My partner and I have been together 2 years nearly, his kids have just thrown him an ultimatum- him or me,
We rent a house together, him and my child are incredibly close you’d think they were father/daughter… we have a dog, a life.
Things are tough atm yes as usual relationships tend to face from time to time and one of his kids live with us, an almighty over reaction has happened due to the fact that his kid has been pulled up on their behaviour by me which rightfully anyone would put their foot down.. and now it’s all blown up- his kids and ex wife have thrown him an ultimatum. They’ve expressed they don’t like me etc - I’ve been nothing but good to his children - one of them were very close but she’s the one driving this craziness.
Do I just give him the go ahead to walk?!
I don’t want him facing this decision and either way no one wins. I don’t want him to lose his kids, but truthfully they only want him when they need money or something, have expressed to me he’s a rubbish dad etc… truth is.. this is all driven by his ex wife! She had never let him move on and has trained her kids to be hateful kids. I don’t really want anything to do with them either. But I love my partner… what to do xx
11 Replies
You don’t like his kids? Move on and let him go.
You don’t say exactly what happened either, except it came from something you did. If there’s no chance that’ll change then yes let him go.
Two years...this is all too complicated for two years when you both have kids. My partner and I were still living apart at 2 years. How old are the kids? I let my partner deal with his kid and I deal with mine, mostly because our kids are teens and it's better that way, if we had very young children that would be different. But older kids and teenagers are not going to take too well to Dads new girlfriend trying to tell them off. You both need to sit down, look at the situation very honestly and recognise where things could improve like could he spend more one on one time with his bio kids without your child interrupting, could you let him take over disciplining his children. You need to look at your part in it as well for things to get better, it's not all bio mums fault.
I feel so sorry for young kids having to deal with new partners dishing out discipline. They didn’t ask for this, So sad. What’s the rush for moving in. Way too much too soon.
His kids aren’t toddlers, they sound like teens. You aren’t a parental figure to them so you shouldn’t be disciplining them. Leave it to dad to do. You already knew the kids were tense about being in there lives and then you over stepped and things blew up.
The rules are very different for managing teenagers in a blended situation than young children. It’s hard enough disciplining teenagers when you are the bio parent, because it’s the age of rebellion and push back, so things need to be done very carefully.
Yeah it's not really your job to discipline but if this was one of those situations where they were disrespectful to you directly, you were well within your rights to pull them up!
I don't give a shit if you're the Queen of England, be rude to my face and I'm gonna let you how I feel about that. Period!
I do think you need to really think about where your future is heading with this guy though. Do you really want to spend the next however many years dealing with his disgruntled kids? Especially when there seems to be a mutual dislike going on...
Do you really think this is the kind of family dynamic your daughter needs to be introduced to?
2 years, sharing a rental and a dog - there's still time to re-evaluate.
Sheesh pfft , here we go, another grouchy step mum , slash, new partner blaming the ex and their kids and can't see where she, herself has contributed to this toxicity but it's all their fault tho isnt it. You interfered and it's probably a lot more than you think, I'd want you gone too.
You must be one of those crazy bitter ex wives.
What do you mean by 'give him the go ahead to walk'? If he wants to walk away why does he need your permission?
I dont feel like there's anything you can do, he's the one who's been given the ultimatum, so he's the one who has to decide what to do next.
But do you really want a man who would even consider walking away from his own kids?
He won’t walk away and why should he. They are just trying to make him give you up. Ex would be behind it. Just keep living on and ignore them.
Could you look at taking a step back? Living separately and seeing him for date nights when the children are with bio mum etc. Children don't get to dictate our lives as parents. But they will always be his children.
As someone who loves another adult, I would want them to have a good relationship with their children.
When I was 11 I remember my mum saying to me when I was grumpy not to ask her to choose between me and my step dad as she will always choose him. (I didn't ask and wouldn't have thought to ask for that tbh)
I still have no respect for her and they are getting divorced 🤷♀️
I’m reading “I was close with one of them” but “they’re hateful kids”. Maybe you need to reflect on your treatment of them if your view is they are hateful(because that’s a strong negative word choice). Was the discipline fair and just?
Can’t really comment on the post without knowing what the discipline was and what for, because you’ve given some examples of the children and their mother but not of your actions for a more rounded idea of the issue.
If it was fair and just or not your partner needs to talk to his children and their mum and say they can’t go around giving ultimatums that’s not how the world works. Whether he sticks up for you or not is up to the actual event, but if it was fair and just then he needs to say that to them ‘here is the behaviour and here is the consequence’ and it was a fair consequence for the behaviour. If it wasn’t fair or just he needs to tell them he will talk to you. But blended families need to work together for creating happy, respectful humans.
But if you laid a finger on his children you don’t have a leg to stand on and are probably lucky the authorities haven’t been called to remove the children from his care and possibly your own