I have struggled with my weight since having my last child in 2011. I have tried all the fad diets, pills, creams you name it I’ve prob tried it. It’s got to the point where I don’t want to go to the beach or pool and am only intimate with hubby if the lights are off. My bmi says I am on the lower side of obese. I asked hubby if he would support me in having weight loss surgery in which he replied no. He hasn’t given me a clear answer as to why. I work full time (I’m up at 6an and don’t get home till after 5:30pm) so on weekends I just want to relax. My mental health is starting to become affected as my clothes no longer fit and I just feel gross. Has anyone else’s partner felt the same as mine?
15 Replies
Hmm maybe he thinks you don't need it? I'm on the lower end of obese too and I'm a size 14, no way would I consider surgery. I just need to get my act together and really try but to be honest I'm just not that bothered by it at the moment, I just don't want to get bigger. My husbands cardiologist suggested he have it done and he looked into it, saw what is involved and thought well it would be easier to just go on a diet, so he did and he lost 30kg. It is not an easy fix at all and 2 cousins that had it done over 10 years ago are both at the same size they used to be because they didn't change their bad habits. You have to change what you eat and drink for it to work long term so I don't know why you wouldn't put every effort into doing that first anyway. There's also the costs involved!
I can understand why your husband may not be on board. I saw someone close to me go down this path and by no means is it an easy one!
It's expensive, the recovery process is rough and there are risks associated with the surgery. It's not a miracle fix if you're not willing to make lifestyle changes in addition to the surgery. It is also a life long commitment and it doesn't fix the psychological aspects that usually accompanies obesity, so addressing that as well is a must.
At the end of the day it's your decision of course but I would hazard a guess that your husband may have some genuine concerns. I would really encourage him to open up to you about it.
I can see why. Surgery is risky & a last resort. Recently by a friend had a complication from a similar surgery that has affected her health long term. Another (who went to Thailand for the full enchilada) has put it all back on because she didn't learn about nutrition.
I'd scrap the fads - they don't work long term. Go for learning about nutrition. My fitness pal app (I only use the free version) is great at helping make you aware of what & how much you eat. Sometimes you realise that 'healthy' food is more than half your recommended daily calorie intake & that dressing makes a take away burger healthier than your salad.
Wanting to relax on time off is understandable, but try to do short workouts, like a HIIT or pilates. I've just bought a rebound trampoline to do 15 min workouts. Or go for a walk early morning or kids to the park & don't sit on the bench with your phone but move instead.
There is no quick fix. I wish there was. But with motivation & determination you can lose weight in the time it takes to have surgery & recover. And keep it off.
The issue i see here is “i’ve tried all the fad diets, pills, creams” have you tried going to a nutritionist? Getting some blood work done? You also should see a psychologist for your waning mental health, even if it’s related to your weight, you need to talk to someone.
I understand working full time and just wanting to rest. A proper diet is more beneficial than hitting the gym.
As someone who struggles with my weight, i have spoken to many friends who have had surgery and every single one is happy with the results, but they hate all the issues they now have. Most wish they had just tried harder with their diets so they could still enjoy everything normally.
Don’t take the easy way out, stop with fads, pills and creams, none of that crap works and actually get some proper medical science backed help.
Everyone I know that’s had one says how great it was and how much weight they lost, and they’re all overweight. I think it’s a temporary issue and you find ways to keep eating badly/overeating around it, and it hurts more.
Go to the gp and speak to them about your weight and difficulty with weight loss. There’s so many professionals they can refer you to, get a team and start and you know if it doesn’t work out, you’ll be on the journey to getting the surgery referral anyway.
They won't do bariatrics unless you're significantly over weight. You'll need to do some research so you'll know what other options you have such as diet, health checks and exercise
There's a reason why there are so many fad diets, pills and creams etc. There's big money in it, everyone wants to lose weight easily and it just doesn't exist.
You could speak to your doctor and see if the Oztempic injection might be suitable? Not a fix on its own but as an aide.
Oh FFS don’t give a rats what your hubby thinks. If it’s what you want then just do it. You don’t need his permission or approval and if he won’t support you that’s his prob. You can do and you will feel and look amazing afterwards. Prob his fear
OP hasn't said they asked for permission or approval. You can love and respect someone without supporting all of their decisions.
Try ozampic injections and who cares what he thinks. Do it
You need to sit down and talk about it. My GP wants me to have a band, as I cant lose weight due to illness. Issue is, your looking at 20+K. Perhaps the cost is a turn off
Being on the lower end of obese, you wouldn't even be a candidate for weight loss surgery. Its also a major operation. The preparation before surgery and after care is a lot. Its not a quick fix.
So its quite understandable your husband doesn't support the decision. Perhaps see a nutritionist/weight loss doctor.
Honestly, exercise is an important factor for losing weight. But it doesmt jave to be intense. A 30 minute power walk daily will do wonders!
Yes, my husband did not want me to. I did it anyway, with my parents taking & me looking after our child. I lost 40kg & best thing ever. He was scared it was too drastic surgery. We are still together, however there is a high % of couples who seperate in the 2 years after wls. If he wanted to leave me because of it I was fine with that, I couldn't bear being so miserable over something that I had the ability to change. Don't get lap band tho, look into sleeve or RNY. All the best.
Maybe your husband doesn't have the balls to say, you eat tom much, or thr wrong food, or perhaps you should go for a walk to relax not sit in thr couch. cause you know if anyone male or female mentions this stuff the other person is all offended. Maybe be has seen people do it and leave partners so he is worried, can you afford to do it? maybe he is scare you will die ? not a common side effect but like any operation should be considered. What made you over weight? have you sorted through that the best you can first? I have seen this op work on a number of people, and all have gained wait at some point after. Why? cause they didn't sort out the mind before they cut the body. It's also super anti social, going out for dinner and drinks is all but gone, some
major food groups are out. No other is easy, so be prepared to work
If your lower end obese I don't think weight loss surgery is going to help you and I think you would have trouble finding a dr that would even consider it, just doing the several weeks prep before hand would probably get you to your size you want to be (my mums was optifast diet for 8weeks only meal replacements for breakfast,morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea and only have one cup of veggies for dinner no meat in doing so she lost 12kgs) look at your exercise and what you actually eat and how often your eating I know 4 people who go it done all around the same time and only 1 person it was worked for but that is because she had to retrain her whole thoughts of food, she isn't allowed alcohol she can't stomach any sort of oily processed foods she can hardly stomach and bread or pasta because it's all to heavy for her tummy, there is alot of not so nice side affects aswell like hair loss is a big one. After seeing what she went through I would never consider it. The other people I seen do it didn't lose that much ate as they please didn't keep up the never ending mess after having it done and in return have pretty much wasted 20+ thousand dollars.