We have been married 16 years and have 2 teenage children.
About 2 years ago I lost a significant amount of weight going from about a size 20 to 12-14. Since this time my husband has changed towards me, he no longer touches or kisses me, he doesn’t like whack me on the bum playfully like he used too and he does not want to have sex. I initiate but he tells me he ‘Isn’t interested’. This has caused HUGE problems between us, not communicating, lots of arguing, we are growing apart. I just don’t know where I stand with him. I have questioned him and he tells me its not because of my weight loss. I must add I do know he prefers larger women, this came up many years ago. However I wasn’t large when we started dating.
But recently I was snooping on his phone (I have resorted to this) and he had accidentally left the private tab open on his search engine and up popped a plus size porn site. I guess my suspicions about him not being attracted to me anymore have rung true. Now I don’t know what to do, I love him but I don’t know if I can be in a marriage that lacks any sort of physical intimacy.
Any advice?
Husband not attracted to me?
Husband not attracted to me?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
6 Replies
I feel, it's not real love, if all you focus on is appearence. It's time for a real deep talk, perhaps on couples councelling.
As for porn, don't be discouraged about that
I have a feeling it wasn’t an accident leaving that tab open, it was to make you question yourself and feel like shit.
I have a feeling that what he isn’t attracted to is your renewed confidence in yourself, which ultimately follows with that kind of weight loss.
Maybe he feels threatened that other men may find you attractive?
Sounds like, in a nutshell, he doesn’t want you to be the best version of yourself.
Is he himself overweight by any chance?
Might me a misery likes company type of thing?
But any partner that doesn’t want the best for me, isn’t someone I would like to be with.
He's a feeder and loves the control he had over it when you were bigger. He's lost control now that you're smaller . So he'll go find another big girl to continue it with. His loss, not yours .
I bet what you lost in weight you gained in confidence and self esteem, am I right?
I'd be pretty willing to say that there lies his issue. I repeat HIS issue, not yours!
Your significant other should be supportive, encouraging and genuinely happy for you if you do something for your personal betterment or achieve your goals.
This coldness, the withholding of affection, the arguing, probably even "accidentally" leaving that secret porn tab open - its all an attempt to drive your sense of self worth back down to a level he feels comfortable with, that's extremely toxic and you deserve so much better!
this sounds very acurate
This is where i'm at currently as well and very interested to read all the other responses, i don't think leaving is always the answer however i don't know what the answer is, i know that people always say love is unconditional however we all love conditionally to various levels but me personally it's never on a superficial level. My husband also recently told me that he does not desire me nor lust after me anymore because i don't have a flat stomach anymore - i've put on 12kgs in 17years and thats enough to change how he feels - it makes me question how much you loved me to begin with.