I don’t even know what I’m asking here, I’m just hurting.
I’m a single mum to two young kids …and pregnant to their dad.
he’s extremely abusive so I can’t be with him and thought long and hard about keeping this baby.
Anyway I befriended a guy I was once friends with in high school, it was simply friends because well I’m pregnant? He’s a lovely guy.
his gf broke up with him and he was distraught so I was there for him, every day we’d talk, hang out, he’d cry to me and I was his comfort, it was nice to feel wanted and needed I really cared for the guy.
After time things changed and we became quite affectionate and intimate but were both very respectful of his grief and me etc, I obviously developed very strong feelings for him without him knowing, I never thought to bring it up because what’s the point? he still loves another girl, I’m pregnant, I was just happy to spend time with him, he genuinely thought I was amazing, even more beautiful and sexier pregnant, he made it clear he was in no way using me or ever had any regrets with our time spent together, I had no idea what was this was or his intentions etc.
Fast forward, yesterday he called me and told me he wants to fight for his ex, he loves her and he wants to do what he can to be with her, he said he wanted to be open and honest with me so told me straight away. I feel this came out of nowhere, we just spent time together.
I just cried like a loser, It was the biggest stab in the guts, I felt like my heart had been ripped out and I was also losing a good friend, I feel pathetic I dunno, it wasn’t a realistic situation anyway
He called me later on in the day to check how I was and make sure I was okay.. he asked why I was so upset earlier and I said I think it’s obvious I felt something but I don’t want to make this harder for you so just don’t worry I’m completely fine.
He also told me he contacted his ex and she still wants nothing to do with him.
I respected that he called to check on me
I’ve messaged after that and reminded him I’m still here for him, and promise to call me if he feels he’s struggling or becomes depressed.
Now I’m just so sad, I just want to message or call him, I want to make sure he’s okay, alive even, but I assume I’m not wanted and I need to move on, being Christmas too and New Years I dunno I can’t enjoy it now I feel like I’m being really pathetic but it’s a time to be with loved ones, show your love and care for those around you and I just have to sit back and not contact him, I don’t want to seem like an idiot contacting him either, be turned down again etc
5 Replies
You need to just be by yourself. You're recovering from a hard breakup, you're still going through it because of the kids, the pregnancy and the abuse it will take a lot of time. Jumping to anyone right now will not be easy on you emotionally, and most likely won't be good for you. Definitely won't help you recover and get on track like focusing on yourself and setting up your new life with your kids will.
I'm not saying you must be alone. But find girl friends. Build a support network. Go through the pregnancy and newborn stage and then when you really feel complete, start dating only if they add to your life, not take or need you or complicate you, or pull on your emotions, that's really the last thing you need. Let this guy go do his thing with his ex or whoever, you really don't need this shit and have better things to be putting your energy into.
You need to distance yourself from this guy. Being friends only leads to more heartbreak for you and more mixed messages from him.
Time to lean on yourself for awhile, you are in no position to get romantically involved at the moment and you are in no position to be a true friend to a guy who is jerking you around.
Put your own mental health first!
Put all your emotional energy into giving your kids an amazing Christmas.
You need to focus on getting your own life in order, not worry about some guy who is using you for his own comfort and affection.
If he really cared for you, knowing he didn’t have feelings for you and the fact you’re pregnant, he would never have been intimate with you and allowed you to get attached to him.
Whether intentionally or not, he’s a selfish user.
Not complicated at all. He's in love with his ex and using a pregnant DV victim for the ego boost he needs. He's no better than your ex. Focus on giving your kids a happy and secure home.
This is exactly it. And before you start thinking 'im a pregnant Dv victim what else can I expect, I better take what I can get" turn that negative talk around.
It's not a permanent state, you can change things and become a kickass independent single mother. But right now you're vulnerable, and things are tough, you need to make the choice to protect yourself and fix yourself so when you choose a man you choose well.