Please tell me if I am being wrong.
My ex and I have been equally sharing custody for 2 years (1 week on & off). He is now having a baby with someone else and said he no longer can have the kids and will only be seeing them every 2nd weekend. He works next to their school and will be commuting there so he will pick them up every second Friday. However, he wants me to drive half way (over an hour) to pick the kids up from him on a Sunday.
I find this so unfair considering I am now unable to go back to work (I’m on maternity leave) due to him changing our arrangement. It will cost too much for daycare for my baby and then after school care for my kids. Not only that but I will be doing the commute everyday to school which is 20mins from me plus extra curricular activities. I moved out here so he could have the kids equally and now he is moving away. My son also has specialist needs which he has decided he won’t help me with as, “that’s what child support is for”. He also said sometimes he might not have them if he has things on.
He said if I don’t pick them up he will take me to court just to ask them that it is a condition for me to pick the kids up, but I know 110% he won’t go to court. Reason being he will not want to spend money and also he does not want the kids full time but won’t let me legally have them full time. I have spoken to a lawyer and they said to let him start the proceedings as they know he won’t due to the cost.
Should I just not go on the Sunday ? He will have to bring them as he has no choice for work. I have also suggested he drops them to school Monday morning as he works next to their school but he said he will be too tired and needs time with his family. They also aren’t allowed there in the school holidays coming as his baby will be born and he needs time with his family. My kids are not apart of his new family and it makes me sad.
Worse case if he takes me to court, will they make it a condition that I have to drive halfway considering he will only see them every 2nd weekend if that ?
15 Replies
Ah what a complete loser he is. That is so sad for your kids. Do not pick them up! He is being ridiculous not dropping them at school on Monday. He is ridiculous for his reasons, they are his family 😔. People like this do not deserve their children and I hope you update child support, he will be paying a lot more with your reduced income and his reduced care even with his new baby. What a clown.
This is what a lot of them do, they get a new family and the old kids are an after thought, they become low on the priority list. It’s shit isn’t it? I don’t know what to tell you lovely mumma, it’s been many years for me. I don’t know if this helps, but I can tell you that as the children grow up, they see it for what it is.
I’ve had the ruining your life plans stuff too. Everything is worked out, you need them to be responsible for their end of the bargain and they up and move. At minimum, he should definitely drop kids off to school on Monday. I probably wouldn’t do the pick up Sunday and see how it plays out, of course tell him you won’t be there, because he’s meeting you half way.
In a fair world he would drop them to school on Monday morning or back to you on Sunday afternoon. An even better world he wouldn’t be reducing his care just because he’s starting a new family. No advice but decide what you think is best for the children. My ex moved an hour away with a new girlfriend, we had previously had 50/50 care (4 days on 4 off), so he had our boys every second weekend. I used to travel to him to drop the boys off then he would drop them back to me. There was so much other crap going on that this was one battle I didn’t have it in me to fight.
For your son’s specialist costs, call child support to find what extras you can claim. My youngest was tube fed for 8 years. For nearly 5 of those years he was on a special formula costing $150 for a months supply. I could have been claiming a percentage of that on top of the normal cs amount. Found out about it years too late for me to be able to claim. I don’t know exactly what medical costs can be claimed, but you will probably need to provide receipts of what you’ve paid and what Medicare or private health rebate you’ve gotten back. It won’t hurt to ask, plus you need to let them know anyway that the care arrangements have changed.
Nooooo. Tell him to stick to the routine otherwise hit him with child support and having to go through court for any custody. You can’t just pick and choose when you don’t have your own kids and put it all on you like that. And you can definitely withhold them from going. He’s told you he’s not sticking to the agreement in place and he’s also told you he’s expecting you to meet somewhere you can’t meet, so just no, don’t send them. Force his hand, don’t play the games and do not let him think he has the right to pull any of this.
He is being a dickhead. I would just pick them up. If you are a no show and there kids are expecting you to show, that's not going to make them feel good. No point playing a game because it doesn't end well in the kids favour.
No he can’t commit you and then blame you. Saying she should just do it is telling her to just shut up and be his victim to make things for everyone else easier. But it never gets easier with someone that would pull that, that’s not the end. It goes on and on (involving the kids) until you stop and draw the lines very clearly for him.
It's not telling her to shut up and be a victim to make everyone else's life easier. I'm saying don't get sucked in to playing games to try and make some point - either way it doesn't end if she has stated she would not like it to change or play in to games. These people don't change, sadly she has to be the bigger and better parent.
Either he brings them to school on Monday or he doesn’t take them.
Yes in court you are responsible for half of travel. He’s an idiot obviously
Would love to see him explain in court why he can't drop them off to school the next day when he works next door. All those Dads that fight for more custody and here he is wanting less and saying no to a measly 3 nights a fortnight. If it ever does go to court please let us all know how it goes!
What a fuckwit!
Wow! That disgusting treatment of your children by the 'father'. So lazy, and so dissapointing for your children. I am sure they would love to spend time with their new sibling.
My husband drove 3 hours to collect his son Friday afternoons and bring him home for our visits, then back again Saturday mornings for stepson to play sports, then back to our town and we did the whole trip again on the Sunday to drop stepson back to his mum.
Your ex is/has moved away, he will have to do the travelling. I don't think they will make you do. They may alternate it, so he does it one weekend and you the following weekend.
Contact CSA and see if there is anyway they make him to pay more for your sons specialists need, maybe a change of assessment.
I can't believe his sudden attitude in his new family. I would be appalled and not think to highly of him if my Husband suddenly stopped having his son, when we had our children. His son will always be apart of our family. He will have enough "new" family time on his off weeks/weekend.
Your children will realise soon enough that he isn't putting in any effort and make the decision themselves not to visit him
Those poor kids who's dad just decided his new family is worth more to him, when I read his kids are not apart of his new family I was livid..... if this is in writing YES 100% let him start the proceedings it's 100% clear who'll get full custody if you tried
He’s actually an absolute bum. I don’t often say this about Fathers (or Mothers for that fact) but he is sounding like a selfish knob.
I come from a family like this- old replaced with the new. I can tell you now your kids see it for what it is and will grow up resenting him.
Let him do what he wants to do- he’s already lost those kids, and I am so sorry for you and them ❤️
I think he is being a dick, however he will have to pay more child support due to him changing time with kids, you will need a legal agreement around extras so he has to pay half of over and above.
I wouldn't not pick up your kids, imagine how they will feel if mum doesn't turn up and the crap they will be told. They shouldn't be any more caught up in the cross fire than they are already. As for returning to work, there are very good subsidies for kids for daycare and oosh, it's not forever and if work is important then do the hard yards, it the older kids are in primary it's not long till high school then oosh is done. It's not fair, how ever the real losers are the kids being dumped by dad.