I need your help!! In a blended family situation. Myself and my partner have our own home after two years together. My partner is an executive business man who works long hours, I have my own business that’s very successful. Both of us are extremely busy ppl. I do however work from home a fair bit. My concern. I gave three children he has two. Two of my children are in their words ‘ gamers’, as is one of his.
His children are 12 & 16, mine are 17, 14 & qw My children spend a big of time in their rooms playing games but certainly come out and interact with us and we do stuff together. His children no jokes are lucky to spend an hour out of their rooms a day ( other than when at school). In that hour they’ve eaten, showered etc.
they don’t interact hardly with anyone let alone their dad.
I’ve spoken with him about it, his reply was that’s just what teenagers do and they do that at their bio mums as well. I don’t agree,my take on it is they’re part of the family. Let’s do stuff together, come and be social within the household. I once organised kayaking and the son openly said well who’s was that stupid idea, how boring and got in a poopy mood because he wanted to stay home in his bedroom.
It drives me nuts it seriously does. It’s more often than not like they’re not even there and I don’t feel it’s healthy at all.
Love to hear your thoughts. X
Children spending too much time in their rooms gaming.
Children spending too much time in their rooms gaming.
Posted in:
Teenagers, Tips and Advice
11 Replies
If he’s barely there he probably doesn’t actually see the full impact, it’s just easy, and when you’re busy, easy is good. But becoming screen addicts is not good for them. I would take that approach with him, open the app usage and show him how many hours per day or week they’re on it, maybe open his eyes maybe it won’t.
I have teenagers and so does my partner. They spend most of the time in their rooms and I don't do anything about it. I just think that's their space. You have new living arrangements as well so they probably don't all feel comfortable playing happy families, blending families when both have teenagers is hard. We just let them do their own thing if they aren't hurting anyone or being disrespectful then it's not a fight worth having.
My son spends most of his time in his room, I go in and have chats but don’t make him come out.
They are at school all day and I give him the space he needs when he comes home.
Introverts need to decompress, I did the same as a child.
Also, if dad isn’t home much, their parent isn’t there, unlike your kids, maybe they don’t want to hang with you,
Yep I only see my step son when his Dad is home otherwise he's in his room
This step mum needs to remember her partner picked her, but the kids didn't. Leave them be, don't make them behave how you feel they should.
To be fair, if someone tried to get me to go kayaking I'd crack the shits too. I couldn't think of an activity I'd hate doing more 😂
I spent all my free time in my room as a teen 20 odd years ago, I grew up to be a fairly normal, well rounded adult (albeit, I am still very much an indoorsy homebody).
Jokes aside, if they're otherwise good kids, doing well at school, they're physically healthy and their gaming isn't having an obvious impact on their mental health - you might just need to let this one go.
So you decided kayaking is good, so everyone else has to do it? I would rather watch paint dry. You know, if you want to connect with your step sons, do it on their terms. Ask them what they're playing, watch, even join in. I can't image being a male teen, some strange woman, dad's gf moving in, plus dad is hardly home. Awkward, yuk.
I'd honestly say the same thing about kayaking too! Sounds like a nightmare. Maybe instead of just deciding what you feel would be good how about asking the kids what they would enjoy? I don't know where you live but in Brisbane they often have different exhibitions and they had one for Lego last year which was a HUGE hit with my teen.
It sounds like you and your partner didn’t make sure you were on the same page re expectations and the kids before moving in and that’s a mistake. His kids are used to one parenting style and you moving in isn’t going to change that, because the kids are too old to care that much about what you want.
Even before tech was available, I spent most of time (when not playing sport or at school or with my friends) in my room. It’s the nature of teens to want to spend less time with there parents, it’s typical developing behaviour, and they aren’t going to be super keen to get to know dads partner and try activities that she suggests.
We have 2 hrs gaming on s hool days between 4 and 6. Them home work.
On weekends, they get from 9-11, then again from 4 to 6.
Gaming is toxic, and can become an addiction like drugs and drinking if limits are not put in place.
They are young adults and some make it big gaming so who are we to tel them they can’t?
You said your kids spend a lot of time on games and you’re ok with that but his spends a little more and it’s not healthy? They are also dealing with split families as well, if gaming helps them I’d let them go. Have dinner together but don’t force them to do family stuff if they don’t want to, just because we are the adults doesnt mean we get to pick their down time as well. And dad doesn’t seem to mind, so I wouldn’t beat yourself up about it