My ex partner had an emotional affair (so he says) while I was pregnant. I found the messages and begged for him not to humiliate me by bringing this “woman” into our lives again (she had been chasing him about 10 or so years ago, I found messages then too) but we moved 5 hours away and I thought nothing of her ever again until 2020. I then found more messages from her dated back to when I was in labour. He went down to the hospital cafe to buy himself and my mum some sandwiches while I was getting sterile water injections in my back because he couldn’t “bare to see and hear me in this much pain” turns out it was the perfect opportunity to send his side piece some messages.
Fast forward to now, we’ve been separated a year and she’s been in the picture the whole time. We coparent well with a few bumps in the road but for the most part we’re friends. He’s just informed me that he will be moving in with her and her 5 children and grandchild. I’m trying navigate my feelings and some days I just see red at the thought of this “woman” and her utter disrespect for me. I was pregnant at the same time as her best friend. (We lived in the same time and actually had our glucose test together, had a nice chat all the while she knew what was going on behind my back) I was also pregnant at the same time as her daughter and at no point did she step back and think “am I disgusting?” I am just so utterly disappointed in her as a mother and a woman. I’m equally as disgusted in my ex as well don’t get me wrong. But now I have to drop my baby girl off to be around such foul people. Is this normal?? Does it ever go away? I know it’ll eventually get easier and I’m not a bad person. I’ve been a stepmum since I was 20 and I don’t want to be the bitter baby mumma “psycho” that’s not the life I want for my daughter, hence the friendship with her father. But holy crap seeing that woman’s face is not something I ever want to do.
11 Replies
So.. I had this happen to me and honestly, I thought I was the only one. I felt stupid, humiliated and to an extent, violated. I was friends with this woman. I shared everything with her and in the end, it was all a lie. 6 years on and part of me is still angry but I now have a great life. I had counselling and great friends. It hurts so fucking much because you are also losing a friendship and feel like an utter idiot for believing the lies.
Just know that this is not about you. How amazing you are as a human being, as a mum. It's not your worth that was diminished in all of this. You are under NO obligation to see that woman. Zero.
Both of them are disgusting. Sounds like he moved into a madhouse though, 5 kids and a grandchild? Does that mean she has adult kids at home too? This is going to turn sour very quickly, they've had a great relationship so far where they've been able to imagine their perfect lives together through texts lol. The best revenge you can get is live your best life, be happy, make the most of the time you have without your daughter. See if a family member can do the changeovers so you don't need to see them. Keep communication through text and email.
She owed you nothing. No explanation. Neither did her friend. . He does. As hard as it is, they are no one to you so your anger should still completely lie with him. He's disrespected you over and over again, I can't even believe you're actually still his 'friend' . Parenting with him is one thing, but he isn't your friend .
They all disrespected her. Let's be real. You can't hook up with someone in a relationship and think you're not at fault because you don't have a partner yourself. You're still a bad person. The friend might have had her reasons though. I wouldn't want to tell a pregnant woman. I'd be concerned that the impact on physical and mental health would affect the baby.
He owed her loyalty. They didn't. He married her, not them. It is fucked up that they betrayed her, yes, but his betrayal is the one that's the worst
It is her fault as well, no morals at all.
When he moves in with her are they even going to have space for your daughter? With so many people there how is he going to keep an eye on her and ensure her safety?
If you haven't been to mediation I'd recommend it so you can get these details covered in an agreement.
Good advice
So sorry this happened to you. These " people" are perfectly suited for eachother. That is such a low life act, and to be messaging her while you were having his baby! What a POS!!!!
A very similar thing happened to me. I am really not looking forward to the day that "she" comes to gatherings for the kids. At the moment we are amicable. I am angry at my Ex but it really astounds me how woman can knowingly destroy other woman by doing this.
They deserve each other and you deserve better. He will do the same to her and she was not his first choice, you were. she is getting your scraps and you can doso much better. Best revenge is a life well lived. Go out there and start rebuilding your world xx