Ok parents. Hit me with all of your advice.
My 14 year old son has just told my husband (his father) that he's gay. My husband's response was of only support and love.
My son hasn't told me. My husband will ask him later if he wants to tell me, until then I won't discuss it with him. Of course I will give love and support and open arms.
I do have questions though and I don't know how to ask them without sounding like I'm not supportive or sounding like a bigot.
He has told me about a year ago that he's the only kid in his school group that is not gay or bi. At that time I said that if he is or not either way he will be loved.
I do now wonder if he is just following the group?? Or is it maybe he gravitated to that group and now feels comfortable and understands that he is in fact gay?
Is getting him into a counsellor to talk to unsupportive or supportive? Not to change him! But to have a safe place to discuss.
I don't know. I love him amd will love him the same if he is gay or not gay.
Is there any parents with gay teenagers that have wonderful advice for me or maybe some great websites I can go to?
I just want him to be himself.
11 Replies
Their are no question to his coming out. All there is, is love, respect and support.
As for being the only "strait" one, this may of very well been his was of saying, well yes I am gay, I'm just not ready to understand and accept himself.
I agree, he was priming you, letting you know it’s common and ‘normal’
You don’t question him at all about whether he is doing it to fit in. That is completely unsupportive. You just hug him and tell him you love him.
Yes, offer him counselling if he wants or needs it to help him deal with everything and anything in his life, but not for his sexuality, all children should be able to see a therapist if they want, it can be very helpful to them.
I can’t wait until the day those who are not straight will no longer have to come out, no one should assume someone is straight.
So many girls in my daughters grade tell her they are Bi or Gay. I told her she isn’t to be involved in any of it. She is too young to be dating weather gay or straight and it’s not a faze. Love is love and when she is old enough to find someone that she loves then so be it. My daughter isn’t gay but I would support her if she was. I just don’t think there is a place for it in primary school and trying to involve my daughter. I think at this age, they don’t quite understand. I don’t think your son would confide in his dad if he wasn’t and 14 is old enough to know what he feels. Just support him through it and if he wants professional help to speak to someone then go for it but it’s not an illness and he can talk to you. Keep open with him and make sure that where ever and what ever he does, is done safely. Have that talk to him. My daughter has one boy at her school whom they all think is gay. He gets teased, which is wrong. He is very girly and different to the other boys which my daughter loves. I think this boy is also A the best kid, bright happy and full of personality that many lack. I’m not sure why people judge to think he is gay but if he is, so be it. It doesn’t change anything for anyone. Love is love! You will adjust to it. Just give him support and love like you would if he wasn’t. It would have taken courage to tell his dad. Good for him.
I get what you're saying but what he said about everyone being gay but him might have been his way of testing the waters. Trying to see what you think of his gay friends. Hold off on the questioning and let him work it out for himself.
I don't know any kids 12+ that don't think they're pansexual, bi, gay... Whatever. I totally understand your questions and think if you ask them in a clearly loving way it's fine. Let him know you love him no matter what.
My kids have been saying they're transgender, bi, gay etc recently after a girl I believe really is gay was at our house. I told them lying about who they are to be'cool' is highly insulting to people that do identify that way. They immediately said they weren't actually and they aren't actually... They just wanted to fit in with everyone else. My son then told his friends it was mean to pretend and a bunch of them have taken back coming out. One kid didn't and now they're genuinely accepting him for who he is.
Yer I know same with kids my kids ages. I can’t stand it and don’t allow my kids to buy into the crap.
If he was straight and came out as straight because his friends were straight would you be needing to send him to a councellor?
I don’t get why people are saying this? She’s trying to find ways to help him. Clearly these days a lot more is accepted , but there’s still bullies and judgmental people and coming out at any age is difficult, let alone a young person, it’s a lot for them to take In themselves. So as she said maybe a safe place for him to talk and can be open, and learn how to deal with such people etc. I think we’ll done Mum, you’re not forcing him, you can offer and let him decide. Just hug him and let him know he isn’t alone and doesn’t need to deal with crap. And to come to you if people make him feel any other way then happy.
A bit against the grain but my daughter at 14 said she was gay. I asked her what made her think that. I suggested to her that she was going through a lot and everyone is trying to find themselves and boys are immature so she's enjoying the attention from the girls and maybe the best thing right now is to find herself first before labelling herself. She can be who she wants to be without a label. And once she sorts her own head out and works out her own direction in life without feeling like she needs to fit in or follow a crowd or anything then if that is how she truly feels then she absolutely has our support.
There is so much talk and confusion in the playgrounds at the moment (yes I've worked at that school and I see it) and they are all going through puberty and finding themselves and are so impressionable and it's becoming a "trend" to follow the crowd and take co troll and choose their own sexuality. This makes it hard for some kids to know whether it's just the latest thing everyone is exploring or if it's really what they want for life.
Most 14/15yos have no idea what a real relationship is like, what love between partners really is or what it is they want.
My advice... don't ask questions, ask how he feels, how it makes him feel, what made him sure... you ask the right supportive questions you will get your answers to what you really want to know. If he says I've always felt more comfortable and I find boys attractive etc... vs I don't know, I just like hanging out with the boys etc then you'll know.
Also open conversations (whether you dad or both) about real relationships and sexual activity between partners and make sure he knows all the facts and he will feel like you accept it because you are tailoring the info to how he feels.
I'm NB non - binary
I always knew I was different to all the other girls started In yr 6
Although it all started when I was 8 yr old
My parents did not ever try to discuss it
I really wish they did & could have helped me I felt alone like it was taboo
I believe we have some issues now how things should've been different
Always be supportive
Never judge
Never say "oh it's a phase
Make sure they can always come to you & talk about anything
Ask about the preferred terminology
Sounds like you are very supportive & loving 💜