Long post ahead.
I just want to thank everyone for their support on my last post asking if I was in DV relationship and what to do about my pregnancy.
Things escalated over the week. After he told me he doesn't want my support around his mum being sick and im the last person be wants to talk to I slowly backed away.
His mother past away. He messaged me around 9 the night she died. Saying she had past and he thought he would let me know. The way it was worded was very like I was just an ex now. I didn't know what to do or say so I told him how sorry I was and let him know I was here sent him my condolences.
I wish I hadn't because it got messy. Said fyi this is when you call. I wasn't sure if he would still be with his mum and family so I didn't think I should call yet. I called 3x and no answer.
Words were said. Hours of messages back and forward. What a girlfriend I was. Most Normal people would drop everything (including my sleeping daughter) and come to him.. I would of but he doesn't like my daughter at his.. so I was in a spot.
2 days past and still more fights. I just couldn't be around him. Kept breaking up with me then saying he was sorry. Round it went.
Monday came and he drove past my daughters school (it's around the corner from his school, he is a teacher) and he stopped and said hi to her. He has never done that before.
I got home late that night to find my back sliding door left all the way open. I started to panic, had someone broken in.
I messaged him and asked if he had been around. Which he had, to drop "our" puppy off while he was out. Im not sure why he had had leave my back-door all the way open.
I then noticed he had blocked me on Facebook and unfollowed me on instagram..very odd to say hi to my daughter and come to my house when he didn't want me on socials.
Things went south and fast. I was the worst person he had ever met. All the times we spent together makes him sick. He will drop my stuff and the money for our puppy off in the morning. I thanked him. He told me I wasn't his girlfriend any more. Kept saying good bye, see ya etc. How I just want my daughter and this baby and I never care about him. Said to contact when the baby is born. We don't need court he will have the baby every second weekend, pay child support and he will not be going to any event such as school things birthdays etc. I said he can't say that we will be going to court. He said okay well if we do I'll get full custody can't have the baby around a mother who self harms. Told me I will be off fucking my mate tomorrow to pretend he got me pregnant ..
I told him straight how I didn't like the way he was behaving. Asked him to drop my stuff like he said and we will have a clear slate we are to toxic. He tried to twist it all say he wasn't in the right frame of mind. I know he wasn't and his mum just passed. I wanted so badly to be there, but I just couldn't be. I didn't feel he wanted me and i didn't feel emotionally safe.
When I said I didn't want to be told he loved me as this isn't love and let's just end it fully as he had just said for 6 hours he lost it. Said he was coming to mine right now to drop my stuff off (it was 11.45pm) I asked him no. He said in the car. I said do not come here at this hour. His response on my way. Tried to call me, called me gutless when I didn't pick up. 10 minutes late he was banging at my door. I felt sick. He wouldn't stop.
He then jumped my back fence. Banged on my daughters window. The bathroom window tried to break the garage door down. I went out and he was at my back sliding door. Screaming at me to tell him I didn't love him then he can go. My poor daughter was in bed crying. I asked him to go he wouldn't to I looked him in the eyes and told him I didn't love him. All the neighbours had their lights on. He let every one know he was here.
Stupid me went and opned the front door and he ran back around and we started pushing on each other. Me Screaming for him to get out pushing on him, him pushing me to come in.
He didnt even have my things like he said! So why did he come here. Said he forgotten them and he will be back with them.
I messaged him while he was leaving and said he had scared us so much. Set of my PTSD. He asked to come back and see if I was okay. What the hell!
The police shortly rocked up. He was gone. There is a safety notice. He was taken into the police station and served.
Apparently he broke a few laws that night.
I have been to hospital and explained my situation. I have been told I am making the right choice in termination.
On Wednesday I will be free. My daughter also. I am very sad very emotional. I have taken 3 weeks off work to clear my head.
I know im strong enough to do this. Well all including this little baby deserve better than this. It will be a life of hell for us all even him
Im in shock how quick if behaviour escalated. You were all right. He is violent and it would only get worse. What was going to be his next move. That I don't what to know. I'm so grateful for all your words on my last post.
14 Replies
Thanks for the update. I’m sorry you and your daughter went through this. I believe you are absolutely making the right decision.
Do not contact him, do not respond to any contact from him. You owe him no answers and you don’t owe him any more of your time.
