I feel so lost. My I’ve been with my husband for 19 years and I can honestly say I can’t remember the last time I felt happy.
He’s always “right” and it’s always his way or no way. We both work full time and I still come home later than he does in the day and cook dinner. I do the lions share of the house work. (Mainly on the weekends, as that’s the only spare time I get.) We have four kids who don’t lift a finger to help (as they have watched him so long) I honestly feel like I live in the 1950s. He yells at the kids all the time. He has no tolerance whatsoever for them. He’d be home five minutes and be over them. It’s so sad. They just want to spend time with him.
In the bedroom he wants me to be some kind of porn star. But it’s not me. And he knows this. But if I don’t do the things he wants he sulks for days on end. He’s like a child. I just want romance. But it’s always been about kinky stuff. I may have been ok with that in the beginning but that’s when we were in our 20s. I’m just wanting to be wined and dined. Nope. Not a chance. I don’t have any family. So their is no support for me outside of my home. If I leave. I leave empty handed as he’s always said he’s not going anywhere and I’ll have to leave and start fresh. We have no savings and he spends money like it’s going out of fashion. So we have so much debt too. . I don’t know what to do
Gaslighting husband. No where to turn.
Gaslighting husband. No where to turn.
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
4 Replies
Starting fresh isn’t a bad thing. Making your life what you want it. You work full time so would have financial security (and you take half he doesn’t just keep it because he’s stubborn) and you’d probably enjoy all that extra time you have! You’re scared but it sounds like a great move to me, doubt you’d ever go back.
You've got no support inside the home. Out is looking far better than in!
Poor kids, leave for them.
What is more important here? Being happy and leaving with nothing and starting again or staying and being miserable just because you have a house.
Only you can make this decision. Starting out fresh with be a massive relief and weight off of your shoulders.
Stop doing everything, they all expect it!
Stop sleeping with him if you don’t want to, let him sulk and be the sook that he is. It’s because you are keeping everyone else happy except for your self.
Stop allowing him to make you feel this way. Start putting money aside and making an exit plan. Enough to have some back up to leave & find somewhere to stay.
Go find your family or friends who can support you to move on and leave him behind. If you don’t have these people then reach out and seek professional help and see what support you can get to leave.
Stop cooking dinner, stop cleaning up! It’s time for them to pull their weight. When they have someone there doing everything for them, you aren’t teaching them to step up and do what they should be doing to help.
Stop caring so much about what your husband thinks. If you don’t want to do kinky then you do not do it! Do not do anything that you don’t want to do, just to keep him from sulking for days. Let him sulk for days.
Time for you now, put yourself first and get your happiness back. Life can change in a flash, it’s time you lived yours the way you want and a happy one.