How to deal with your partner who is angry and takes it out on you all the time and says some nasty things just to hurt you. He isn’t affectionate anymore and doesn’t want to talk to me gets angry at me if I tell him I love him, says I follow him around. I try and talk to him but he just gets even angrier and will just tell him to shut up or leave him alone. All I do is do everything I can and when he is good he is perfect we are so happy but when his angry he doesn’t care what he says or how his words can hurt me, makes me feel so sick and feel like I am never enough.
He says he doesn’t want me anymore but sooner or later he will have to f*** something. Which made me think I am just nothing to him.
Been together for 8 years.
Relationship
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16 Replies
That's an abusive relationship. You don't accept anyone speaking to you like that, definitely not your own partner, someone you let into your home and private space. He doesn't deserve that spot and he's breaking you. You have to realise that the good doesn't make up for this level of bad. And there's nothing at all you can do to change him or make him respect you or treat you right.
I don’t have the guts to get up and leave I am not strong enough to do that, we have a house and two dogs together they are scared of him too.
Speak to a dv/ women's shelter. Just speak. There's so much they can help you with. First you need to understand you've been mentally under his spell for long enough that your brains not thinking right. Moving house isn't actually that hard. But it feels impossible right now, doesn't it? That's not normal, or right. Leaving him is something you should do, but also, that feels impossible, doesn't it. This is why you need to speak to people that get what you're going through. That can explain it all out, offer you the contacts, sort out accommodation and your dogs so you can make the move.
Leave. He's not right.
How do woman find the courage to up and leave ? I have tried so many times
I opened up to some friends about what was happening and they helped me over time to get up and leave. I would talk to them when things got bad and they’d remind me of my worth. I owe them all my life. One of them realised during all of this that her husband was absuing her and she left her husband too. *Some abuse is silent, others is not*
This sounds like it's escalating and like other responses suggest it's time to move on. You've mentioned not having the courage. You can ring DV Connect, 1800 811 811 or 1800 Respect, 1800 737 732 for support.
How to deal with him? You leave him and don’t look back. What a pig.
I have left and gone to my grandparents house with my dogs I’ll be ok there. Thank you everyone
Go to your GP and get a mental health care plan so you can see a psychologist for some counseling to help you through this. Stay strong!
I have left and gone to my grandparents house with my dogs I’ll be ok there. Thank you everyone
Now to stay out. When he's being "good" and saying all the right things to bring you back - remember how you felt and tell him to fuck right off.
I'm so proud of you. Don't make it all for nothing and end up back in the same situation. You can do this and be the strong woman you deserve to be.
It is really really hard I am trying to be so strong
It's definitely going to take support, professional help, and going complete no contact. Cut him off completely, don't let the messages in. Stay resolved about why you need to be out and can't go back.
You won't feel strong for a long time, don't be disheartened by how you are feeling now. It's going to take a lot of professional help and you re-routing your thinking.
But you've heard the saying "fake it 'til you make it".
When he is sweet as honey trying to win you back, remember it's not you he wants. He changed you to the point where you aren't even you, you're a worn down version. So it's not you he wants, it's his control over you he wants back. So tell him no. Even if it's all you feel in your heart that you want to do. Say the word no. Let your head remind you where you were a few days ago and make the choice that enough is enough.
If he tries threats involve the police. If he threatens you you get an AVO. If he threatens himself send the police to do a welfare check. He is a grown man and responsible for his own actions.
Pick the strongest, smartest woman you know.
Every decision you have to make, ask yourself "what would xxx do here?". Put some thought into it. One day you'll realise you're not faking it anymore and those decisions in your best interests will be made by that strong woman inside you.
Relationships have their ups and downs but someone who loves and respects you will never speak or treat you this way. This is definitely verbal and emotional abuse.
Stay gone... I hope you find what it really means to be loved 💜