I think it’s a really good idea to organise counselling for yourself so you can learn to set healthy boundaries and so you don’t repeat previous patterns with someone else.
I say this, because it becomes really hard to spot the warning signs of abusive relationships and it’s easy to go back to what you are familiar with.
It took me a lot of work to recognise early red flags and walk away.
Different poster, but I would block him completely, phone, email, social media. Also get counseling for your daughter. This would have been an extremely scary situation for her and she will need support to work through and move past what has happened.
I’m so relieved for u that ur not tying yourself down to this creep! Please if you can move house and change your phone number! If not change your locks and make sure you keep an avo on him! Good luck I wish I could help you in some way.
I'm sorry he's such a fuckhead.
Don't bother blocking his number, change yours.
Block him on socials then either deactivate or change your profile name.
Add deadlocks if you don't have them.
If he steps foot in your yard tell him to leave or you'll call the police. If he does CALL THE FKN POLICE.
Do not engage with him at all. The guy is an absolute nutcase. If he were a dog he'd be shot between the eyes, it's at that level!
You owe him nothing. No condolences, no talking about how it went wrong, no how is the puppy, no what happened with the pregnancy.
As you saw, in the space of several days, after being told you needed to have nothing to do with him, look at what has occurred.
He's showing you his power. He can break into your house and leave it wide open. He can approach your kid (one that he hates BTW) when you're not there. He can behave like that in your street and noone will approach.
Because you're trying to be the good guy.
Stop it! He doesn't deserve a good guy to mindfuck.
I won't say what I think he really deserves, but at a bare minimum it should involve eternal crotchlice.
You've made the right choice. And as others have said, if he turns up again, call the cops immediately. Don't engage. I would lie & say you miscarried, tell him not to contact you again, and block him.
Your poor daughter, she must be terrified. Make sure that she knows she's not to go with him, anywhere ever.
And I'm so sorry for you that this has turned into such a complete clusterfuck.
How did u go? I have been thinking of u
Hello. I went okay. Im sad and lost. And in pain. But the second I woke up I just felt free. I woke up crying asking for my baby (I was all over the shop) but then I stopped asking and just breathed. I feel bad I feel okay about my decision but I'm FREE.
So relieved for you, you have dad be what’s right for you. The world is your oyster!
So relieved for you, you have dad be what’s right for you. The world is your oyster!
In time your heart will catch up. I'm so sorry you're hurting but I'm glad you're free of that lunatic.
Please don't tell him you had a termination. Please tell him you had a miscarriage if he ever talks to you again. Good on you for seeing him for who he really is, and putting things in place to break those ties. I wish you a successful recovery.
I dont know you, but I commented last time. Its weird, I don't even know you but I am beyond proud of you.
All the best for Wednesday. If it gets tough close your eyes and imagine all us mammas in the room standing with you holding your hand. Do whatever you can to get this psyco out of yours and your daughters life.
Much love x
I would not tell him you terminated but instead, that you lost the baby. I was in the same situation and he tried holding termination against me. I always wished I never told him the truth
A few things,
Move. Don't tell him where or when. Pack your things, break the lease and go. Change schools. New phone/new number/new provider.
Chuck your old phone and sim card. Especially if he bought them. You don't want him to use it to find you. Get your name off of mutual Bill's or accounts. This includes amazon/Netflix etc. Cancel those subscriptions so if he logs in, he cant view your library or accounts.
This includes social media. Remove all essential photos, and delete those accounts. Go dark. No activity. And if you must be on social media, open a new account under a different email, ISP and use a different abbreviation of your name. Do not include personal information. Only 1 account and only add legitimate people you absolutely trust and know the situation. If they are not up for being protective of your circumstances, then they are not to be on your social media. So go dark on social media by deleting those accounts for a few months or create new accounts under new methods of contact.
Inform your employer that your in a domestic violence crisis point. This is very serious and dangerous time.
You don't need to tell him about the termination. Only births. You might need to inform him of a death. So if you go to court and you should go to court for the AVO, make your lawyer aware of the pregnancy loss so if he brings that up, your lawyer has instructions to say that you, the client, are not pregnant.
Finally, with your daughters safety, tell her existing school you do not want him picking her up or seeing her. Take him off the emergency contacts list and ask her teachers to escort her to the office to wait for you during pick up and drop offs. She is safer there.
Goodluck and be safe.