Advice Needed/ Child’s Rights
I have been spilt from my partner for 2 years and he has the kids every second weekend which is a signed agreement. Lately my 8 year old daughter will cry and try lock herself in the car before she goes to him she comes home crying about things that have happened she’s been told she is ungrateful or if in trouble he will squeeze her arm I wasn’t aware of this until she came home with him from Christmas I have noticed she has gone off appetite and getting teary as she has to go again this weekend even though we don’t want her to go. They are forced into doing sporting activities they don’t want to do as that is what he was made do as a child. My 4 year old is also struggling to go due to he now has a partner and is hard on him for the most littlest things. There dad doesn’t haven’t any contact with them when they are re with me no phone calls txt messages or visits he lives in the same small town that we live in. I have tried to contact the kids while they are re with him and it can take hours for him to let me speak to them also.
Any advice on how to go about it would be great I just want is best for my kids.
My child’s Rights
My child’s Rights
Posted in:
Kids
9 Replies
What sort of signed agreement is it? If it’s not lodged with the courts then technically you don’t have to hand them over, but then he also doesn’t have to return them to you. Take your daughter to your gp and get a mental health care plan for her so she can get some counseling. The gp will be able to recommend someone suitable for her age. If it is a court order, speak to a lawyer about what your options are.
I would probably start out by communicating clearly, put it in writing, don’t make demands he parents your way, but I would say
“Chloe is having increasing difficulty with handovers lately. She becomes very upset at the thought of leaving and has been quite upset and not herself when she returns. A few things she’s mentioned is the forced sports, them being in trouble more frequently and being too harsh, squeezing their arm etc.
I also think they struggle with the lack of constant communication.
I wanted to let you know so you can take steps to rebuild your connection with the kids.
I’d like to suggest you call them every 3rd day to check in while I have them.
I will also take them to a child psych and am happy to pass on their advice and recommendations to you.”
I actually don’t think it’s a good idea for you to call them if they’re only gone a weekend. It will upset them more. You want to encourage them to be ok there, and that you’re ok without them too. It will be different, and that’s hard but hopefully they learn everyone is willing to help when they speak up.
Organise to go and speak to him. Also you have to be mindful that at dads house, he is making them be active and involved in sporting activities which is great. You might just have to sit down you and him and talk about it. He has a right to have them. Speak to him and if you can’t. Send a nice message. Do not attack or put him down in anyway. if it’s really that bad then you keep them home. It may just not be as fun at dads coz they don’t get away with things and get to do what they do with you. Not saying this is the case. Or offer him instead visits and meet at the park or just a day to spend with them. Come to an agreement together. i know it’s not easy but you need to communicate. Put any of any differences aside and communicate openly but be kind to each other.
Why are you contacting them when they're with him? It's such a small period of time they're away from you.
I contact them as they do ask to call and he won’t allow it just because there gone a short amount of time doesn’t mean I pass them off and just forget about them. I don’t call them every single time or every single day they are with him.
I contact them as they do ask to call and he won’t allow it just because there gone a short amount of time doesn’t mean I pass them off and just forget about them. I don’t call them every single time or every single day they are with him.
It probably affects his ability to be the parent for them though. It was easier to be happy as a kid if I didn't hear from mum when I was at dad's house. I would focus on him, not her.
I never used to ring my child when he went to dads when he was young, because I knew it would upset him.
Now he’s much older, it’s fine, but I only do it if it’s something really important.
What is the sport activity?
I made my kids do swimming, even though they didn’t want to, for safety.
Are the kids a little overweight?
He also wouldn’t visit during your custody time because that is your time.
I’m not sure what you are expecting?
Do you want to formally change the custody schedule?
I wasn’t ringing until my youngest said that you never call when we’re with dad and dad never calls when we’re with you and my daughter had said she had asked to call so I only recently started to phone on the Saturday and check in. I have offered for him to have them one afternoon each week for tea it’s literally a 2 min drive to each other’s house but he doesn’t seem interested.
He was made to learn to water ski as a kid so ever since the kids were two he has been putting them on a knee board with him my youngest hates water on his head or in his face and the eldest hates being made to do it because it isnt fun definitely not over weight they do play other sports and love them. I’m just finding it hard watching one cry and carry on even after she is home about going she says she doesn’t want her dad in her life I have booked her into see a councillor and the young one gets cranky at me for making them go when he is home. On his weekend there generally actually not with him there with his mum and dad he is around but they don’t spend a lot of time together. I would like to change the custody schedule if he isn’t going to try start being more involved in there life what is the point in making them go with them it’s like he is a stranger to them .