Has anyone declared bankruptcy? Do you regret it?
I've just found out my partner has a gambling addiction. We are working through it.
He currently owes over 30 grand on 3 different credit cards and pay day loan places.
I'm on the disability pension due to a back injury and other medical issues and he works full time but is on minimum wage. So we live week to week, but our kids have everything they need and we live in a good are (Eastern suburbs of Adelaide).
We have 2 kids, a 13 year old and a 4 year old. Our options are bankruptcy or a complete change of lifestyle- moving to a cheaper rental in a cheaper area, moving the oldest to a different cheaper school, no extra curricular stuff for the kids eg. Sports, swimming lessons, selling the car for a cheaper one etc.
Just looking for advice.
10 Replies
My advice is separate and protect yourself, and your kids. Let your husband miss out while he sorts out his debt. He can take his debt and claim bankruptcy. Do not give him any chance to make this worse for you.
Yup, jump the sinking ship.
Some things are non-negotiable. Destroying you financially is one of them. He knew what he was doing long before now.
He hasn't destroyed her financially, only himself. If she leaves she will need to do all of the changes to suit a lower income and still struggle. If he has changed his ways and the relationship is still strong I don't see a reason to leave.
He hasn’t affected her or the kids negatively? And long term? He didn’t do it on a whim. You’re being naively optimistic to have the idea he will change his ways? Every sign points the other direction.
What signs? She hasn't asked if she should leave so she must be confident he has stopped or can be helped. That's OK for her to do. You don't need to run a mile when someone has stuffed up. Addiction is a mental illness and yes it definitely ruins lives but if she wants to stick with him that's her choice to make. She's asked about bankruptcy.
Speak to a professional to see what your options are, both together or split. Divorce will protect you financially from him in the future.
Can you look into a debt 9 agreement? They can be fantastic and it means your otherhalf still has to pay it back. They are really good amd generally get all extra amounts wiped. My partner had 47,000 in debt and after a debt9 agreement was done up he ended up with only 24,000 and pays it at roughly150 per week but could be paying less, he just wanted to get it payed over 3 years
I declared bankruptcy in 2013 I'd previously been in an abusive relationship with a gambler and my mother left me with the debt of a house we owned together. My debt was 150,000, I was a single parent and not working. I honestly had no choice. Personally of My debt was 50k or less I wouldn't do it. My only saviour was meeting my now husband who has always been financially stable. Everything for a long time was under his name, i couldn't even get afterpay even after my bankruptcy ended. In 2019 I got my first credit card of 1500 on my own, in 2020 I still couldn't get a loan for a car and my husband is on that with me. Our fist house together was just in his name. The burden has been on him financially our whole relationship.
My honest opinion based on being in a relationship with a gambler is it doesn't get better, like a drug addict they only get better and get help if they want to. My biggest regret was not leaving him when I was pregnant, when we had local gang debt collectors knocking on the door in the middle of the night.
Was it hard when I left, yes! But I made it work for my daughter and I and we got through, it would have been alot easier though if I wasn't the one bankrupt. My opinion save yourself and your kids look after yourselves and if he declares bankruptcy it's on him for the next 10 years not you, you can bounce back from leaving him alot faster then bankruptcy ends.
I have been where you are my husband had a gambling addiction for many years unlike what others have said I don’t believe you should leave him but know that the road to recovery can be long and difficult and you need to be willing to help him through but it can be done if they want to change my husband did! We did declare bankruptcy as it was the most suitable option for us we are now well on the other side it only effected us for the 7 years we worked really hard to keep all our bills paid on time during the 7 years had shit cars lived very minimally while he worked on himself we now have a mortgage and live quite comfortably look at all the options and if you think it is what is right for your family then do it it meant we didn’t need to scale back on the kids extra things they did so they were not effected at all by the decision which is why we chose that option good luck