Hi IMs,
My beautiful boy is 8 and has always enjoyed playing and having friendships with girls. He has never been a “typical boy”. Lately he’s taken an interest in playing Barbies with his younger sister which is totally ok and we encourage them playing together.
A few nights ago he told me that he wished he “was a girl”. He mentioned it again today- I’m not sure what to say to him. I don’t know if this is a phase or if it’s genuinely something he’s thinking about.
My husband and I are viewing this very differently and I would love some advice.
5 Replies
It’s fine. He is only 8 and there is nothing to say he can’t play with barbies. He prob just likes playing it with his sister. My daughter always tells me, she wishes she was a boy. It’s just a saying and nothing more. If he is 15 and still likes playing with barbies and wishes he was a girl then that’s ok but I’d say it’s just his age and has fun playing with barbies.
He may just find it easier to communicate with girls. He could be anxious around boys and not understand his feelings of anxiety. My son is anxious and is more relaxed around girls.
Remind him he doesn’t have to be a girl to enjoy playing barbies, playing with girls or having girl friends. Kids at school make very simple connections and social ‘rules’ about what girls should like and do, and what boys should like and do. But as he knows, that’s very wrong. It’s probably shaped by their family, what they’re told and given, and what they see in marketing. As they grow up they’ll learn that anybody can like anything, and we all do. Start showing him diverse role models. I think I’d start with the men on play school, they’re fabulous role models.
My 9yo so was like this. He would pinch his sister's dresses, and dolls. Snuck off with all my make up. With his pocketoneu he'd get girly toys or dresses and sparkly shoes. He asked me one day, around 7yo, about trans, gays and so on. I explained it all too him. A few days later he come out to tell me that he is a boy, but likes girls things. "I like watching the boys in YouTube put in make up and dress up" he told me he was a drag queen. He was like this from around 3yo. Now 9, he still loves dolls, but doesn't wear his dresses or shoes, he no longer wears make up but still loves to paint his nails. He is currently growing his hair out long, and is still feminine inamu ways.
He's a child, he's yet to find himself, and has all his life to do so. We don't talk about it, we just go in like normal, he is who he is, and we don't want to make it a big deal, as we love him no matter what.
So much bias comes into these conversations, and i am sure how people where raised and what they where exposed to created the current point of view. My 9yo told me she like both boys and girls i told her she had a life time to work it out and I loved her and would be happy no matter where she landed. She was really happy with that and it's not been a thing since. I would just let him know that you love him for who he is and tell him to be his true self always. The rest is a journey. Good luck this stuff can be hard to navigate with different view point