Please may i have an anonymous posts please.
My partner has a high sex drive.
He wants sex at least 2 times a day, sometimes more. If i dont give it up, he takes it personally and he stomps around the house for a few days (after the first day of stomping around, i get cranky and think "well fuk ya then, you get none" and this goes on for a few days).
Staright after his first orgasm, he wants to go again (straight away).
My fanny has had enough after the first round, my eyes are burning because i am so tired. I just want to relax and go to bed. But he just cant stop.
I could go weeks without wanting sex (actually, i dont know how long i can go without wanting it, because he is always badgering me for it).
Were late 30's, we have kids, full time jobs and busy lives.
I think 3 times a week is fair and healthy, he thinks 3 times a day is normal 😳
For the love of god, tell me whats normal, because this doesnt feel normal. Its taking the joy out of sex for me, its becoming just another bloody chore, that never fucking ends.....like laundry, its fuking constant!
18 Replies
I think 3 times a week is more than fair. 3 times a day is too much when you have a full time job and kids imo. Too tiring.
There's no such thing as "normal" everyone has a different drive. My partner is happy with once a fortnight, me, I'd go at least once a day if I could. For perspective, I feel unappreciated and unloved when the person who says they love me doesn't want me.
It’s good to hear from the other side. My hubby always thinks that- feels gutted and personal that I don’t want him but fuck I’m just tired!!
I’ve been on both sides. Normally I have the higher sex drive and feel like the author above. It’s weird but you do feel rejected and unwanted. I was also on the lower side when I had an iud. I think it’s about compromising. If it’s not feeling good for you when your doing it then that’s not ideal. When I was lower I would be initially not interested but come around once it started lol.
This is more about mismatched drives than 'nornal'. Everyone's different.
However, the problem here is the constant pressure to 'give in' & behaviour (tanty's & punishment) when he doesn't get what he wants & no compromise on nights off for you to relax.
Wanting sex daily is not unreasonable. EXPECTING it daily is.
It needs to be addressed or you're heading for resentment & relationship break down.
Differing sex drives can certainly be challenging to navigate within a relationship but I think the bigger issue here is the fact he doesn't seem to have any consideration for your comfort, your enjoyment and your needs!
I wouldn't want to have sex with my partner if he was so tired his eyes were burning.
I wouldn't want to have sex with my partner if he was only doing it to shut me up because I'd been stomping around the house for days sulking about it.
I wouldn't want to continue having sex with my partner if doing so was painful or uncomfortable for him.
Why does none of that bother him?
This! It’s so concerning
You don't owe him your body.
Sex is meant to be consensual, and enjoyable for both people.
Have you had a conversation with him about this? Let him know it's too much on your body and ask to compromise on the amount on sex so that you both enjoy it.
I remember having this issue with my husband many years ago, except it was bj's. He wanted one alllll the time, everyday. and would always get his dick out and try and stick it in my mouth, he would beg. However he never ever gave oral so I told him I would never give him bjs again. And I didn't for a couple of years.
He eventually stopped asking and only then did I feel like I *wanted* to do it. On my own terms rather than feeling forced
I feel like there are some consent issues going on here. I’m worried for you OP
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=oQbei5JGiT8
Trigger warning
My ex husband was like this, it was the biggest reason i left him. If i didn’t give it to him when he wanted it, he would take it (yes, he would rape me). As dating apps became a thing, he stopped raping me and started trawlinh dating sites for women. I finally found my worth and left him.
I’m happy that yours is not taking it by force, but please protect yourself.
3 days a week is enough with a busy life. He needs to calm himself down. Sex is not a NEED, it is a WANT. We wont die if we don’t have sex. He can get a fleshlight, or use his hand. Your body is not his to do as he pleases. If he wants to stomp around like a child because you said no, then you either need to learn to live with that behaviour or leave him, but that is his way of trying to manipulate you into doing what he wants.
Oh hell no I’d be long gone…
Look, mine would have it 3 times a day if he could (and sometimes he does), but all I have to say is "honey I'm tired" and he instantly stops trying it on, gives me a kiss and cuddle and says goodnight. And yes, he'll go days (sometimes a week) without it and not complain even once.
The fact he throws 2yo tantrums; the fact that you give in to it to prevent the tantrums; and the fact that you're sore afterwards are actually MASSIVE BAD PROBLEMS.
This is sexual control, verging on assault, and as someone has mentioned above, coercive consent.
I'd start by handing him a bottle of lube & telling him to go watch porn in the bathroom; and if he still carries on, I'd hand him his suitcases as he walks out the door, and he can come back after he's completed a sex addiction counselling course.
You're not a fucking blowup doll.
You're allowed to say no. And you're allowed to say no without him stomping around like a fucking toddler who can't have his toy.
Be sulks because you aren't a bot that does what he wants? I couldn't cope with that.
Sounds like a sex addict to me, needs therapy
I find this quite unnerving. If he was my husband he’d be long gone. He has zero respect for you. Who does he think he is sulking like a 2 year old who didn’t get a Lolly pop. Gross.
There’s no normal, only what BOTH people are happy with. My hubby would love it everyday but we do it once a month (more if he’s lucky 🤣) and there’s not one ounce of sooking from him. We’ve been together 24 years so think that’s not too bad.
I want it more but I have medical issues that cause bleeding and they can't tell me what it is after invasive test. He was taking it personally until I said I was bleeding after.
I liked it daily before. Now once a month if it happens.
He needs to take care of himself if he is that keen to get off
I lived this for 15yrs. My ex wanted sex every night and i had to or was verbaly abused till I gave in. Sex became another chore that I hated. I even had to pretend to be into it or he would get mad. Whenever I tried to talk to him about it, he would tell me it was my wifely duty. I eventually couldn't take it anymore and left. It's rape to be coersed into sex
Honestly I could have written this word for word!!
Together 15 years, 2 kids, and he would love it twice a day. I’m happy with probably once a fortnight!!
And agreed I think 3x a week is ample!!! He always says don’t compare us to other people when I say such and such do it this much. And ‘what’s wrong with me wanting my wife’
And the same, he sulks when he doesn’t get it.
We’ve been to counselling once or twice. Was good for awhile- sounds silly but we scheduled sex nights ie tues, thurs, Sunday. On the other nights I could relax not dreading going to bed, and he wasn’t allowed to do any advances. But yeah I love him very much but def the biggest issue we have.
Apart from the sulking he doesn’t get angry or force it on or anything. He’s a wonderful father and cooks and cleans so I can’t complain too much!!!