I have been married for 10 years, 14 years together, with 2 gorgeous kids. But the past at least 8 years I've been very unhappy. He does nothing he either lies in bed all day or lounge or on a Wednesday he'll go and medication at chemist and then take off for the night catching up with his mates. Then be back on Thursday and he will be grumpy, moody, irritable. Hes never done anything for the kids, never takes them out, never spends time with them, he's now blaming me for that saying it's my fault, got no idea how but anyway. He's had ample opportunity to do things with them the eldest is now 8 but chooses not to. He's never up when they are, if he does get up it's only to go to the toilet then straight back to bed. The kids come to me if they have a problem, if they hurt themselves, if they want a drink or something to eat it's me they come to even if he's up.
I'm emotionally exhausted with the way he treats us. Last night we got into a huge fight as he hasn't been home since Friday it's now Sunday. He apparently loaned money to a guy who didn't pay it back which was money that he was meant to buy food with. He was meant to leave home go get food then come straight home. But apparently a guy he knew his car broke down at the shops and his card wasn't working but apparently had money in bank but didn't and was meant to pay husband back that day but couldn't as had no money. So I was without food, money for two days but thankful to some friends who came to the rescue. But once again it just showed me I can't trust him this has happened before which is why I don't let him go shopping normally but kids and I were sick so I had to put my trust in him, wished I hadn't.
But the constant not being able to trust him, the constant screaming at the kids when he's up, the constant not helping around the house, the constant walking on egg shells because I don't know what mood he'll wake up in, the constant going MIA at least once a week and getting high on his meds is getting to me and I dont know what to do.
I have no friends or family he's pushed them all away. I have no supports.
He's not violent but is verbally abusive.
I don't know what to do
I don't know what to do
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
6 Replies
What a fucking crock of shit. He just happened to come across "a guy" he knows broken down, right outside the supermarket. How many times has this happened to you?
Me? Fucking never!
He's gambling it or using it for drugs.
Pack his bags, it's about time he woke up to himself. He's already not a parent. He's already not a partner.
He has to help himself and he won't while you're enabling him.
BTW. Your family and friends are still there. I was once "pushed" away. When my mate woke up to it I was right there to pick back up where we left off. They're not blind, they're just waiting for you.
As one little final hurrah, an anonymous tip to the chemist and his Dr about abusing his meds wouldn't go astray. They might provide less at a time so he can't do what he's doing now.
You need to get rid of him. He’s not contributing anything, it doesnt sound like he works. It doesnt sound like he contributes anything positive at all.
He is a drug addict, and his behaviour is domestic violence.
If I was you I’d be contacting a DV organisation. I’d also sneakily reach out to your family telling them that you need help, to escape. There will be someone who is keeping there distance but hoping you decide to leave and they will want to help.
Oh this dude is 100% on meth. My ex was this man. Found out 6 yrs into our marriage he was a fucking dirty junkie ice addict . I found out bcoz I bought a urine drug kit and dipped it in his unflushed toilet piss. He's on meth Hun, guarenteed .
It'd been 8 years honey. You tried and it isn't working and you (and probably him) are unhappy. Time to let it go.
Your family an friends are still there but are probably waiting for you to reach out to them. They know he's an ass so won't be surprised that you have now realised that too.
There's something going on with him, either drug use, gambling or mental health issues. He spent the money to feed your kids, Thats a big red flag. Start planning your exit strategy
What you need to do is know your worth. Be brave make a call to family or a friend even if it's been a long time. In most cases they are waiting for you to realise how bad the situation is and ask for help. My sister lives in a financially and emotionally abused space for years all we could do is wait till she was ready to go. The man child is using you. ask him to leave. Or if it's better for you pack up and go build your life elsewhere. He is not a man or a father that you or your kids need. If he decides to get clean and work out his shit then worry about that if and when it happens. For your safety and your kids time to make change