Question for women who have male married friends. Been good friends with a married guy for a while. Lots of interaction like I would with one of my girlfriends. Really came to value the friendship. I’m happily married too. He has lots of female friends. Mainly through work. Recently he’s become really distant. Have tried to ask why but get very little back. It’s quite hurtful and confusing. Advice????
18 Replies
Just ask why. I do think people can be friends in this case, but some times they can't. You won't know until u ask
Just ask
Because his wife may feel insecure about it. Just ask him. Involve her also. Invite them both out for a drink or something. Make her feel better and he will be better about it.
Yeah you can be friends but there will always be a line. Especially work friends, crossing into personal life and time his enthusiasm might not match up with what you get at work. And that's ok. Seems like he is cooling it and that's ok. Take a step back too.
My best friend is a guy. His wife hates me. She does everything she can to try and turn him againts me purely because she is insecure. She has weight problems, she refuses to do anything about it. I do not have the same problems, so therefore she believes i wi steal her husband…the man i’ve been best friends with for 20 years and NEVER has there been anything more between us. They have been together for 8 years.
Yes, men and women can be friends. But spouses can be a problem sometimes.
To add, i have done everything i can to involve her in our catch ups. She either refuses to come or sulks in a corner and complains the whole time.
Urghhh I knew a woman like you, everyone wished she’d just move on, she used him to listen to all her problems, he stayed friends out of loyalty, to the detriment of his marriage. She didn’t care that all his friends/family absolutely hated her and she felt she deserved all his time/energy. If the wife hates you, respect t the marriage, walk away, find someone else to listen to all your problems.
Wow... leave the man alone. As a true friend you should want what's best for him. Coming in between his marriage is not ok. If she doesn't like you, nor the relationship you have, I would respect it and find a new friend. They are married, that is a sacred commitment and he should be putting her feelings first. I will always stand with another woman. I've been the insecure one and also the one making someone insecure. Once I realized my presence was not appreciated by the woman, I simply moved on out of respect.
No, people like you become their problem! I bet she has other reasons. Your attitude about it, says it all.
It's impossible to be friends with someone if you hate their partner. You should distance from both. Staying with so much clear hate between you two is not good for anyone, he's clearly going to choose her.
Spouses aren’t the problem love, you’re the problem.
It doesn’t matter if you’ve been friends 40 years, she’s his wife, she’s more important, go find yourself a new friend.
Learn your place.
The way you described her shows your lack of respect for her. I feel really sorry for her. My husband has female friends but none of them make me feel that way
My hubby's best friend is a woman he's worked with forever, she's also happily married.
You can clearly tell they just have a platonic friendship and she's absolutely lovely so who wouldn't want a friend like that?
I'm good mates with a few guys I work with.
I think it's sad people limit themselves and their partners like this purely out of insecurity.
Of course, in your situation, your don't actually know if it's insecurity on a potential partners behalf or of its another issue. Maybe he's developed feelings for you and has distanced himself out of respect or maybe it's not about you in any sense and he's just got something going on in his private life!
If he doesn't want to be friends anymore, than respect it. I'm not sure what advice you could gain. It sounds like he's making the decision to cut ties. It could be his wife, or simply because he doesn't want to be friends anymore. I know it hurts, but it happens. I was good friends with a married man as well, and I believe he was possibly starting to have feelings for me and decided to cut me off. I respected that, never messaged him or anything and moved on. Couple months go by and he randomly starts trying to spark a friendship again, by then I had decided out of respect to his wife clearly he can't JUST be friends with me so I would not be getting involved again.
I have plenty of purely platonic male friends (I live with my partner) and it's not an issue as long as their spouse is comfortable.
I recently had one wife (who I don't know well) ask to meet me for coffee which I happily did.
She told me she was concerned about my contact with her husband, she trusts him but is insecure. I handed her my phone immediately because I know how she feels. She saw that my partner is my wallpaper photo and said she didn't even realise I had a partner (she'd never asked).
She then looked a little bit through my messages with her husband, which is mostly bitching about work, or memes & discussions about a particular shared interest we have (that she's not interested in).
She apologised, but I told her I thought she was brave to confront the issue.
She explained she's insecure because although she trusts her husband, he is a flirt by nature (and yes, he is) and some women she'd contacted had not been nice to her about it.
If any friend of mine started pulling away and I thought it was because of their spouse, I would firstly ask them outright if everything is ok at home (due to potential controlling behaviour) and then I'd just accept it and walk away. The last thing I'd ever want is to cause an issue in someone else's marriage.
You are beautiful.
To me, the content of the messages wouldn’t matter, it’s the energy he’s putting into another woman. Memes, bitching/communicating about work (outside work), sharing a past time, in this time poor world, this wouldn’t be okay with me. I expect my partner to switch off from work when he isn’t there, focus on his family, if I were you, I would walk away. Let him put his energy into his family.
This may have nothing to do with opposite sex issues. He may have distanced himself for totally unrelated issues.
To come on a forum and write about this, means you are very invested in this friendship. Maybe he picked up on that and wants to distance himself, he's probably worried he gave you the wrong idea.