Hi everyone,
I would love to hear from people who are step parents. My partner is the step dad we’ve been together years we also have 2 kids together. I’m not a step parent myself so I don’t know what it’s like. But anyone give me an insight. We argue about this all the time, I just want to feel like one family but my oldest comes and goes and I know with the situation sometimes things aren’t possible. I’m depressed I’m starting to become resentful towards my partner as something we ain’t on the same page.
Step Parent
Step Parent
Posted in:
Kids
7 Replies
What exactly is happening? That might help with advice. Is your older child getting treated differently to the kids you share with him?
I don't understand what is being asked either
The age of the kids are important. The older the child when a step parent comes into there lives the harder and less likely they’ll be seen as a parental figure.
The parent still has to do the hard bulk of parenting. The step parent is more like an uncle/aunt who can support the parent don’t really do the punishing etc.
Just going out on a limb here but you've written this just after a heated debate over step parenting and roles. Is that fair to say?
Take a breath first and think about what you would like to accomplish from this subject. Then listen to your partner. Then come up with what works.
Step parenting little ones in a lot of ways is easier because you're helping raise a child however you've got a biological parent who you've got to work with. That's quite challenging and the demographics there are very different if you are dealing with young children and parenting styles.
Primary schoolers are different again and highschoolers are completely different from them.
The relationship with biological parents are important too and very stressful. The role of the biological parent and their presence is a factor in relationships and navigating parenting of the child.
If a biological parent says no on a certain activity but you go ahead and do it anyway or undermine their feelings, and child says "step xxx said it was ok" then bio parent will guaranteed loose their minds. Rightly so, because they've been undermined and then that creates mutual resentment and opens up a lot of anxiety about parenting of children.
Your partner is a step parent and wants a role and you've probably said something to the effect of "they're not your kids so don't tell me what to do with my kids..."
Unfortunately, that's not respectful at all of your responsibilities to your partner and your children. Step parents aren't free babysitters, taxi drivers or "it's not my kid, not my problem."
You've got shared assets now. You get what you pay for so invest in your relationships wisely and your return, will dictate how well adjusted your children will be.
Step mum here. Being a step parent is the hardest parental role for any person. We are expected to love and treat these children as our own, and then get condemned for doing so.
My partner and I now parent together, I am Just as much part of their family as he is, and deserve to be treated with respect. I wouldn't live in a home where i didn't have some form of say that would affect my home our our other daughter. I parent, I set rules, I disiplen and do everything else a biological parent would. Let him parent, stand together, and work as a team.
Just my opinion. Why does he need to be a step parent? I will always be my kids parent & partners will just be their friend
As a stepparent myself the best thing my husband and I ever did was we decided to look at it like this: our relationship comes 1st. We put each other first. I know this is an unpopular opinion, but I also see that so many blended families eventually fall apart.
Also, this doesn't mean you forget about your kids at all, I just mean you don't let your kids ever come between the two of you (This isn't in regards to major/serious issues, I'm talking about petty little things). I feel like this mindset helps create a better foundation, I also think it's important to make him feel like a father to the kids. When people started treating me more like a mom to my stepson, I subconsciously started to feel and act more and more motherly. I did put a lot of effort beforehand too but once I started feeling the recognition, I started thinking more like it. It was great and him and I have an amazing bond/relationship. I also think that he loves seeing how stable and rock solid his father and mine relationship is, I believe it brings him security.
I believe all of this has really helped us create a one-family dynamic.
Hopefully this helps, it's just some things we did that really helped for us.