weed and valium, up to 250 a week on just weed. It caused many issues. He hid it from me but after I had my daughter he got worse worse.
I hung onto my family though as I thought he was a good person. coming from an Italian background my father and grandmother really encouraged me to not walk away because we had a daughter together. I really had hope.
Turns out he has been on tinder, meeting up with other women on top of all the other bs. The most recent encounter he had with another woman is when i stayed at my dads and grandmothers house to take care of them as my dads his mums full time carer but he hurt his knee and needed bed rest. Everything was peaceful when I left.. but I found out he hooked up with her, apparently they didn't have sex, it was just a kiss. This was all by fluke that i found out so if I had not have found out he would have continued as normal
The drug abuse, gaslighting, now cheating ( God knows how long the cheating been going on)
I've had major anxiety and stayed in a hotel with daughter.. he promised me he would move out so My daughter and i could have a stable place to stay.
He then tells me last night that he will not be moving, he is staying and can see my daughter whenever he wants. He basically expects me to just live with this abuse and cheating be all nornal.
I really can't get rental at the moment as im not working and right out the end of my studies with work placement coming up. He however works full time and still refuses to leave.. he has plenty of options, his brother has a spare room but he claims 40 mins it too far for Him to travel to work
How I get this nightmare of a person out of my home?
19 Replies
Can you stay at your Dads? Unfortunately it's not going to be easy to get him to leave. Start Centrelink and mediation. Tell him you want orders in place before he has care of your daughter, that's a lot of drug use and he can't possibly safely look after his daughter like that. If you can't go to your Dads go to a refuge. Once you have Centrelink and child support sorted it should be enough to get a rental.
Ring the police and have an avo put on him and have him removed.
AVO for what? She hasn't mentioned physical abuse or threatened it and that's all you can get it for. He is also living in the house while she isn't, an AVO would only stop him coming near her and where she's staying.
She said he expects her to live with his abuse. She doesn’t have to live with any abuse. I would be taking out an avo and having police remove him and his belongings.you can get an avo for abuse. She needs to be in her home with her child.
AVO's are for immediate safety reasons, gaslighting is abuse but its not exactly putting someone's safety/life at risk. Police can't just remove him from the home so she can live there. If the house is theirs she needs to now go through a lawyer to see who gets the house.
She can’t get an avo, based on what she wrote.
Also, the police don’t take sides, so why should she get the house over him?
Unless he becomes violent, then everything changes.
Unfortunately, cheating on your spouse and being a horrible person isn’t a crime.
Well it sounded to me like this is her home & he is abusive. That’s how I have read it. Yer right as for the avo I have had one put on me from the girl who slept with my ex. I also hadn’t seen her or contacted her since I found out yet I still got an avo slapped on me. I also had letters from my bosses to prove I was at work on all these times she claimed I was at her house threading her. Seriously couldn’t be bothered with any of that he did me a favour but Avos are easy to get. If this isn’t her house as I thought then she should go stay with family elsewhere and be free of him.
This person means an IVO. Most people don’t realise there are different types of restraining orders and just call them all AVO’s
How well do you get along with his brother? If he's a decent guy and knows his brother is a shit stain, could you both stay there in the spare room?
How will you afford the rent when he leaves?
Can’t you stay with family, get through your placement, then get full time work and get your own rental?
You don’t want to be stuck in a house you can’t afford.
It’s never just a kiss remember that. It’s the excuse everytime. My ex said the same 🙄 Change the locks and if he breaks in call police. If he threatens you call police they will make him leave.
And if he’s on the lease or an owner?
You can’t just do that.
If this is the case then leave
Maybe contact a dv organisation, they can tell you your options/rights.
I think a lot of info on here isn’t correct.
Good luck, you,LL get through this and it’ll be so much better on the other side, without him xxx
If he's not on the lease, call the police to have him removed. Change locks while he's not home, and get parental orders started asap
You have an obligation to your daughter to protect her. It might just be weed, but it’s drug abuse! You could lose your daughter if FaCS get involved and you have not left the situation, and they will be notified if there’s any sort of police involvement regarding drugs or violence. I would make sure you have somewhere safe to go before involving police etc, unless of course it’s an emergency. Can you stay at your dads for a while?
Wow!! Most of the information here is 100% wrong. You need to consult a lawyer. You cannot change the locks on a joint home it's illegal. If he isn't on the lease if it's a rental then you have broken your lease terms which could cause you an issue by admitting that to the real estate and you could face eviction. If the house is owned then it becomes part is joint assets in a separation and a court will need to sort it out.
Do not abuse the system and get an AVO unless you feel you are in danger. Not that it matters re the house because if you take out an avo now while not at the house he will be allowed to stay there.
You need a lawyer. And based on what you have said this is going to be a long, nasty fight so prepare yourself.
You are 100% wrong
It’s not illegal at all
And an IVO is not the same as an AVO and she most certainly does need an IVO.
Hi hun
I would organise a locksmith when your ex is at work and change all the locks. Leave his stuff in boxes at front with his brothers address. He will get the hint.
Make sure u have someone with you for the first few days after x