Hello sisters! I hope you're all are doing well. My husband and I are relatively newly weds, we met in June 2020 and got married in Feb 2021. His mom couldn't be there because of the pandemic, but we didn't even have a party or anything, we literally just got our marriage certificate and that's it. We were hoping to do something in the summer but covid! The issue is his mom is really holding that against me and my mom, as if we forced him or something whereas she had talked to my mom several times and they agreed that it's okay to do it this way and plan a wedding later on! The problem recently is my husband is becoming very cynical about different things in life, like paying taxes and what the government is doing! He's 28!!!! I try my best to support him and help him see some positivity, but it's becoming very tiring, especially that every day is just repeating itself and I start the convincing of how the world is not just dark from 5am to 10pm. I feel like I'm working shifts with someone who just won't change his mindset. Recently, he started not going to work because he feels like it's affecting his mental health too much (he works in aviation). I suggested that he starts therapy with a psychologist as it helped me in the past, and hopefully it can help him see things differently. WHen his mom knew this (he is a mama's boy btw), she blamed it all on me. SHe told him how comes when you lived before alone you were happy and now you're like this? She straight up texted him: Divorce her, get your stuff and come back to live with us ! She also said that I want to mess up his career (because she thinks I suggested seeing a psychiatrist that would give him meds and that would go on his file). This is just part of the messages I saw on his phone. I was hurt because I'm a university student with no income, but I have my savings. I'm helping him pay for expenses and rent, and I always cover whatever he can't cover although he makes more than enough money for the both of us. I wake up at 5 am to make him breakfast and lucnh, and I'm always taking care of my home and everything. I don't know if I can keep going like this, especially that he won't do anything to make a change. DO you have any suggestions or if you went through something similar, please anything would help as I feel very lost. Thank you!
How do I deal with a negative partner and a monster-in-law
How do I deal with a negative partner and a monster-in-law
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression
14 Replies
Have you ever considered you could be controlling? I mean, you married him, then called him a mummas boy, and then insisted on a psychologist.. I dunno, it's hard to know everything in one write up, but it's like reading a mountain coming from a molehill . It's blown out of proportion
Sounds like you married someone with mental health issues before you ever saw them because you met him when he was high. Honestly, if you're that miserable this early maybe she's right [but not for the reason she thinks]. Cut your losses and walk before you add kids to the mix
I think you married him way too quick. You would have known all this earlier otherwise and could have backed out. He shouldn’t be working in aviation if this is how he feels. He sounds like he has 2 mums! you both need to back off and let him be. Stop waking up and making him breakfast and lunch. Let him do it himself and have time to do stuff himself. His mum prob done all that and he can’t cope!
Although personally I would have waited for the wedding it sounds like he's a spoiled brat and it does not matter what you do he will still run back to mummy and have a whinge about you. Life's too short for all this drama. I didn't read that you had kids so I assume you don't, this is going to get 10x worse if you do have kids to him.
Sadly you are just finding out who he really is. You married him too fast, when he was on his absolute best behaviour. It takes more than 12 months to really know someone’s true personality.
You won’t get him to change, and your MIL is right, you should have waited to get married, not for the big wedding, but so your truly knew if you were compatible.
The chances of him changing are slim to none. The chances of the situation improving with your MIL is slim to none.
So what do you do now? I’d leave. Leave before you’ve invested so much in this that you can’t get out. Leave before you have kids together.
Find someone else who you date for a long time before marrying and really get to know if you are compatible.
Unfortunately I think you got married in the honeymoon stage of your relationship- your partner is now showing his true colours..
You got married very fast, in a really testing time for everyone. So it is going to be hard to unravel what's going on. But if he's super unhealthy, and won't get help, that's your answer. If, as his mum says, he's always been mentally sound and quite a happy guy, that should ring bells he needs help. if mums wrong about that and he's never really been stable or nice to be around and only managed to keep the appearance up for 6 months, that should also ring bells.
Basically, regardless of who is at fault, if he is so unhappy he can't go to work he needs to seek help in order to get functional again. And if you are so unhappy with him daily, and he won't seek help or it doesn't change, then you need to do what's right for you.
Why did you get married so quickly, in the middle of a pandemic? How many times has his mum spent time with you? This really just sounds like the guy you've been dating for 18 months is showing who he really is.
Why would a young uni student marry a bf of 8 months?
I was once a uni student, no one married their bfs, I can’t wrap my head around it.
If it isn’t working, walk away.
What does being a uni student have to do with it? All sorts of people get married too quick. Not any more odd than anyone else getting married less than a year in the relationship. A girl I went to school with got married when she was still in year 12.
Yeah true, was just thinking about myself and friends. When at uni, I feel like you have a different mindset, shitty part time job, no money, looking to the future when you get a good job. The last thing on our mind was marriage.
Uni student doesn't mean she's 18. He's 28 and she's at uni on her savings, so possibly older as well. She uses mom so possibly foreign, so visas to stay together may come into it.
Yeah, you could be right, I was thinking she may not be aussie.
I would try separating first. Sounds like you’re not compatible and doesn’t have the same goals, unfortunately you got married in the honeymoon phase of your relationship so you didn’t see it.
Doesn’t mean you’re at fault or him, just that you’re not as compatible as you originally thought.
Think of it as a lesson and move on.