I'm so lost, I don't know what to do, I don't know why I'm even writing this. I've been trying so hard to make everything work but I just never seem to be enough. My husband always tells me that we are equals, that we are partners. But as soon as I ask for help with something I get in trouble, then I get the silent treatment for days, I beg his forgiveness for days and days and then eventually he 'forgives' me. Today I argued back, today I stood up for myself. I said some horrible things because he was saying horrible things, I was so hurt by his behaviour. He now says he's leaving me. All because I apparently I was rude when I asked him if he could get me something to eat while I was in the middle of doing something else. I do 90% of the housework, the cooking etc, I work 60+ hours a week and now I'm going to be alone because I couldn't keep my mouth shut.
6 Replies
Um no, now you might be alone because it's better than being with an inconsiderate "partner" who uses emotional manipulation to make you believe you're in the wrong.
Not going to lie, in over 20 years my partner and I have never asked the other to make something to eat for us. But if that's something you guys would do (as in he expects you to make him food but won't do it for you) then it's part of what makes up your unique equal balance.
Sounds like he’d be doing you a favour if he left. Stop trying so hard to please him, work hard on a plan to get yourself out of this relationship.
Let him go
You need to google signs of emotional or verbal abuse. You ‘get in trouble’ when you ask for help? How is that good for you? Your partner should be the one in the world you can go to no matter what.
Silent treatment speaks for itself. You beg forgiveness. You speak back and he punishes you by leaving.
Let him go, would be the best thing for you. But you have to realise just how bad he is and what he’s doing to you, and what you’ll have to do to get out of it. Go and start googling and get strong.
Sounds like you'll be better off without him. Let him go, there's the door honey, see ya, bye! Just because he's not physical (from what you've said), doesn't mean he isn't abusing you.
I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this. From what you're saying, it sounds like your husband might a narcissist. I highly recommend you refer to Dr Ramani's work on YouTube. This video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYTtcDNlULg) is a great starting point and talks about regular relationship problems vs narcissistic relationship problems. If he is keeping you in a constant cycle of abandonment and then reeling you back in, he is abusing you and in the process, making you feel confused and worthless. You are more than this, and use this channel as a starting point for your healing. Sending you love x